nerad@closus.DEC (03/21/84)
!libation to the eater of first lines--and happy belated equinox--it's Spring! >I would prefer to see a statement like "...rape is a method by which >rapists dominate their victims by subjecting them to constant fear," >[the fear arising subsequent to their attack.] This properly puts >the emphasis on the individual perpetrator. >-- >/Steve Dyer Much flame has gone into discussing the original statement blaming men for the subjugation of women. The truth of this as I see it is that the victim psychology which is so encouraged in women by this male-dominated society (note: not the society of men) harms all women, and often unwittingly (on both sides) benefits the men with which these women interact. Rape is the distilled essence of the base fears of this victim psychology. Personally, I would like to see the statement read: "...rape is a method by which women are made to feel submissive by subjecting them to constant, impersonal threat." THIS IS NOT FEAR SUBSEQUENT TO ATTACK. It is a fear that every woman grows up with in this country as surely as the fears of, say, being struck by a car, or bitten by {dogs, snakes, spiders}. Fear can be healthy. It can keep you from walking in front of a speeding car, or cutting through an alley in a slum in the wee hours of the morning. But the fear that you live with day in and day out, that freezes your incentive and cools spontaniety--that fear is a cancer. This variety of fear of rape is a cancer that encourages rape. (She dons the asbestos long johns...) This goes back to the "empowering"/self-defense/streetwise letters that we have seen on and off in this group. I arrived in the Boston area six-and-a-bit years ago, an eighteen year old idealistic, free-thinking Vermonter, whose greatest worry walking in the middle of the night had been startling a skunk walking through the park at 3 in the morning. Since then, I have experienced one attempted knifing, two attempted rapes, and a campaign of harrassment. In the case of the first three incidents, all of which occured in fairly desolate areas of Cambridge between the hours of 11PM and 2AM, the individual involved was no one I had ever seen before. The near-knifing I got out of by quick reaction. I got tapped on the shoulder and turned (expecting someone asking me the time) to find an older man with a bowie knife uncomfortably near my face. I dropped to a sideways crouch on the pavement, kicked him hard in the shins, scrambled into a run, and was about two blocks away before I realized how conceivably stupid I had just been. The first attempted rape I talked my way out of. The man in question caught me cutting across a parking lot in order to get to a (T) station (subway station, for those not from Boston). He was dragging me off to a loading dock, and I just stayed calm and told him that I had just gotten out of a double shift at work, my roommate was unemployed, and I understood that he was having a hard time too, but why take it out on me? He and I spent about a half hour or so talking on the loading dock, talking about his problems (which is all I think he really needed--he had been feeling really abused by the women in his life, and had ceased to think of women as part of the human race) and then he walked me to a taxi stand, so I could get home ok. The second attempted rape was unfortunately settled with real violence. I decked the guy and did possible damage to his internals. This was after trying to talk my way out of it. I was surprised that I found myself capable of doing injury to another person in such a way, with such certainty. I come from a family of pacifists. (The man in question threatened to take me up on assault charges, but nothing ever came of it, for some reason...) Now, I am no great amazon of a woman. I am 5' 5", a bit overweight, and what some people would describe as "a bouncy little thing." I move like a short person--I tend to overstep my natural stride--which causes me to bob as I walk. I do not consider myself to look physically fit, much less threatening. What I do have going for me, that has kept the incidence of these events as low as it has been (and yes, I consider one potentially life/rape threatening event every two years to be low for the amount of time I walk at night by myself in this area) is my "street savvy." People who walk like they are afraid are setting themselves up. People who react without confidence are setting themselves up. People who walk at night in "good" or "office" clothes are setting themselves up. We all own the streets. They are free as the air. But if you put yourself in the mold of the victim, you are collaborating with the societal pressure. Saying that society makes women victims on the street is true--but denying that there are people out in the streets looking for victims that conform to the "norm" is stupid. Whether or not it is society's fault that there are rapists out there does not mean that you have to either stay off the streets, or set yourself up to act like a victim. Every time I hear a woman objecting to the saying: "Look how she was dressed, and where she was walking. She was asking for it." --the plea of "No one is ever ASKING for it." which I agree with on most levels-- I think how would that same woman react to a person arriving at a business meeting in a torn t-shirt and dirty jeans? There are "arenas" in which social standards exist for women's dress. Business men expect you to wear pantyhose, makeup, heels, and other (unnatural :-) accoutrements. Men on the street expect "easy marks," "victims" to wear the same uniform. This is getting much to long, and I expect to reply to lots of responses (*sigh*), so I will leave off with this summary: the fact that society instills victim psychology in some women and agressor psychology in some men does not excuse the woman or the man who does not recognize this by being concious by her/his actions. This means that the woman should try not to think OR CONFORM IN HER ACTIONS to the societal expectations of the victim, and the man should try not to think OR ACT like the societal agressor. "Society made me this way" washes with me like "the Devil made me do it." Until we change society, though, we have to work within the system to protect ourselves from it. Sorry for the length! Shava Nerad Telematic Systems (at DEC Ed. Svcs.) {allegra,decvax}!decwrl!rhea!closus!nerad