colonel@sunybcs.UUCP (George Sicherman) (12/20/83)
Oh, that's all right. Perhaps I've just led a sheltered life--I've never met any real "smooth-talking snakes". They must be related to lounge lizards. The woman I stole left me later for a non-smooth-talking sophomore--she liked his looks, that's all. When she found out he was already long involved with another woman, she bailed out fast. You could accuse him of duplicity, but she provoked it. Anyway, if a woman falls for a "snake", it probably means 1. she's not ready for a serious relationship, or 2. she's been brought up to break up any serious relationships she gets into and fall for snakes, or 3. she just feels like having a snake. Some people suggest 4. she doesn't know a snake when she meets one. but it sounds like a rationalization to me. I'm cross-posting this to net.women to see how women feel about it.
laura@utcsstat.UUCP (Laura Creighton) (12/30/83)
the other end of the snake story: There is a lot of pressure out there to make relationships a win/lose game. if she drops you for someone else, and you have bought the win/lose propeganda, then you will consider yourself a loser. One of the quickest ways for you to rationalise yourself out of feeling like such loser is to make the other guy out to be a real snake. I don't think that this is a very good long-term solution, but not only do people try it out for themselves, but also well-meaning friends feed suffering "losers at love" these lines again and again... Laura Creighton utzoo!utcsstat!laura
lab@qubix.UUCP (Larry Bickford) (12/31/83)
A third side of the snake story: I find the reptilian kind interesting,
the human kind disgusting.
If a gal I might be interested in is currently in a steady relationship
with another guy, I would not try to steal her from him. Yes, I read the
article from a guy who did and felt it was worth it, but how much was
really considered?
1. She didn't really break up with the other guy, merely left for
greener pastures. If she's done it once, what's to stop her from doing
it again - especially to return to former pastures? (The gap from 0 to 1
is always the biggest.) Or when some guy realizes that she can be
stolen, he can appeal to her in a different way and steal her. And what
right does the first thief have to complain?
2. The guy she was stolen from becomes an enemy, and might consider
doing less-than-beneficial things to the snake or his new relationship.
And it might prove very unwise if the guy stolen from is someone with
whom the thief must later deal - like a vendor, customer, or potential
boss. Bitter tastes do not soon disappear.
3. The snake has to worry harder about keeping his gal. He is more
likely to be over-protective of her, restrict her public social life, or
be angered at her if she so much as looks at another guy twice.
When I want a lady, I want a free and clear title. That does mean I
won't compete for her with other guys, or not date her because she's
dating someone else. But if she has chosen to establish a "steady"
relationship with another guy, I will honor that relationship. Such an
attitude does have benefits:
1. It allows me to be better friends with both of them, especially since
the guy knows I'm not trying to steal her.
2. If they break up later, I still have both of them as friends.
3. If I desire a steady relationship with her, it is easier to establish.
4. In trying to establish a steady relationship, it will be in open
competition. She can compare me to more than just one person, and I have
to be worthy in more than just a few areas.
5. If I establish a steady relationship with her, I haven't given him
any reason to be angry with me.
6. If she is a one-man lady, I can more easily trust her. Conversely, it
establishes me as a one-lady man, so she can trust me. This allows more
freedom in the relationship and allows it to grow better.
7. Since there was a reason for the break-up of the previous
relationship, there is an added margin that her heart won't wander back.
8. It is easier to respect a lady in a relationship if you have
respected both her and her former beau in their previous relationship.
Further, both of them have already seen you demonstrate respect. If they
are people of character, their respect for you will increase. If she is
not a person of character, why do you want her? (Then again, snakes have
no character.) If she has character and he does not, she will recognize
it in due time; if you try to steal her, she will see you as a person of
no character.
I can read your thoughts: "How long are you gonna wait?" "What if you
see a 10+ going off with some [choose an appropriate pejorative]?" I've
had the same thoughts (and I mean some 11's and 12's going that-a-way);
yet it is well said, "[Wo]men are like war; sooner or later another one
comes along." If I had taken one earlier, I would have missed the jewel
I found earlier this year. (Ask any of my fellow employees who saw her
at Qubix's recent open house.) There's a couple of billion females in
this world (and a few million in the Bay Area), so odds are if I don't
get her, there's someone similar not too far away. I doubt I'll have to
settle for less than best; in the meantime, my character is being improved.
"Love isn't so much finding the right person as *being* the right person."
Larry Bickford, {sun,amd70,decwrl,ittvax}!qubix!labsaquigley@watdaisy.UUCP (Sophie Quigley) (01/03/84)
Larry, Do you REALLY believe that one can "get", "have", "take", "steal" people, and that this is be done against their will? Do you also believe that there are some which are "less than best", and that some don't deserve to be "respected"? Wake up! slavery has been abolished for quite a while now.
lab@qubix.UUCP (Larry Bickford) (01/03/84)
Sophie, >Do you REALLY believe that one can "get", "have", "take", "steal" people, >and that this is be done against their will? Ask Madi$on Avenue and Hollywood. Find the answers in their bankrolls. That's basically how a snake operates. >Do you also believe that there are some which are "less than best", and that >some don't deserve to be "respected"? Someone who might be just perfect for the guy sitting next to me (no, Hal, I'm not talking about Ann :-) might be totally wrong for me, and vice versa. As for the latter, I'd like to know how you got that idea from my article, especially since the emphasis was on respecting, regardless of whether or not they might be "deserving." Larry Bickford, {sun,amd70,decwrl,ittvax}!qubix!lab
waynez@houxh.UUCP (W.ZAKARAS) (01/10/84)
I feel it hard to believe that anyone would consider the man a "SNAKE" if the female counterpart is so willing to be taken away. Something to think about, eh???
spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford) (01/10/84)
I feel it hard to believe that anyone would consider the man a "SNAKE"
if the female counterpart is so willing to be taken away.
Something to think about, eh???
Exactly. It is similar to the idea of fighting over a woman -- why not
let her make the choice? Although a relationship may be something to
be prized, the other person is not a treasure that may be really
owned. Although that other person may be unique, there are many
other treasures to be discovered.
It is difficult to be tempted away when you are happy with where you
are. For someone to be "snaked away" implies that they weren't happy
where they were, or not mature enough to deal with the current
relationship and its rough spots. So the "prize" you lost may have
taken on a distinct patina of corrosion -- the gold is really brass.
But now you're free to seek another treasure.
Still, it is difficult not to feel resentment and hurt, and focus some
of that at the "snake." Don't let it eat you away inside -- someone
else would have come along, or some incident, and the same thing would
have happened in a different way. Instead, forge ahead. Sometimes the
best revenge is living well and loving again. The snake will get what
s/he he deserves in the end, and probably from another snake.
--
Off the Wall of Gene Spafford
The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
CSNet: Spaf @ GATech ARPA: Spaf.GATech @ CSNet-Relay
uucp: ...!{akgua,allegra,rlgvax,sb1,unmvax,ulysses,ut-sally}!gatech!spaf