gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner) (04/20/85)
> From: ssk@mhuxl.UUCP (KIOUSSOPOULOS) > Recently I moved to New Jersey from Colorado for my job. > I have noticed at clubs that all the girls dance together > and all the guys stand around and drink. Is there a reason > these men go to clubs? I go to dance, but, no asks me or anyone > else. This is a big difference to me, coming from Colorado. Finally, I have found somebody who noticed the same things I did when I first started going to clubs! Tell me, what clubs do you go to? I go to some down along Route 35 in Sayreville (for those not in the know, this is where the Jersey Shore starts). Anyhow, I've noticed the same thing and I came to a couple of partial conclu- sions. The girls who come to these clubs usually work or go to school or live reasonably close to each other, so on weekends they just sort of pile into a car and head for their favorite club. They come primarily to dance with each other. Some have male friends who work at the clubs, or know guys who come there, and they'll dance with them, but they don't usually dance with anyone they don't know. I've noticed that the guys who go to clubs usually do sit around and drink and don't dance. If they came with women the women will usu- ally try to get them to dance. Some do, but others just sit around drinking while the women dance with other women. It seems to me that they don't really want to dance. When I was in college I knew a lot of guys who didn't go to parties to dance, but to pick up women, so that may be a motivation. It's possible that the women will allow guys to buy drinks for them, and one thing may lead to another. Once when I was in a club, I was talking to another guy. We were both complain- ing that none of the women wanted to dance except with each other. He said that if you use sympathy on them, they'll dance with you. You can act as if you haven't had a dance all night, which will probably be true anyway. Another guy I met just got disgusted and left, saying the women were just a bunch of les- bians (note: this is NOT my opinion, so don't flame me). In the few times I've been able to strike up conversations with the women who go to these clubs, I've gotten the impression that they were just there to dance and not really to meet guys. Maybe they've just gotten disgusted with guys who sit around and drink all night -- I dunno. One thing that irritates me is when a good-looking women's boyfriend will be drinking all night, and she's just sort of hanging around him. If I was going out with someone, I'd try to be sensitive to what they wanted to do, so I'd do some dancing. (I like to dance, by the way, so that doesn't apply, but I'd try to enjoy something I don't really enjoy, like an art exhibit.) Anyhow, I've sort of given up on those clubs anyway because I don't really like the kind of women that go to them. I'd much rather party with some good friends, that way everyone knows each other and doesn't have to be shy or coy and just have a good time. Do any of the women who read this group go out dancing? Do you go with a date or with other women? How do you feel when no one asks you to dance? How do you feel when even your boyfriend won't ask you to dance? -- ... hey, we've gotta get out of this place, there's got to be something better than this ... Greg Skinner (gregbo) {allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo gregbo%houxm.uucp@harvard.arpa
djs@opus.UUCP (Diana Spalding) (04/25/85)
> > Recently I moved to New Jersey from Colorado for my job. > > I have noticed at clubs that all the girls dance together > > and all the guys stand around and drink. Is there a reason > > these men go to clubs? I go to dance . . . > from Greg Skinner (gregbo) > Once when I was in a club, I was talking to another guy. We were both compla in- > ing that none of the women wanted to dance except with each other. > Do any of the women who read this group go out dancing? Do you go with a dat e > or with other women? How do you feel when no one asks you to dance? How do > you feel when even your boyfriend won't ask you to dance? When I go to a bar where there's a band and people are dancing, I love it when men ask me to dance (provided they aren't drunken slobs and/or suffering from the wandering hands syndrome). The only problem is that the men often seem to PREFER to sit around and drink. I think some women (including myself) get disgusted and dance with eachother instead of waiting around. I suppose we could ask the men and sometimes I do, but generally I don't because 1) It's a hard thing for me to do, since I've been taught (socialized) to wait for men to take the initiative, and even though I don't believe that's really a good thing to do, it's a hard behavior to change, especially in certain social situations (like in bars), and 2) these guys are extra intimidating when they're sitting at the bar with a beer in their hands and have been all night (just leering at everyone). The truth is that I really don't enjoy bars per se, I just love to dance. It's funny you should mention clubs along the Jersey Shore (highway 35), since that's where some of the first bars I ever went to were. It was in the late 70's, a few months after I had split up with a man I'd been living with (he moved out). I really didn't want to get involved with anyone at that point, so when I went to bars with my friends, I enjoyed dancing with the men, but I really objected to them hanging all over me, and trying to monopolize my time the rest of the evening. Sometimes it was easier to just dance with my friends (who were also sick of having these guys hanging all over them), or to dance in big groups like we did in some of the rowdier bars (you know, you all link arms or something). Out here in Colorado I haven't found any rowdy (read *really fun*) bars, but maybe I'm not looking in the right places. Anyhow, I'm all for men and women dancing together, as long as (for me personally) the men are interested in dancing, and are not obnoxious. Diana Email . . .{attunix, hao, allegra, ucbvax}!nbires!djs
beth@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (beth d. christy) (04/30/85)
> [Greg Skinner (gregbo):] > Once when I was in a club, I was talking to another guy. We were both > complaining that none of the women wanted to dance except with each other. > Do any of the women who read this group go out dancing? Do you go with a > date or with other women? Uh, not to be pedantic Greg, but what makes you think going with a date and going with other women are mutually exclusive? -- --JB (not Elizabeth, not Beth Ann, not Mary Beth...Just Beth)
gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner) (04/30/85)
Ok, I get the general message. Those who replied largely said they like
to go out dancing to dance and not necessarily to meet guys, and it's
easier to dance with other women when you like to dance, or dance by your-
self.
Just a few more random questions:
(For guys)
Do you like to go out dancing?
If not, do you like to go out to places where people dance, because you can
meet MOTAS there, even though you may not like dancing or may not be good at
it?
If at such places, do you like to spend the time just watching the people on
the floor, or do you try to start conversations with MOTAS, or just sip your
favorite brew?
Do you go alone, or with a bunch of other guys?
(For everybody)
Assuming you like to go out dancing, do you hope to meet potential SO's where
you dance, or do you hope to make friends (I do), or do you just look for
people to dance with?
Do you find it difficult to meet people at places to dance? (I do.)
Also, if you could send mail saying where you live, and some of the places
you enjoy dancing at, I could summarize and post a listing of all the hot
night spots across the country. Anybody interested in a net party where the
theme is dancing? whuxl!recruit, are you listening?
Just a casual observation: Perhaps a larger number of guys don't like to
dance than women. Assuming that there are more women than men who go out
dancing (or to dancing places), the figures would be shifted in favor of
more women to men. Seeing as these women like to dance, they'll dance alone
or with other women. A significant amount of men I know don't like to dance
or aren't very good at it, which accounts partially for their reluctance to
dance, however the possibility of meeting MOTAS at dancing places may move
certain men to go to dancing places. Most have bars also, so they can sit
on the sidelines and drink, which is what they'd do at a bar without dancing
anyway.
--
... hey, we've gotta get out of this place,
there's got to be something better than this ...
Greg Skinner (gregbo)
{allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo
gregbo%houxm.uucp@harvard.arpawoods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods) (05/02/85)
> Just a few more random questions: > > Do you like to go out dancing? Yes, I LOVE to dance. I also hate the generalizations being made here that men only go to bars to pick up women. That is a very sexist remark, and if I made an equivalent remark about women the feminists would (justifiably) flame me from here to eternity. Here's at least one guy who loves to dance for dancing's sake. > do you like to go out to places where people dance, because you can > meet MOTAS there, even though you may not like dancing or may not be good at > it? I'm certainly not "good" at it (whatever that means), and yes, I do go to dance bars *partly* to meet MOTOS. But then again, as long as I lack an SO, I do almost everything I do *partly* as a chance to meet potential SO's, dates, lovers, or what have you. I try to keep my options open and have no expectations. Dance bars are a good place for me because it's a no-lose situation. Since I love to dance I can have a good time whether or not I meet someone. The ideal situation. > If at such places, do you like to spend the time just watching the people on > the floor, or do you try to start conversations with MOTAS, or just sip your > favorite brew? All of the above. > Do you go alone, or with a bunch of other guys? In general, I prefer a mixed group (gender-wise). I do love to dance, but I *hate* the "dance scene". I hate the actual act of finding a dance partner. I have to put my ego on the line to be rejected, I have to worry about how to ask for a dance without it being interpreted as a pick-up (while still keeping the latter option open in case I *do* find that particular woman attractive after I talk to her for a while), etc. It can be a real nerve-straining experience. I prefer to go with female friends; that way, I have someone to dance with without the necessity of going through the hassle of finding a dance partner. Obviously, I go to dance bars *primarily* to dance. > Assuming you like to go out dancing, do you hope to meet potential SO's where > you dance, or do you hope to make friends (I do), or do you just look for > people to dance with? All of the above. > Do you find it difficult to meet people at places to dance? (I do.) Yes, as described above. --Greg -- {ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!noao | harpo!seismo | ihnp4!noao} !hao!woods CSNET: woods@NCAR ARPA: woods%ncar@CSNET-RELAY "...I may not be right but I've never been wrong It seldom turns out the way it does in the song..."
ee163ahe@sdcc13.UUCP (VICTOR ROMANO) (05/03/85)
I think this is a survey, but decided to post it in public because it admits some things that I haven't seen anyone else admit. Am I alone on these opinions? Or am I just the only *man* out there who isn't afraid to admit them? Let me first show a small summary of articles to show some support that I am not the "sex starved" male that a lot of you will think after reading this. In article <720@rayssd.UUCP> hxe@rayssd.UUCP writes: >> 4) If women are so keen to dance (otherwise why would they be >> dancing alone, or with each other) why don't they ask a guy >> to dance? Last time I checked the calendar it was the mid-80's, >> not the 50's. >> Rick Gillespie ...!{cepu|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|ucbvax}!ucla-cs!rick > >Excuse me, but these women *are* dancing. They're just not dancing >with men. Is this what upsets you? When I go out to dance, I go >out to dance, not to meet men. In article <1225@houxm.UUCP> gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner) writes: >Just a short comment on women dancing with women. > >Women are pretty lucky to be able to get other women to go out dancing with >them. It is not generally accepted for men to dance with other men. If I >were to ask some of my male friends to dance, they'd probably look at me >very strangely. >It's tough on men who like to go out dancing but can't find women to dance >with them, because they are happy dancing with other women. > >Greg Skinner (gregbo) And, on to my answers to the survey... In article <1224@houxm.UUCP> gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner) writes: >(For guys) >Do you like to go out dancing? No. Dancing is fun once in a while, but it's usually boring. >If not, do you like to go out to places where people dance, because you can >meet MOTAS there, even though you may not like dancing or may not be good at >it? I cannot say I *like* to do that, but once in a while I go. When I go, thought, it is specifically for the reason of meeting MOTAS. Remember all those old articles that were around telling men who have trouble finding women to go to dance places? Well I do, for that reason. So why do women object when men go for this reason then? They were the ones advising it in the earlier articles. >If at such places, do you like to spend the time just watching the people on >the floor, or do you try to start conversations with MOTAS, or just sip your >favorite brew? I try to start conversations with MOTAS. Unfortunately, most MOTAS are uninterested in starting conversations with me, so I usually wind up spending the time just watching the people on the floor. I do not drink beer. >Do you go alone, or with a bunch of other guys? I sometimes go alone. I sometimes go with other guys. And once in a blue moon, I actually go with a woman or a group of women. >Assuming you like to go out dancing, do you hope to meet potential SO's where >you dance, or do you hope to make friends (I do), or do you just look for >people to dance with? All three. I find all of these difficult to do a dances. I must say that I *do* enjoy dancing *if I'm dancing with someone*. So, I am not really going to the wrong place to do what I want. >Do you find it difficult to meet people at places to dance? (I do.) Definitely. So, you have it. When I go to dances, I basically go to meet MOTAS, and hopefully potential SOs. However, I never have found this to be a very good place to go for these things. Thus, I don't go very often. Victor Romano What's that sound? What sound? Is it the piper? Do you mean Syd? No, I mean Dave. ------------------------------ We're two of a kind, silence and I. We need a chance to talk things over. We're two of a kind, silence and I. We need a chance to work it out. -AP