pc@hplabsb.UUCP (Patricia Collins) (08/25/83)
The temptation to find a support group wherever one can is STRONG. However, I propose that, rather than request a haven, safe from those who might not share our concerns, we attempt to carry on what candid, thoughtful, and sensitive communication we can in the midst of the noise. Although I normally don't like to point out the obvious, please note that the preceding paragraph contains no reference to gender. One cannot even assume who "we" refers to (beyond those who have common concerns...related to "women"). This may require a kind of strength and fortitude since one may be subjected to insensitive, unsympathetic attacks in response to an implied request for understanding and support. Women have been counselled that this is a new era where we must join with men of similar mind to get what we want. I would guess that topics which have been avoided include: (1) What should "I" do the next time my male colleague decides to grab first and ask questions later? (Note: Anyone whose reply starts by trying to find out what "I" did wrong is probably not in the "understanding and supportive" category.) (2) Are there any Young Women's Networks out there? How do they work? (3) When it is "given" that "my" immediate management thinks women are best at support tasks and implementation details, is there any hope for getting that creative design job? (4) Despite "my" refusal to buy into the SuperWoman Myth, "I" now find "myself" balancing a job, homemaking, parenting, spousal emotional support, financial planning,...and what is noticeably missing is time for "my" friendships with women (i.e., "my" support). Is anyone finding a way to "do it all?" Is there any way out of the Myth? (5) The subtle discrimination is sometimes the worst kind. Is there a way to combat condescension without resorting to confrontation? Perhaps we can start fresh. Peer pressure can be powerful. I'm more than willing to IGNORE blatantly hostile attacks and to respond thoughtfully to those who offer support OR a sensitively stated alternative view. One of the lessons of the ERA effort is this: not all women are sensitive supporters of other women and not all men are insensitive misogynists. Patricia Collins hplabs
eric@aplvax.UUCP (08/26/83)
First off, let me state up front that I am male, and hence
am ignoring your subject field, but I felt that I needed to reply
to an issue that you raise in one of your points.
You mention the "Superwomen Myth", and then list having to
balance a job, housemaking, parenting, spousal emotional support,
financial planning, etc. In my household, all of those are shared
between myself and my wife (with the exception of parenting). Further,
most households that I know of (particularly where both partners work)
seem to evenly split up the effort involved. In very few (maybe Blondie
and Dagwood) is the man lord and master, with the wife a
diligent slave. I do get mildly annoyed at the current references
to the women having to balance all these tasks when the couples I
see share the work. Isn't this what {marriage|living together|meaningful
commitment} is all about? Or do I just live in a pocket of statistical
abnormality?
eric
...!seismo!umcp-cs!aplvax!ericka@spanky.UUCP (08/29/83)
Re: The work is shared between myself and my wife (with the exception of parenting) Parenting is one rock upon which sexual equality often flounders. A couple shares the work more or less evenly until a child is born, and then the wife discovers that the child is *her* responsibility. This is not a criticism of anyone's marriage; there is nothing inherently wrong with a division of labor in which the husband does one thing and the wife does another. The important thing is that the division of labor be one that both partners are comfortable with rather than one decided upon because "that's the way it's done." Kenneth Almquist