charlie@cca.UUCP (Charlie Kaufman) (02/04/84)
Next, I'd like to talk about sex and space. In some respects
every woman is a potential sexual partner for every man and
every man is a sexual partner for every woman. When the two are
mixed there is an inevitable sexual tension. .... Now, this
limits almost immediately how close people can get.
Don't look now, but every person is a potential sexual partner for every
other person. Not to mention the possibilities for groups. Think about
that at your next large meeting! Sexual tension may be inevitable, but
the degree is highly variable and the effects are not always negative.
I never invite lone female colleagues in my Laboratory home for
dinner or lunch, while I frequently invite lone male colleagues
home. Why? No confusion on intention.
Here, I think, is the key issue. Confusion of intention, which is
related to social etiquette and taught expectations. Sexual tension may
certainly be a harmful distraction for many pairs of individuals, and a
few individuals may find it hard to deal with large classes of other
individuals. But I think the more serious problem is that we are
trained to be more alert to sexual signals from members of the opposite
sex. It is harder to carry on a conversation with a member of the
opposite sex because you must be on guard to "not give the wrong
impression". This produces tension, but it is not sexual. A common
reaction is to prefer dealing with members of your own sex, since its
easier. I believe this is a major reason women have trouble breaking
top executive positions - success in such positions require interactions
with other executives (mostly men), and other executives avoid people
who are not easy to deal with.
Rebel!
Don't let patterns that evolved in more sexist times poison your
relationship with half the human race. Take a chance. Make friends
with some of them. Don't assume that friendship implies sexual
interest. And don't assume that sexual interest needs to be addressed
or needs to change a relationship. Try it. Some of them are actually
very nice!
--Charlie Kaufman
charlie@cca
...decvax!cca!charlie