tracy@hcrvx1.UUCP (Tracy Tims) (01/20/85)
Several women have challenged men to put themselves in the role of women
when women encounter sexually explicit photographs of women. Well, I
have (I was once involved with a woman who was unabashed in her appreciation
of male bodies.)
It makes me uncomfortable. It doesn't make me uncomfortable because there
are all those penises hanging out for the world to see, and it doesn't make
me uncomfortable because it reduces men to sexual objects. It makes me
uncomfortable because I don't look like the sort of guy they take pictures
of. I weigh 125 pounds and I am skinny (sensitive people claim that I am
"lean"). Depending on your esthetic ideas I am either slightly goofy looking
or "cute". I prefer "cute".
Now perhaps the popularization of Adonis figures as erotic objects for females
will devalue me in the world sex and affection market. Perhaps. Most likely
though it will just mean that women will go through a phase where they think
looks are more important than the whole person. (What, they already go
through that phase? Curious. Men too? Wow.)
I figure I am already devalued in several ways. I will probably never be
rich (not terribly interested in working towards it at this point) and I
know that this will make me completely unacceptable to a certain class of
woman. The promotion of the value of material wealth has perhaps convinced
some women that I am not a whole man. But I can live with this. It's not
something I am too insecure about.
If I am devalued sexually, it will only be to a limited group of people. The
group of women that I am most attracted to (healthy, whole, really liberated
ones) are just the sort who would be able to simultaneously appreciate
sexually exciting stuff (if their tastes ran that way) and me.
But still, my pesky insecurity about my sexual attractiveness to women makes
me be a bit uncomfortable about male cheesecake. I certainly wouldn't mind
if an SO of mine liked to look at that sort of thing, unless its use was
encroaching on her notions of reality. And that's the most important part.
A healthy person can make these distinctions, can treat this sort of thing
appropriately. I am willing to put up with my fears of being compared with
much better looking men, because for the most part it's a limited
phenomenon, and healthy people don't do it (by def'n :-).
So just how much of your (women's) opposition to sexually graphic depictions
of women is insecurity and fear? How much is actually opposition to the
spread of hate and violence? Make as honest an appraisal as I have.
(And don't think you are a representative sample of the women of the world,
any more than I am a representative sample of the men. There is a lot more
fear and insecurity out there than you can shake a stick at. I suspect that
it is the primary moving force behind what we traditionally call morality.
Which perhaps is why violence is de facto more moral than sex: it is more
democratic.)
Perhaps we object to depictions of graphic sex because such typically show
beautiful people, which can make you feel inferior and less valuable. You
will be afraid that it will convince people that you have less value. (You
will see it as degrading.)
And is there something wrong with having nice looking people having sex on the
screen? When we go to see _Raiders_of_the_Lost_Ark_ we aren't going to look at
ugly, wimpy guys. It's just that sex is something a little more personal and
universal than high adventure, and it's a little harder to separate fantasy
and reality with respect to it.
But some of us can, and we want to be able to!
Tracy Tims {linus,allegra,decvax}!watmath!...
Human Computing Resources Corporation {ihnp4,utzoo}!...
Toronto, Ontario, Canada. 416 922-1937 ...hcr!hcrvx1!tracy
PS. I don't want you to get the idea that I haven't been hurt by unfair
comparisons. I once was involved with a young woman, the first
person I have ever loved (not a statement I make lightly). I
feel that she never did come to understand *me*, and my virtues,
but instead she constantly compared me to the images of men
which she had somehow decided were proper, and better. It wasn't
that she wasn't attracted to me (she was) or that we didn't get
along (we do). It's just that every so often she'd sit up and
say to herself (and to any perceptive person watching) "Hey.
Tracy's a skinny little weird guy. He's shorter than you. [She
is tall] Is this what looks good on your arm?" (In all honesty
this wasn't the only reason for the problems in out relationship.]
Now she was a young woman, and there is hope that she will grow up.
This was (so far) the most emotionally painful experience of my life
and stretched over 4 years. And still I think that mature, healthy
people can separate fantasy from reality.