sda@pyuxnn.UUCP (DA Schrader) (03/20/84)
I wish to stimulate some controversy over a feeling that a few of us here at BTL share. Is it true that a womens views of sex change after she has 'caught her man'? In a few instances here we find a women, previously interested in physical attention, have, since marriage, lost the lust. Is this the common phenomenon, or not? Also, have you ever noticed that a women will wear her hair shorter after marriage? .
lipp@mariah.DEC (Nicki Lipp CX01-1/N14 594-2320) (03/22/84)
<For the line eater-GET IT FIXED!>
I don't believe it is the woman's view of sex that changes when she
marries, but rather the expectations of the man towards the woman.
Being married for 2 years, I have not lost any 'love' nor attraction
towards my husband. The 'lust' we experience before marriage can be
attributed to 2 factors:
1) the newness of the relationship
o this makes it all the more exciting to explore new people.
2) knowing there are constraints and it won't go too far
o women brought up in a restrictive environment will refrain
from intercourse until married (in general, not all!)
It is rather difficult for me to adjust to a casual attitude towards
sex. The reason? I was brought up in a VERY strict environment and it
is very hard to change an attitude which has been ingrained for 21
years. It is like saying:
"It was wrong yesterday (to have intercourse), but I got
married today, so it's okay now"
There is not the same type of relationship between partners once they
are married. I read an interesting article in a local newspaper which
did a survey on this very same topic. A woman would rather be cuddled
and kissed more often than have sex. Premarrital sex for most of the
women consisted of just that--cuddling and kissing. A men (in general
now!) would rather have sex. It is much more pleasing to them. To
avoid the conflict in expectations, the women is less likely to
provoke lovemaking. It is a difference in expectations. I am not
saying this is right or wrong. These are the fact from a survey and
*personal experience*!
One the second question of shorter hair. I don't think that has
anything to do with the marriage! I know more people who have grown
their hair out once they were married (take myself for an example).
The only reason I can think of that a women would cut her hair after
marriage is that she has less time to take care of it and style it.
Her lifestyle has changed!
What about men who start dressing sloppily and let their weight and
figure go after they are married???? Come on now!
------------
I'll sign-----Nickigrass@uiuccsb.UUCP (03/23/84)
#R:pyuxnn:-22100:uiuccsb:12700010:000:1138 uiuccsb!grass Mar 22 11:35:00 1984 A very interesting thing about the shorter hair comment: In most of the Slavic cultures, part of the marriage ceremony was cutting the bride's hair. In Russian society, no one but the woman's immediate family was supposed to see the woman's hair after she married. In fact, married women wore elaborate and ** heavy ** headpieces whenever they went out of the house. The explanation I have heard is that they believed women's hair to have magic powers that were just too dangerous to expose any random male to. Interesting connection: The head coverings that used to be worn by most nuns. Also interesting: When I hit about 20, I started to get a LOT of pressure from my mother to cut my hair (which was fairly long) because "it wasn't appropriate" at my age. At least one other girlfriend of mine had similar problems with her mother. I suspect the old hair taboos are alive and well in 20th century America. Final note: I wear my hair short now, but not because of my age... It looks better with less care, and I ride horseback (hunters/jumpers) and it can be literally dangerous to ride with long loose hair. -- Judy Grass
mazur@inmet.UUCP (03/23/84)
#R:pyuxnn:-22100:inmet:10900062:000:1828
inmet!mazur Mar 22 00:34:00 1984
Is it true that a womens views of sex change after she has 'caught
her man'? In a few instances here we find a women, previously
interested in physical attention, have, since marriage, lost the lust.
Is this the common phenomenon, or not?
First, I'm not thrilled with your expression, 'caught her man'. We are getting
into stereotypes here. Yes, there are some women whose sole purpose in life
is to marry Prince Charming, but even so, you're giving us alot of credit if
you think that a majority of women trap men into marriage.
It is not true that 'a woman's' view of sex changes after marriage. It is true
that some women's views change. Quite a few women are not as excited by sex as
their mates. If you read Dear Abby, she constantly gets letters from women who
are not interested in sex, but put up with it for their husband's sake. You
say yourself "In a few instances here..."; I don't think it is common.
As far as the controversy, you are certainly going to get that if you really
try and argue this premise (that women "catch men" and lose interest in sex)
in a group populated by career-oriented women (and alot of liberated men).
Also, have you ever noticed that a women will wear her hair shorter
after marriage?
Yes, but have you ever noticed that a lot of women are wearing their hair
shorter before marriage? Besides being a lot easier to take care of, many
women find that it actually flatters them more at that length.
Actually, I could ask an equally worthless question: Have you ever noticed
that a man starts watching a hell of alot more sports, and doesn't worry about
the beer belly after he gets married? Remember, I said equally *worthless*.
It's true in some cases, but certainly not worth stating as a result of
marriage.
Beth Mazur
{ima,harpo,esquire}!inmet!mazur