pc@hplabsb.UUCP (Patricia Collins) (02/10/84)
I would appreciate input from people in personnel, management, or other places in the corporation/institution about the place of emotional expression in the work environment. My experience is that feelings must be hidden, except for anger (which is tolerated, but not approved of). In particular: ANGER: I have spent enough time in my life learning how to recognize my own anger BEFORE it turns into devasting depression that I value being able to express that feeling. I DO NOT believe that this includes screaming at my colleagues or using vulgarities. Rather, it means being able to take aside the person (if I'm not just angry with myself or a situation) and showing a little "intensity," as well as communicating why I'm angry. Years of programming make this very difficult. I was raised to be a "lady." SADNESS: Have you ever cried at work in front of a colleague? Of course, not all crying is out of sadness, so I guess I may have this one mislabeled. This is not one I've ever had much luck with. As with many women (I do know of a man who got "choked up" at work one time), crying may communicate embarrassment, anger, sadness, pain, or frustration for me. Is crying taboo? Does it affect the way colleagues perceive you PROFESSIONALLY? Is it possible to change the way people think, so that crying is not seen as a weakness? FEAR: Or more likely, insecurity. Admitting a shortcoming or self-doubt to one's supervisor seems to be the kiss of professional death. There are those who have never doubted their ability and, in reflection, have never found a flaw in their performance. What do you do when you do see flaws and don't know quite how to avoid them next time? I have met virtually no colleagues who are willing to talk about their faux pas. In my experience, trying to get assistance to "improve" is uniformly disdained. People at work seem to equate an admission of imperfection with an admission of inferiority or subordination. If you're wondering what this submission is doing in net.women, it is here because I believe that the advent of women in traditionally male dominated fields has brought these points into question. Most of the women I know are susceptible to failing to "rise" in the organization because they do not adhere to the practice (habit? regimen?) of hiding all of their feelings (except, as I mentioned, anger). (NOTE: I know of no women in upper management, but my impression of those who have made it is that they have learned (or were trained) to mimic the traditional model: no emotions surface, no openness in getting professional advice, ....) Without making this too much longer, I'd like to mention that I think the problem extends beyond emotional (lack of) control to other personality traits which are often associated with women or men. QUESTIONS: (In addition to those raised above) 1. Is it possible to change the American workplace so that expressions of feelings are respected? so that the person is respected? 2. Is it desirable to make that change? 3. How can these changes come about? Patricia Collins hplabs
dmmartindale@watcgl.UUCP (Dave Martindale) (02/27/84)
I'm surprised that I haven't seen any responses to Patricia Collins'
article yet (but then, I'm a bit behind in reading...)
A few comments of my own:
Suppressing emotions, of all sorts, at the time that they occur is
natural for me by now. Being brought up as a "gentleman", I was
taught not to show anger. Being brought up as a "man", I was
taught not to show fear, or sadness, or anything that can be
interpreted as "weakness). Sometimes, after the immediate event
is over, I can let these feelings out in a controlled (or sometimes
uncontrolled) manner, depending on the circumstances.
ANGER: I will sometimes show anger with someone in the workplace,
but usually just enough to add emphasis to what I'm saying. Only if
I'm very, very upset will I "blow up" at someone.
CRYING: This is a very strong taboo. Men don't cry, at least in public.
Or at least that seems to be the expectation. I feel I would lose a lot
of respect from people around me if I was to cry at work. Since it seems
that the "rules", or expectations, in work environments are still pretty
much determined by male standards, I think a woman who cries would also
suffer a loss of respect, at least from some colleagues. But not to
the extent that a man would.
FEAR: I don't think that admitting a shortcoming or self-doubt to
your supervisor, occasionally, is harmful. Certainly not as harmful
as hiding a shortcoming that they are going to discover eventually
anyway. But continual expressions of self-doubt will likely be taken
as a demonstration of insecurity, which is a negative thing.
On the other hand, someone who always appears absolutely confident
of themselves is probably insecure too.
Now, general comments: Yes, the advent of women in
traditionally- male fields will bring the issue of appropriate "rules"
of conduct in the workplace into question. Or, at least I hope it
will. I think the current situation, where real emotion is suppressed,
is unnecessarily inhuman. In competitive business situations, where
people are competing with one another, good emotional control is an
asset and will probably always be practised. But I don't believe it
should be necessary for co-workers to compete with each other, and in
that environment the expression of emotions should be encouraged. I
think this would help, not hurt, productivity, so management should not
object.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure it's getting any better.
Even if I were working in an environment where all of the other workers
were women (what a change that would be!), I think I'd still be
reluctant to display emotions freely. I still get the impression
that many woman would lose some respect for a man if they saw him
crying. Is this not true?
It isn't enough for someone to say "I think that people should be
allowed to express emotion"; they also have to BELIEVE it in
their subconscious. As long as I sense that it is to my disadvantage
to let my emotions show, I will naturally try to suppress them.
Even in an "ideal" environment, I would feel somewhat constrained
by the unconscious values I learned in childhood: displaying emotion
is a sign of weakness, which is bad. And changing deeply-held
emotional responses like these, in you and in me, is neither easy
nor fast. Maybe it will take several generations to unlearn fully.
In the short run, people may come to see that male-dominated workplace
standards are particularly harsh for women who didn't grow up with them,
and the standards may shift to allow more emotional expression. I only
hope that this doesn't create a double standard; that it benefits men
as well as women.
Dave Martindale
{decvax,ihnp4,allegra}!watmath!dmmartindale