ajf@pyuxa.UUCP (A Figura) (01/19/85)
[ 72% of USENETTER's prefer a hug to a bug - Jeff S makes up the other 28%]
Since I'm getting tired of the seemingly endless discussion
of:
the social merits (or lack thereof) of pornography, and
whether I should cross the street to avoid a paranoid person :-),
in net.women,
and:
whether we should nuke Jeff S. :-)
in net.singles,
I think its time to start a new discussion. I'm sure everyone has heard of
the Ann Landers survey, where 72% of the women who responded
said that they'd prefer "just a hug" to sex. (Total of >90000 responses).
How about it, netters (male and female)? - Which do you prefer:
1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, 4) none of the above (for Jeff :-)
Did Jerry Fallwell and friends stuff the ballot box (again :-), or is this
some new (or not so new?) trend in America's sexuality?
Maybe the observations of profound social change, reported by others
in net.singles, are more widespread than even previously thought!
Al F (...!{ihnp4,pyuxww}!pyuxa!ajf)
(I have nothing against a hug, but...)karl@osu-eddie.UUCP (Karl Kleinpaste) (01/20/85)
---------- > How about it, netters (male and female)? - Which do you prefer: > 1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, 4) none of the above (for Jeff :-) ---------- My wife and I talked about this one for a while. Our conclusion is that Ann Landers is off her rocker in at least 2 ways. (a) My wife argues against the 72% conclusion, saying that sex is better, but were I to develop permanent impotence for whatever reason, she would have little problem giving it up. I argue against the 72% conclusion, too. Count 2 votes for option [1] above. (2) AL's sampling technique is completely bogus. The only people who would respond to such a survey are those who have a *really strong feeling* one way or the other. That survey is unlike this network, where responding to a survey requires nothing more than the same medium used to see the question, that is, a terminal. No; to respond to AL, you have to get a postcard, write words on it, find a stamp (now let's be honest, netters: how many of you know where there's a 20c stamp in your house right now? :-), get to a post office, and mail it. That means that only those who are really motivated to one side or the other of the question will answer. Now, of those for whom the response would have been "sex over hugs" (i.e., the 28% conclusion), how many would be so motivated as to write AL a postcard? *My* wife certainly wasn't. (Maybe you or your wife was, of course...) Considering also the number of women whom AL quoted with complaints such as being raped 5 times a week by their husbands, it seems to me that those for whom the response is "hugs over sex" are considerably more motivated to their side of the question than are those of the "sex over hugs" persuasion. It was a pretty stupid way to conduct a survey. But then she never claimed it was scientific, did she? -- Karl Kleinpaste @ Bell Labs, Columbus 614/860-5107 +==-> cbrma!kk @ Ohio State University 614/422-0915 osu-eddie!karl
barryg@sdcrdcf.UUCP (Barry Gold) (01/20/85)
We recently discussed this point in APA-L (the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society's weekly amateur press association). Everyone, male and female, agreed that if it were a choice of sex without cuddling -- or cuddling without sex, they preferred the latter. And then went on to say that ideally they wanted both. I'm afraid the Landers survey indicates that far too many American women feel that they have to choose: i.e. that their lovers don't make them feel secure/loved, merely erotically desired. This may well tie into the (statistically proved) fact that people with pets tend to live longer. People need affection, and the pets apparently supply a more significant source of that than husbands do. (Judging from the fact that single women live longer than married women, while married men live longer than single men--and all sorts live longer if they have pets.) --Lee Gold
ix200@sdcc6.UUCP (Bruce Jones) (01/21/85)
In article <1117@pyuxa.UUCP> ajf@pyuxa.UUCP (A Figura) writes: >How about it, netters (male and female)? - Which do you prefer: >1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, While I can survive without sex (notice I said "survive") I find life to be very depressing without being hugged more or less on a daily basis. The hugs can be deviod of sexual content but must be from someone who needs them as much as I do to be really satisfying. I think it was Maslow who said that one needs four hugs a day for survival, eight a day for maintenance and twelve a day for growth. Anyone out there interested in some mutual growth? -- Bruce "I have just begun considering the possibilities of the next disaster" Jones
sunny@sun.uucp (Sunny Kirsten) (01/21/85)
The single most wonderfull thing in the whole world is a hug. But I don't
understand why that has to be separate from sex. But then I feel that too
many people view affection, love, and sex as disjoint. Why should you
have to choose between them? Why can't you get them all at once? Oh, I
get it. Ann Landers was talking about "the act" of sex, not the less often
practiced art of making love. Nevermind. I keep forgetting there's a
reason for the average being the norm. It's all those below average samples
weighing down the above average samples. The mere existance of the concept
of foreplay is evidence that people separate sex from making love. Bozos.
There. I didn't mention men once. Oops...
--
{ucbvax,decvax,ihnp4}!sun!sunnyedhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall) (01/21/85)
> ---------- > > How about it, netters (male and female)? - Which do you prefer: > > 1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, 4) none of the above (for Jeff :-) > ---------- If I could choose only one, I'd choose hugs over sex, too. Sex without hugs is almost unthinkable! But if I was assured of having the hugs either way, I think I'd give the same answer as almost any red-blooded... human! All in all, reading Ann Landers is a poor substitute for hugs *or* sex. -Ed Hall decvax!randvax!edhall P.S. A survey like Ann Lander's has so many uncertainties and built-in biases that it is far worse than worthless. A net survey isn't much better--but it's fun! :-)
jca@abnji.UUCP (james armstrong) (01/21/85)
>How about it, netters (male and female)? - Which do you prefer: >1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, 4) none of the above (for Jeff :-) 4) (Really!) I prefer to place no obligations on people I do things with, and do not want any guilt payment in return. And from what I've seen on dates, that is all that that is. (eh?) JCA --- Procreation? Hummph. It's time we ended that experiment.
carson@homxa.UUCP (P.CARSTENSEN) (01/22/85)
I liked Mike Royko's responding-survey a lot better (I'm not sure I have this right...they don't get Royko out here (talk about backward!) so this is second hand...)....anyhow, he's asking the guys whether seeing one's wife (all 250 # of her) wallowing across the room in her nightgown or taking the car to the carwash is better... I'll let you know if/when I hear the results...P
zubbie@wlcrjs.UUCP (01/22/85)
When I was married my husband and I had a reasonable sex life but I feel that the thing which I held as most special to me were the times when I was depressed or just plain at odds with the world and he would give me a great big hug and not say or do anything else. It was his was of saying " I'm here if you need me - lean on me if you want" without intruding into my private "space" Emotionally a hug is lots more important to me than sex, which is not implying that sex has no place or value in my life. Jeanete Zobjeck ihnp4!wlcrjs!zubbie
tdxsys@dartvax.UUCP (TDX sys Mark Mullen) (01/22/85)
> [ 72% of USENETTER's prefer a hug to a bug - Jeff S makes up the other 28%] > > Since I'm getting tired of the seemingly endless discussion > of: > the social merits (or lack thereof) of pornography, and > whether I should cross the street to avoid a paranoid person :-), > in net.women, > and: > whether we should nuke Jeff S. :-) > in net.singles, > I think its time to start a new discussion. I'm sure everyone has heard of > The Ann Landers survey and if you haven't what are you doing reading a followup to something you never read in the first place! :-) I agree, it's time to move on to new ground. Nuke Jeff, Ann Landers, and all paranoid pornographers!!!!!! Me, I'm all for hugs, as long as there's no scarcity of sex!!!! mark@ozone USENET: !decvax!dartvax!tdxsys Sex is hereditary. Chances are, if your parents never had it, neither will you.
larry@cci-bdc.UUCP (Larry DeLuca) (01/22/85)
> [ 72% of USENETTER's prefer a hug to a bug - Jeff S makes up the other 28%] > 1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, 4) none of the above (for Jeff :-) > i like both a lot (too much, sometimes). being gay, i have a peculiar vantage point because sex is always so readily available and (until recently, with the AIDS crisis) carried few long-term risks (read: pregnancy). i had been somewhat promiscuous for a while and grew very tired of sex itself, though it took me a lot longer to realize why i kept going back -- it was the loneliness -- the need to feel attractive, to feel loved. it took me a while to figure out after that that i wasn't getting what i thought i was getting from these one-night stands. i thought a lot about just asking someone home to sleep with me -- read: let's curl up together, cuddle a bit, and go to sleep -- because i missed having someone next to me at night after breaking up with my last boyfriend. I really would have preferred a hug to the sex i was getting at the time. there were a few times, however, when sex was exactly what i wanted. it took me more time than anything else to acknowledge that it was OK to have a sex drive (and an annoyingly high one at that), and that it was OK to indulge it once in a while as long as i was careful not to get (or spread) any disease and didn't hurt anyone. i find that my sex drive gets higher when i'm depressed, and i think now that has to do with wanting the reassurance of someone holding me close for a while. i've found, though, that i do prefer a steady boyfriend and a more monogamous relationship (i'm just getting started getting involved with someone, so i am seeing other people, which feels strangely foreign to me because for so long i have been a total monogamist (in belief when not in practice -- i gave myself hell for anyone i slept with that i wasn't in love with), but i learned what can happen to a potential relationship if it gets too deep too fast). i want things to go slowly, and i don't want any real pressure yet. also i think i can understand why more women would prefer a hug to sex. many men are out there to get *their* rocks off, and really don't care much about the other person, be they male or female. I have had some wonderful sex partners (mostly the ones where a mutual concern for the other person's pleasure was apparent, but not such a dominating factor that they forgot to have fun too), and i have also had a few people i wouldn't trust to screw in a lightbulb after extricating myself from their presence. While i am no 'fem' (i just consider myself a normal, average person who happens to be gay) i am constantly annoyed in particular by the 'butch' attitude -- 'I don't do that', or "you can do anything you like. just don't expect me to reciprocate." (my first boyfriend told me that. i stayed with him for a long time because we were both young (high school), each others' first, and because i was too stupid to see he was being selfish and inconsiderate). i guess what i'm saying is what i said in the first paragraph. it's nice to have both, but i can really understand the 'hug > bug' view- point, seeing as how i held it for a while. it seems that you have to know which you are looking for at the time (or if you are looking for both). once you know that, you can go from there and will probably be more satisfied with whoever you find. larry... -- uucp: ..mit-eddie!cybvax0!cci-bdc!larry arpa: henrik@mit-mc.ARPA This mind intentionally left blank.
darrell@denelcor.UUCP (Darrell McIntosh) (01/23/85)
> The single most wonderfull thing in the whole world is a hug. > {ucbvax,decvax,ihnp4}!sun!sunny Each spring the "Capitol Hill People's Fair" is held in Denver. One of the more popular booths provides free hugs. It's really nice to see a smiling face and get a free hug regardless of whether you're male or female. They even have buttons that say "Happiness is a Warm Hug". -- Darrell McIntosh, Denelcor, Inc, Aurora, CO (303) 337-7900, ihnp4!denelcor!darrell
preece@ccvaxa.UUCP (01/28/85)
The Mike Royko column proposing a counter-survey, including such questions as "Would you rather bowl a 230 game or watch you wife waddle across the room in a negligee?" was an excellent comment on the worth of such surveys. scott preece ihnp4!uiucdcs!ccvaxa!preece
rcd@opus.UUCP (Dick Dunn) (01/29/85)
> > > How about it, netters (male and female)? - Which do you prefer: > > > 1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, 4) none of the above (for Jeff :-) > ... > If I could choose only one, I'd choose hugs over sex, too. Sex without > hugs is almost unthinkable!... OK, so remember the Big Chill? Which do you prefer--sex or rationalizations? How long can YOU go without a rationalization? -- Dick Dunn {hao,ucbvax,allegra}!nbires!rcd (303)444-5710 x3086 ...Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.
zubbie@wlcrjs.UUCP (Jeanette Zobjeck) (02/14/85)
In article <1059@opus.UUCP> rcd@opus.UUCP (Dick Dunn) writes: >> > > How about it, netters (male and female)? - Which do you prefer: >> > > 1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, 4) none of the above (for Jeff :-) >> ... >> If I could choose only one, I'd choose hugs over sex, too. Sex without >> hugs is almost unthinkable!... > >OK, so remember the Big Chill? Which do you prefer--sex or >rationalizations? How long can YOU go without a rationalization? >-- >Dick Dunn {hao,ucbvax,allegra}!nbires!rcd (303)444-5710 x3086 > ...Never offend with style when you can offend with substance. Sex with hugs might be called promiscuity. Sex without hugs might be paid for in advance. =============================================================================== From the mostly vacant environment of Jeanette L. Zobjeck (ihnp4!wlcrjs!zubbie) All opinions expressed may not even be my own. ===============================================================================