jamcmullan@watmath.UUCP (Judy McMullan) (08/29/83)
I thought I would put in my two cents worth, in response to some of Patricia Collins' questions. I skipped the ones that were too complicated for me to answer. --Judy McMullan (1) What should "I" do the next time my male colleague decides to grab first and ask questions later? (Note: Anyone whose reply starts by trying to find out what "I" did wrong is probably not in the "understanding and supportive" category.) Being "nice" about it is not the best approach, I've found. If you have the courage (sometimes very difficult is he is the boss), be as firm, and quick as possible to show your anger and possibly some of your revulsion. Leave him in no doubt that what he did was disrespectful and distasteful. Unfortunately, this means hard feelings in the future but I think once he has done such a thing it means bad feelings between you, anyway. Of course, every situation is a bit different but I think anytime you smile along with saying "No thanks" you are implying that grabbing first was a legitimate approach, and it isn't!! (2) Are there any Young Women's Networks out there? How do they work? I haven't found any. I muddle along as best I can. Some of the feminist magazines/newspapers that I read deal succinctly with the more common issues. I find these mainly useful for statistics and standard comebacks to some of the standard misconceptions mouthed by my acquaintances. (5) The subtle discrimination is sometimes the worst kind. Is there a way to combat condescension without resorting to confrontation? This is the case where I am "nice". If I decide that the person who expressed the condescending attitude can take it, I point out what they did/said and express some incredulity that they really meant it. I do this lightly with a smile and if possible make some little joke about it. This works with people who are feminist enough to care about their attitudes and who wish to be fair. Some just laugh back. I like to hope that at least they have started thinking a bit. The other important thing to do is SPEAK UP. When you hear a juicy job has been offered to someone else, when it was right up your alley, point it out. Or offer, publicly (at a project meeting?), to lend your expertise to the project. Or express surprise that it didn't go to you. Point out your strengths and capabilities (over and over again, if necessary). If someone expresses doubts about your abilities, reassure them that you have what it takes.