mmf@sdchema.UUCP (Marsha Fanshier) (12/22/84)
<is it a new bug or a New Year's bug?> With a new year approaching I'd like to ask some questions of the male readers of net.women. I assume you read this group because you are interested in the many facets of the female life. I have also noted that the men who contribute to this group have endless observations to make and opinions to state on the barriers to equality that women face. This is in net.women, for one reason, because there is no net.men and because it is my opinion that this subject relates very strongly to the issue of equality for women. I am interested in hearing from fathers and fathers-to-be regarding their feelings toward their responsibility to their jobs and careers and also their responsibility towards their children. What are the conflicts you encounter when facing these responsibilities? Specifically, what sacrifices have you made in your career in order to be a more responsible and attentive parent? Just about every young woman I know has spent countless hours of her life trying to reconcile these conflicting responsibilities. Should she work towards strengthing those qualities that will make her a good mother or those qualities that will make her better at her job? After the baby is born should she continue to work full-time, part-time, not at all? If you have children and a mate who was/is working you should be familiar with the conflict she went through. The question here is, did you ever consider working part-time or quitting entirely in order to raise your children? If you have never seriously considered this possibility I'd like to ask that you do so at this time. What would it involve? How would you like to walk up to your manager and tell him that you are committed to the best upbringing that you can possibly provide for your children and that you have decided that they need the time and attention that only you can give them, therefore you would like to cut your working hours. What is this going to do to your career? What about your present earning power and the goals you have been working towards? I've heard a lot from the men I know lately about how women need to learn a lot about being in the working world. The most common theme I hear is that women are insecure. I've got a news flash for you guys. Most of the women you know were raised to be nurturers. The qualities that have been reinforced in them are very different from the qualities that have been reinforced in you. I don't think it is very surprising that many of them feel insecure venturing out into waters they have never before navigated. These women are taking new and difficult steps and a lot of them are falling on their faces. These same women get back up again and fall again. In my book that takes a *lot* of courage. Are you ready to match these women in courage? If you have not made any sacrifices in your career for your children, why not? Is the project you are working on for your company more important than the child you created? What about the woman in your life? Would it not ease some of the pressures on her if you were willing to accept an equal share in the responsibility of parenting? What is her responsibility to the family income? What goals and dreams has she put on hold in order to be an attentive and responsible parent? Are you willing to match her? To the fathers to be: Let's say that your wife has plans to take six months off after the baby is born to care for the child. Why don't you take the second six months off? That way you would be on a more equal level with her when it comes to the sacrifices she is making and you would have an equal opportunity to take an active role in that important first year of your child's life. You would know the same risks and the same joys. Are you willing to match her? Do you have the courage? Sure there are still a lot of barriers to equality for women. I believe that one of the largest barriers is that men are not yet willing to assume their fair share of the parenting responsibilities. How 'bout giving it some thought for the new year. Happy Holidays, Marsha Fanshier UCSD Dept. of Chemistry
aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent) (12/27/84)
Marsha Fanshier posted an interesting article asking fathers (present or
near-future) about their willingness to assist in raising their children.
No, I myself am nowhere near that, but I thought I'd report on a couple I
know who have undergone numerous swaps in the roles of house-spouse and
breadwinner (partially because of the availability or unavailability of
appropriate jobs, but partially because both parties are really wonderful
people -- the husband is not a vocal feminist, just humble enough to do
his share of the loving). For at least two years after their son was born,
the mother was working and the father stayed at home, raised the kid, and
took care of the house. During the time surrounding their daughter's birth,
however, the husband had a job, so the wife stayed at home. Their son, now
3-1/2, is a very lovable kid, having been well loved; and the 6-month-old
daughter will undoubtedly also turn out that way. This is one case where both
parents are interested in the children, and it is obviously vastly to the
children's benefit.
--
-- Jeff Sargent
{decvax|harpo|ihnp4|inuxc|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
Jesus has creched the devil's system.crs@lanl.ARPA (12/31/84)
> Marsha Fanshier posted an interesting article asking fathers (present or > near-future) about their willingness to assist in raising their children. > No, I myself am nowhere near that, but I thought I'd report on a couple I > know who have undergone numerous swaps in the roles of house-spouse and > breadwinner (partially because of the availability or unavailability of > appropriate jobs, but partially because both parties are really wonderful > people -- the husband is not a vocal feminist, just humble enough to do > his share of the loving). For at least two years after their son was born, > the mother was working and the father stayed at home, raised the kid, and > took care of the house. During the time surrounding their daughter's birth, > however, the husband had a job, so the wife stayed at home. Their son, now > 3-1/2, is a very lovable kid, having been well loved; and the 6-month-old > daughter will undoubtedly also turn out that way. This is one case where both > parents are interested in the children, and it is obviously vastly to the > children's benefit. > > -- > -- Jeff Sargent > {decvax|harpo|ihnp4|inuxc|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq > Jesus has creched the devil's system. This sounds great. Really; no sarcasm intended. BUT: I wonder how many families could actually *afford* this luxury (yes luxury -- I would love to be able to spend more time with my children). In how many families are both parents able to earn (approximately) equal salaries? Think about all of the families in the [world country ...] -- Even if it were not for sex discrimination, of all those families how many are so symmetrical from the viewpoint of earnings that this would be possible? Maybe in a few generations (if everything goes well) but *now*? No way! As with many utopian suggestions, many very real, practical problems stand in the way. Charlie