jamcmullan@wateng.UUCP (Judy McMullan) (12/14/84)
Comments on bits of a couple of articles: >One point about Julia's posting. I am sorry if my being a man and walking >down the street at night is seen as threatening to a woman walking towards >me. However, I adamantly refuse to cross the street because my presence >may bother her. If she is sufficently bothered by me to cross the street, >so be it. I cannot let the (possibility of hurting the) feelings of others >rule my actions or I would be nothing but a marionette (like the farmer and >the donkey in the children's story of old). Life is tough enough without >that onus. I was in on a conversation about this very topic, a few weeks ago. I am struck by how very different this response is from the kind response of a caring woman who suggested that we might do the same small courtesy (cross the street) when coming up behind an elderly woman. They are such vulnerable targets for assaults by anyone, that either men or women can elicit the same feelings of fear for an elderly woman. The idea may not appeal to you. However, it is a good suggestion for those who wish to be kind. > If you (a man) are walking alone at night (or with other men) > and see a woman walking alone toward you, then cross the street > and let her walk in peace. > > I'd rather smile at her when I pass. That way she'll have a tremendous > feeling of relief, rather than feeling that all men are either rapists or > simply avoiding her. A nice thought but I have found that a strange man who smiles at me WITHOUT trying to pick me up is rare. I feel much safer when men ignore me, in public. It took me a few years to learn this. I learned it the hard way. --from the sssstickkky keyboard of JAM ...!{ihnp4|clyde|decvax}!watmath!wateng!jamcmullan
mom@sftri.UUCP (M.Modig) (12/17/84)
A great deal of flak has been hitting the net because of the suggestion that at night a man might cross the street to help alleviate the fear of an approaching lone woman (a stranger, I presume, since I would probably stop and say hi to a friend) Well, I have to say that my initial reaction was one of anger. I don't consider myself a dangerous person, and I'm not on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List. But then, I got to thinking. My situation is probably a bit different from most people's because I'm not an average-looking person. [Hint: the two questions most often asked of me by strangers when we get talking are: Do you play basketball? and, Do you play football?] Plus, I like to walk around in a huge down parka that makes me look even bigger, and, I guess, even more threatening. So I guess I would probably strike fear into the heart of anyone approaching me on a dark street. Actually, I don't usually go out alone too much at night, and when I do, I don't see too many women out walking around alone. Anyway, the upshot of it is, I think this is a good idea, and one worth trying. Yeah, it's a bit of a hassle, but, like I said, I don't run into the situation very much, so it's not really that big of a problem, and I don't think it probably would be for most people. I don't think anger is a good idea when you are out alone at night (or even during the day). I think it's better to look as confident and business-like as you can in your walk, expression, etc. And finally, I am alarmed at the idea of resisting your assailant. Just telling people to resist is no good. Hysterically slapping an attacker will probably only make him mad, and what you get in return will likely be considerably more than just a slap. A young woman was attacked and killed a few weeks ago somewhere in New York City. She said, before she died, that she shouldn't have resisted, that her resistance only made her killer angry and the attack more frenzied. She died, NOT because she resisted, but because she didn't know HOW to effectively resist an attacker and defend herself. An organised, practised resistance by a defender who keeps their wits about them can effectively discourage an attacker. So, when you advise people to resist, advise them also that resistance is only possible if you know how to resist and have proper training; simple and effective self-defense techniques can be picked up fairly easily, and just having some training and an agenda of what your reactions should be if you are attacked can make all the difference if you ever have to face an attacker. Mark Modig ihnp4!attunix!mom
merrill@rex.DEC (12/19/84)
Sometimes I will cross the street or at least walk on the other edge of the sidewalk when I happen to be the only one walking behind a woman who is walking close to the same pace that I feel like. It could make any gender jittery to have someone walking close behind for more than a few steps. But as far as walking in opposite directions, I only cross the street to get/give a better glimpse! Unless the street is otherwise deserted and it's dark, then I would give the other person as much clearance as reasonable. Rick