lynno@tekfdi.UUCP (Lynn Olson ) (04/27/84)
[begone, agent of entropy]
I've just finished two books that shed a lot of light on the strange and
unpredictable things that seem to happen between men and women. The first is
"What Do Women Want" by Luise Eichenbaum & Susie Orbach (Berkley Books
0-425-06770-X $3.50 paperback). This one seems particularly appropriate for
men who have long spells of *just not understanding* what is going on with
their SO's (Significant Other), or shy men who just can't seem to connect with
MOTSS at all.
It points out that most men expect emotional support (from women) as a
matter of course; women, however, rarely receive the same kind of support from
*their* SO. The authors note when a group of women get together, they will
frequently share their emotional lives with each other; by contrast, very few
(straight) men will share their emotions with even their closest male friends.
In adolescence, women focus their energies on relationships, using this time
as intense training for adulthood; their boyfriends, however, are devoting
their energies on creating an autonomous personality and breaking the bonds of
the family.
I didn't always agree with the strong conclusions reached, but it made me
think about a lot of things I've taken for granted. The authors *did*
illuminate some of the more perplexing situations that have happened to me. I
recommend it.
The second book is "In A Different Voice" by Carol Gilligan (Harvard
University Press 0-674-44544-9 $5.95 paperback). This is quite complementary
to the book above, but views men's and women's cultures from a broader
perspective. It focuses on the development of women's personality in a culture
which defines "male" as the default, "normal", behaviour pattern. Many women
are forced to choose between acting on the periphery of masculine culture (and
retaining feminine values) and gaining effectiveness in masculine culture at
the expense of discarding part of their personality. This whole process is
incomprehensible to many men; women *must* understand masculine culture in
order to survive, but very few men are even aware of the invisible network of
women all around them.
The book further touches on some things I've seen right here in
net.river-city; many men define their entire lives (and their search for the
*perfect* SO) in terms of a rational structure of rules, in essence a program
for living. One frequently hears the plaintive cry, "Just what should I do?"
when this program turns out to have SO-interface bugs. Read the books,
and tell your friends about how it made you feel - you may be surprised.
Lynn Olson @tektronix!tekfdi!lynno
Tektronix, MS 58-733
PO Box 500, Beaverton, OR
97077smann@ihu1g.UUCP (Sherry Mann) (07/11/84)
The book recommended by Lynn Olson reminds me of another book I highly recommend entitled Women's Reality by Ann Wilson Schack (sp?). She also makes the point that there is a white male reality which women must learn to live by the rules of, but that there is also a female reality, which men are unaware of, don't understand and don't even realize exists, because it is not necessary for their survival to function well in that reality. Lot's of good thoughts in this book, read it. Sherry Mann ihnp4!ihu1g!smann