sunny@sun.uucp (Sunny Kirsten) (01/11/85)
Life is the only game in town. > here's the jist of all of this: jeff, are you REALLY getting anything out > of reading this group? better yet, is the group getting anything out of > your participation?? it's the SAME OLD STUFF, time after time. it's as if > you wait for new people to get on the net so they can fall for your "i'm not > a perfect human" lines, and send net.sympathy mail. those of us who have been > on the net for a while are getting a little fed up with all of this. Hey, it's a simple case of I'm not OK, You're OK, mixed with a little Schlemeil and Ain't It Awful. The amazing thing is that so many are willing to play these "games people play" with Jeff. Jeff doesn't want to cure his problems, he finds the safety of the games comforting. Some of us have far deeper problems than Jeffs, but are trying NOT to play games around them, but instead to learn and grow beyond both the games and the problems. I offer an alternative... for those who will try to be brutally honest, and avoid games and niceties as much as possible. I AM interested in growth, and lately I seem to have a problem with getting labelled as a "man hater", because I've continually chosen as my subject, to confront and attack the foibles of the "dark side" of men. It's just that that's what's been on my mind lately. How about we turn it around and attack the dark side of Sunny? or women? I mean, I'm getting bored with Jeff, and big breasts, and the defensive reactions of men who project themselves into my critiques of the dark side of men. Hey, I'm seriously interested in exploring the games people play, especially the games women play, known as "femininity", and the games men play, known as "masculinity". Hey, we all know what genitals are, that's how you tell someone's sex. But what about casting aside ALL the games, including those of gender role? I think it's not enough to cast aside the games like "Ain't it Awful" and all the others from "Games People Play", but to also cast aside the games we all assume from age 18 months when we decide what gender we are. I mean, it certainly has worked for men to change the oil in the car because they have penises, and women to cook because they have vaginas, but surely we can question how those asignments are made, and whether they have to be. There is no REASON why women can't change the oil in their cars, or men can't cook, only AGREEMENT on SOCIAL ROLES which are "NORMAL". Certainly there is reason to be able to tell the boys from the girls in a world where the main problem is having enough hands to go around, but now that the world is grossly overpopulated, I'd like to believe that we don't have to nuke it back to the stone age to solve that problem, that birth control can be intelligently applied (since the only alternative is death control), and that we no longer have such reason to insure millions of babies. We can pause in our being fruitful and multiplying, to simply *enjoy* sex, not do it as a job for God (flames to net.religion please), and we can afford to be whole people, rather than all living under the premise that "women" will be one half of what people can be, and that "men" will be the other half of what people can be. Honest, men CAN feel emotions. Women CAN change their oil. Everyone can cook. (ok, flame me because I haven't chosen your stereotypes, but do it in private, rather than wasting net.singles space on it). My main point here is that it doesn't matter what you've got between your legs, you can be a WHOLE person, capable of anything, and you CAN allow yourself to do anything. Cast aside your inhibitions and be an INDIVIDUAL. Do what YOU want to do, not what your {friends,co-workers,mother,father,sibling,spouse} say you must do, because you are {straight,gay,male,female,Christian}. Say, hey, !@#$%^ society and it's historical "norms", and do YOUR own thing. Oh, yeah, I forgot something. It takes work to figure out what YOU want, as opposed to taking the easzy road and doing what you're "supposed to do". I should again mention M. Scott Peck's book "The Road Less Travelled" as a good model should you wish to try being an individual. Let me give you an example: Now this example is far from the norm, but it's the one I know best. It is also the most difficult to enact, because it goes counter to the largest number of social taboos. I was born male, but have always felt myself to be "a woman trapped in a man's body". It's taken a lot of guts and not a small amount of soul searching and psychotherapy, but I've finally reached the point where I CAN say it to the world. I am a transsexual, and I don't care whether you like it or not, that's what I am, and I'm a free individual, and I have the RIGHT to be the way I want to be (though want is a poor choice of words for describing gender identity, which is "decided" by age 18months). Now, if I can stand up to the wrath of the homophobes and the conformists and the religious zealots, surely you can cast off a PIECE of your social conditioning, and experiment with doing what YOU want to do, regardless of whether it is "appropriate" for your {sex,gender,race,religion,etc}. Hey, guys, go take a cooking class, or learn how to sew. Hey, gals, go take an auto-mechanics course, or learn to defend yourself. Ok, how many of you guys have the balls to wear a skirt to work? Ok, how many of you gals have the ????? to tell the president of your company to piss-off, that he's wrong, that you're right, that you're sick and fucking tired of getting less pay for more work, for being refused the more challenging and rewarding positions at work, that you'd better get a raise THIS review AND stock options up the ying-yang, or you're gonna organize a working-women's union at your company and bring the company to a skreeching halt until you get equal rights? Men aren't the only ones who can play power games. Women aren't the only ones who can be sensitive, tender, caring, nurturing. Now, I'm not claiming there aren't differences between the sexes, because there certainly are. A lot of the differences are a direct result of: hormones. Fact is, testosterone makes you aggressive and fiesty, while estrogen makes you mellow, sensitive, and cooperative. I know these things, because I have crossed the dividing line, have experienced both sides. And, unlike the chicken crossing the road to get to the other side, only to wonder why it did so, I'm determined to erase the double yellow line down the middle of the road, 'cause I can't drive 55, and at 120 you need BOTH sides of the road. The "road less travelled", the path to individuality is a LOT of work, and you often have to travel it alone, because most clones are too busy trying to conform, to have any idea of who THEY are, as opposed to what it's fashionable to conform to THIS year (ladies? dress YOUR style, not what's in fashion from {Paris,NewYawwk}). (Un)fortunately, most of the world is composed of mindless followers, sheep who are content to not think for themselves, or wimps who are afraid to be different. Or women who are content to live in the shadow of their men. OK here's my chance to turn the tables, and see how many women I can draw fire from. Now I can be labelled a "women hater" too! Why is it, women, that you are so content to live as appendages to men? To measure your success by the "stature" of your man. Is the measure of your ability (women's receptivity) the powerfulness of the man you've caught? Can you only find fulfillment vicariously? Or do you have the balls to go out into the world and assert that you are a WHOLE person, that you can stand on your own, and that YOU have a mind, full of independent thought, and that you don't need to have a man to be something? Ow! where's the fire extinguisher? Are you tired of taking only a supportive nurturing role to men and children? Do you have any desire to accomplish something in the world? Like taming the hairy beasts around you so they don't nuke the world? Ow, Ow, it's getting hot! All of you, men, women, children, WHY ARE WE HERE? What is the purpose of our spirits being incarnate in the physical world? No, NO, it's not just to grow up, have kids and die. There's a reason for it all. No, it's not to sit passively in your church and listen to some religious clone tell you what he thinks God intended for you. It's not to just read the bible and think you know God's word. It's NOT just to frig your brains out until you die. It's not to catch the world's most powerful man as your husband. It's not to catch the world's foxiest chick as your wife. It's not to have your children become "my son the doctor" or "my daughter the lawyer". It's NOT to clone UNIX systems, or even to get the top rating in "The top 25 news submitters for the last week". And, *grin*, it's not even to become the world's Zen Druid master. What is it, you ask? Hell if I know. And even if I told you what I thought it was, that answer would only be right for ME, not for YOU. We're each here in the cosmic kindergarten known as Earth for one and only one reason: To accomplish spiritual growth. Yes, we ARE spirits who have taken material form. Yes, the ultimate goal is to grow to God's level of "goodness" so we can join him in his dimension. But we have a long way to go to get there, or we wouldn't be HERE. The point is, the journey itself. And each and every one of us, born alone, will die alone, and we each must make our OWN journey, alone. Oh, you'll meet many other spirits along the road, and some you may call "wife" or "husband" for the duration of one "lifetime" or incarnation on this planet, but we've all been here before, and we'll all be back again. And we each must make it on our own. If you aren't on "the road less travelled", then you're wasting incarnations. and if you think for a minute that someone else can give you the answers, you're out of the race, and into the pit. And that, folks, is why all the interesting stuff on the net happens in net.singles. Because those who are certain they have the answers, have gotten off the road, put down roots for this lifetime, and aren't in the race for now. Those in net.marrieds are too busy reinforcing each other's mutually agreed-upon stagnant version of reality to grow. Those in net.unix-wizards are too busy arguing the relative uselessness of VMS versus UNIX, or some other method of avoiding the real truth. Fact is, there are a million games to waste time, and Jeff Sargent's games are no better nor no worse than any of them. Even playing the "I'm OK, You're OK" game can be a waste of time, unless you're helping each other grow... That, folks, is the ONLY game on the planet. Helping your brothers and sisters on their spritual growth path. I hope this helped, 'cause it's all I've been able to figure out in 34 years of battling the unknown. Oh, yeah, I mentioned I'm androgynous? What that means is, unless you're my lady Karen, it shouldn't make any difference to you what my sex or gender is, cause that's only the game I'm playing with the body I got this incarnation. That is my distraction from the journey of my spirit. If I was any better at coping with, finding, and growing my spirit, I wouldn't put so much energy into things like programming, achieving androgyny, or numbing my mind against the pain of living in this world. Hey, wake up, look around you, and what do you see? The beauty of nature? The beauty of the spirit inside the next body you see? Or lots of people busy trying to carve themselves a bigger slice of planet earth. Go ahead, nuke it, make my day. It doesn't fucking matter. 'cause we're only an n-th rate species on an m-th rate planet circling a boring star in one spiral arm of one galaxy in the (to us) visible universe. Hey, it's all just atoms in the swirl of matter as God flushes his toilet. If you want to do something interesting with your life, see if YOU can find YOUR spirit within YOUR body, and figure out for YOURSELF what YOUR RELIGION is, what YOUR journey through the infinite void is, and what YOU can do to HELP the other SPIRITS you've met in, for example, net.singles. Hey, I get bored with discussions of whose tits is biggest. or whether men should be on top or bottom when it comes to beddy bye time. What really matters is, how good are YOU at giving someone a HUG when they need it? Love someone for the spirit they are, not for the body they inhabit. What is love? Love is giving everything you can to help another spirit grow. If I've gotten on the case of "men" in this and other forums, it's because {we,they} are too caught up in catching the foxiest chick around, nailing her to the bed, and showing her off as a trophy. And if I get on the case of women, it will be for making their goal to tame the hairiest beast around. 'Cause, folks, that's the game most people in town are playing. Not that I don't find the mating game very pleasurable, and certainly that IS part of being a human bean. But what really matters, is your spirit. The "light side" of the spirit is giving love to other spirits. The "dark side" of the spirit, is grasping for power, wealth, glory, and making a gain at someone elses loss. That helps noone. You want to get somewhere in the spiritual world? Give your love to anyone you can, how you can, when they'll accept it. I can't think of a better example I've seen in this forum, than one Sir Chuqui the Plaid. That man has poured his heart out for each and every one of us. Hey, you think I'm fucked up, I'm a LOT better than I was a year ago when I discovered net.singles, and the wisdom and love of Chuqui in all his writings. So get off your arses, and see if you can improve the quality and quantity of love YOU give to those around you who need it. And EVERYONE needs it. Don't think you're wonderful because you're loving the most {beautiful woman, beastly man} as your "SO". Try a little love (yes, I mean non-sexual) on your co-workers, co-netters, co-humans. 'cause giving of your life energy IS the only game in town. trying to take more for yourself is a lose, for you and for everyone around you. Sunny -- {ucbvax,decvax,ihnp4}!sun!sunny