bhayes@sri-unix.UUCP (09/27/83)
I quote, to some length and without permission, from Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior by Judith Martin, copyright various years by United Feature Syndicate, Inc. Just because Miss Manners isn't Ms. Manners, don't think she is going to lend her good name (Manners) to all you silly people who carry on about what a dreadful innovation you think the title of "Ms." It happens to be a clever, useful invention, and as for all that whining about its not being pronounceable--well, "Mrs." doesn't have any vowels in it either. It is not as though anybody had gotten the hang of the old system. Miss Manners was constantly being appalledlp by the way women were being misaddressed, all these years, with the traditional titles of Miss and Mrs. The form "Miss Daffodil Awful" does not properly fit anyone--not a widow, not a divorcee, not a businesswoman. The correct sequence is: From birth, Daffodil Louise Perfect is styled "Miss," although her brother, Cutlip, is called "Master" until he is big enough to knock down anyone who tries it. However, the older sister of Miss Daffodil Louise Perfect is not addressed as Miss Viola Brentwood Perfect, but, because she is the ranking daughter, only as Miss Perfect. When Daffodil marries Jonathan Rhinehart Awful, 3rd (after breaking the engagement several times and driving everyone crazy, especially the lady at the department store bridal registry), she becomes Mrs. Jonathan Rhinehart Awful, 3rd. When she then opens a yarn and Pakistani leather goods boutique, there is no right way she can be addressed in business correspondence. "Mrs. Daffodil Awful" would be incorrect, and "Mrs. Jonathan Awful" would be inappropriate. After Daffy and Rhino are divorced, she correctly combines her maiden surname with her ex-husband's, thus becoming Mrs. Perfect Awful. The strict old rule was that a divorced woman could contine to use her husband's name if she was the innocent party in the divorce, but this no longer applies, as nobody is innocent anymore. Had Daffy murdered Rhino instead, which she considered in order to simplify the property settlement, she would have remanied Mrs. Jonathan Rhinehart Awful, 3rd. The name of an undivorced woman is the same whether he husband is dead or alive, however much the old friends of broken-hearted widows enjoy taunting them by insisting that they cannot continue to use their husband's names as they did before bereavement. Now do you feel a little more kindly inclined toward the use of "Ms."? Daffodil can correctly be styled Ms. from birth to death, without anyone's having to ask her where Rhino is (if you find out, several tradesmen would like to know) before knowing the correct form. Does "Ms." still seem so odd and difficult? One note of caution. Women who prefer the old forms should not be bullied into giving them up. In this period of transition, it is courtious to address people in the fasion with which they feel comfortable. Miss Manners herself is still struggling, valiantly and democraticlly, to make the adjustment from being called Lady Manners in the old country.