hollis@ucf-cs.UUCP (William Hollis) (10/13/84)
[] Realizing that with the problems of the net recently, I post (again) the following. Please forgive me if you have seen this before. Greetings and salutations, Gentle readers. Please forgive me for any Fax Paus I may generate by this article,but it is my first time posting. ^^(sp?)^ I feel a need to contribute on many articles at once, for there seems to me to be a string of connection to them. I have been discussing with a friend the ever changing relationships between the sexes. As has been said before, there is more that is alike between the sexes as there is the same. First off, I think that the part of the Male Tease needs attention. Laurie had the unfortunate circumstance to walk into the middle of a confused male. >**Has this happened to you lately?** > >Scenario: You're in class, at a party, at work, or at your favorite place... At first, we can say a few things here: 1)As mentioned previously, words mean differnt things, likewise, actions can mean different things also. He may have truly *not* known that he was putting out the wrong signals. Again, as with communication, people should know what they are 'saying'. We cannot really say much here, but that someone didn't understand someone. Mistakes happen. 2)He may have realized that he was putting out the signals, then when he realized that 'the quarry' (if you will please allow me to use hunting terms for use in dating, for I believe that they are closely related) was all of the sudden interested, he panicked (sp) and did not know what to do. Here we have the unexpected happening, and when the male gets what he is finally after, he spooks. He may have literally been scared out of his wits. 3)Again, he may have realized what he was doing, kept on doing it, and being a mean person, or even to prove to himself that he could refuse to go to bed with someone. A 'cute' (by other womens definitions) guy I know was extremely happy when he had the 'guts' to turn down a female. I thought that the guy wasn't being particularly nice. He didn't really do it with the idea in mind to be a 'tease' but just to show that he could do it. I have very little comment on this one. Since I have made the reference above, I obviously have seen it from the males. I also (very close at hand) have seen it from the females. No matter who does it, it it not nice, but this world is made up of not nice people who abuse thier positions (looks, brains, supervisors, teachers, politically, etc.). I believe that this speaks for itself. 4)Lastly, and this is a biggie, it may just be that the guy knew what he was doing, kept on going, and at the final moment (when he realized what was about to happen) backed out. This is one that I can really get in to. I realize that the guy was not nice for doing this, but I can actually see how it could occur. I belive in the old saying 'put your money where your mouth is' but this is human emotions that we are dealing with, not a game (although some do enjoy playing games with others emotions, but I will get to this later). I would like to site (sp) some reasons why the male might back out because of fear,and not of meaness: 1)Rape: Yes, believe it or not, if you are a male, you have, still, little protection against being accused of rape. If the female is under age (depending on the state) you are even in worse problems. If for example, a female decided that, either for revenge or for her own mental problems (and yes, I know that there are as many crazy men as women) that you raped her, even if you never heard a 'no' then you can be put up on rape charges. Even if you are not found guilty, this can cause many problems for you in employment (I know that employers aren't supposed to take that into account, but some do) and security clerences. About the female being under age, I heard (from a female friend of hers) that she said 'It is too bad that I am having a birthday soon, I won't be able to hold the charge of statutory rape over my boyfriends heads'. That is, I will agree, a possibly extreme case, but if you are male, you have to consider that. 2)Pregnancy: This one is a bad one too. If you get someone pregnant, and they opt to have the baby, you will pay for the next 18 or so years. I realize that it is not all the females responsibility to handle this, but (as I am sure that you have heard before), there are very little choices for a male. One is not very pleasurable, and the other is possibly irreversable. I also realize that for the female there is no 100% gaurenteed approach, but neither are the two mentioned above either. Also, there are more methods for preventing pregnancy in a female, and they do not diminish the pleasure for either partner. 3)Venerial Disease: This affects both female and male, I know, but in this case I am speaking to both. It is,as I am sure you know, possible to catch many diseases from an unknowing/uncaring date. Since some are 'uncurable' (as of present medical knowledge) then there is a real fear of what might happen. These are the points that I would think that would make a male back out. Some other possibilities are just mental problems,or a past SO (please give the meaning of that acronym, I know the general,but I wish the specific) that gave them a problem just because they went to bed with them. What I hope that my point has come out to mean, is that sometimes the answer is not always what the obvious seems to be. The above are MY personal worries, as I am sure that others have more. Also connected to 'the hunting game' is the problem of, as I believe that it has been said before being 'kicked in the face'. >If that really *is* your attitude, then I don't blame them one bit >for ''kicking your teeth in''. > -Ed Hall Well, I don't know about that, in fact I too have read 'Born to Win'. It is (for those of you unfamiliar) a book on psychological self improvement. It goes into trying to not let others use you as a bean bag, and having the ability (if I remember correctly) to opt out of 'game playing roles'. These are psychological games, ie, the one of 'Kick Me' is where the person is always asking, esentially, for someone to put them down. I do think that some people actually do ask for pain, but they are mal adjusted, and there are as many males and females playing this game. On the most part, though, I don't think that people are asking to be hurt. I personally try to be somewhat gullible, believing that the other person is not going to do me harm. When I learn that they are less than neutral, then I tend not to trust them (depending, of course, on how much they betrayed my trust). I do think, however, that there are quite alot of people out there because of job pressures,and other problems that enjoy the game of 'kick the dog'. I have seen many times the highly intelligent comment that 'put a person right in thier spot' (usually quite hard and let loose to make a complete fool out of the other person). Males are considered to be more physically oreinted any women more verbally oriented. This may account for why women seem to be dealing more 'death blows', and also they have to, sometimes, get rid of the persistant male who does not seem to have the intelligence to get the hint to leave her alone. I would, however, like to say that sometimes I have seen the female do more damage with a few well choosen words than any male could with quite a few punches. Also, it should be realized that a male cannot physically defend himself against such a verbal attack the same way he would against a male. In the case of a male, it would be simple enough to just hit him (Realizing that violence is the last resort of the incompetent, but at least he has this resort). With a female, it would almost be sucidal in a public place to hit her, as the male would have five or ten other ready males to punch his lights out whether or not the male was right in hitting the female. Persoanlly, I have been taught to not respond to verbal attacks, and the times I have been slapped by a female, I have held my temper and walked away. I have never hit a female (besides my sisters, and they were bigger then) and I suspect that my learning is such that I would only defend myself if attacked by a female. I really have only one last thing to say about sensitivity. The few times that I have been invited by Feminists (usually radical) to raise my consciousness, I have been aware that I was not there to be helped, but usually to be shown as an example. I also realize that there are good as well as bad people in this world, and that somewhere out there there may be a Radical Feminist who actually does not feel the need to take her frustrations out on me. But, as stated above, there has been very little effort made to help when I was in a state of mind to be accepting, in fact, there was only, as far as I am concerned, and effort to use me as a prop. I would like to state that I do believe in ERA, etc, but not the type of Animal Farm, 'Some of us are more equal than others', espoused by those who have been the under dogs so far. It does no good to make the oppressors the oppressed, and the oppressed the oppressors. >In resonse to Laurie Sefton's original article I can only say this: What >you are experiencing is the inevitable backlash of the 1970's feminist >movement. > . > . > . > Jim Collymore This seems to be something I heard from my parents age group in reference to all of the unspeakable crimes commited by the 1960-1975 (approximately) age group. It sounds like you are more preoccupied with blaming things on the 1970's then you are with seeing why this exists. I do believe that as signals (as discussed in previous articles) get more mixed up, we have a harder time relating our wants/needs. I also do not believe that, as I took it to be implied in the article, men are taking from females what females have done to men. Basically what has happened is that men are finally able to be 'great looking hunks' and able to abuse that. Previous to "the 1970's" (and the 1970's would have happened the same no matter what was going on) men didn't have the oppourtunity to take females out and 'tease' them. Well, I have babbled for more than enough for my first time, Comments are appreciated (by mail if you wish). Hopefully I have put my mail address on right. If not, please leave a note telling me that it is wrong. Thanx, Ken Hollis P.S. The views expressed above are mine, and not those of any company or instution I am affiliated with, and usually not the views of any friends :-> If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it was always yours. If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it. :-) In response to Dr. Joyce Brothers: >At the age of 22, there are more men than women, but sometime during that >year, the balance shifts, and at the age of 23, there are more women than men. >From then on, it is all downhill. By the time a women is 40, for instance, >there are almost 300 single women for every 100 single men. > . > . > . > Dr. Joyce Brothers. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, or good news (depending on your sex :->), but Dr. Joyce Brothers was not talking about the United Staes in general, where she was talking about, I don't know its location. The ratio eventually only evens out at about the age of 34, not 23 (for the average white male). Take a look at the census books. The figues of 300 to 100 are (if I remember correctly) right at about the age of 60 or so. Dr. Joyce Brothers also, in my opinion, seems to have a somewhat 'chauvanistic' (sp) attitude about males. I seem to get the impression that she thinks most males are weak, and able (just barely) to care for thier own bodies, much less anything else. If I am wrong, I invite any and all to crtisize me (as I am sure you will be happy to do :->). []