jmsellens@watmath.UUCP (John M Sellens) (06/10/85)
In article <2238@topaz.ARPA> Liz Sommers writes: > I see nothing wrong with telling a woman that she looks good. I LIKE it > when somebody tells me that I am looking my best. ... I find > that an occasional compliment from a stranger makes me feel good. I am > certainly not looking my best for the benefit of the crt, it is for me and > those around me. Ahh, finally, something other than weak attempts at bathroom humour. Sometimes, I'll see a woman, who is smiling, seems glad to be alive, and looks nice. And I'll want to say something like "it's really nice seeing a nice looking woman smiling on a nice sunny spring day" and then walk on. (Well, maybe not something that sounds quite that stupid ... :-) ) But, I don't want to be rude, and I don't want it to sound like I'm coming on to her (well, at least not every time :-) ), and I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable having this strange guy coming up to her. How do the women on the net feel about things like this? Would it be acceptable behaviour? (assuming of course that it's not a dark and stormy night, or some other discomforting situation). John
sed408@ihlpg.UUCP (s. dugan) (06/11/85)
> In article <2238@topaz.ARPA> Liz Sommers writes: > > > I see nothing wrong with telling a woman that she looks good. I LIKE it > > when somebody tells me that I am looking my best. ... I find > > that an occasional compliment from a stranger makes me feel good. I am > > certainly not looking my best for the benefit of the crt, it is for me and > > those around me. > > Ahh, finally, something other than weak attempts at bathroom humour. > > Sometimes, I'll see a woman, who is smiling, seems glad to be alive, and > looks nice. And I'll want to say something like "it's really nice seeing > a nice looking woman smiling on a nice sunny spring day" and then walk on. > (Well, maybe not something that sounds quite that stupid ... :-) ) > > But, I don't want to be rude, and I don't want it to sound like I'm coming > on to her (well, at least not every time :-) ), and I don't want to make her > feel uncomfortable having this strange guy coming up to her. > > How do the women on the net feel about things like this? Would it be > acceptable behaviour? (assuming of course that it's not a dark and stormy > night, or some other discomforting situation). > > John Dear God, I hope men aren't getting so afraid of being taken the wrong way that they're afraid to say nice things to women. What is this world coming to? PLEASE KEEP SAYING THE NICE THINGS (in an non-threatening way)!!!!!! -- Sarah E. Dugan (a friend of Dr. Bob and Bill W.) "One Day At A Time"
oyster@uwmacc.UUCP (06/12/85)
In article <585@ihlpg.UUCP> sed408@ihlpg.UUCP (s. dugan) writes: >Dear God, I hope men aren't getting so afraid of being taken the wrong way >that they're afraid to say nice things to women. What is this world coming >to? PLEASE KEEP SAYING THE NICE THINGS (in an non-threatening way)!!!!!! >-- >Sarah E. Dugan >(a friend of Dr. Bob and Bill W.) >"One Day At A Time" How about "Dear God, I can't even say something nice to a woman without being misinterpreted." It's not fear that stops me from saying nice things, or offering to walk somebody home, or staying on the same side of the street at night, but sadness and anger that my well-meaning acts are taken out of context. I'll continue to take the path of least resistance. -- - joel "vo" plutchak {allegra,ihnp4,seismo}!uwvax!uwmacc!oyster "Take what I say in a different way and it's easy to say that this is all confusion."
matt@oddjob.UUCP (Matt Crawford) (06/12/85)
In article <585@ihlpg.UUCP> sed408@ihlpg.UUCP (Sarah E. Dugan) writes: >Dear God, I hope men aren't getting so afraid of being taken the wrong way >that they're afraid to say nice things to women. What is this world coming >to? PLEASE KEEP SAYING THE NICE THINGS (in an non-threatening way)!!!!!! 'Fraid so, Sarah. Unless they smile or say something first, I don't feel free to anything more than assume a vaguely pleasant facial expression and point it in their direction. (If I'm in the vaguely pleasant mood which goes with this activity, the expression is usually already in place, so it won't be mistaken for leering!) This is a neighborhood where almost everyone, men and women alike, carries a whistle. Luckily, this is also a neighborhood where people turn out when a whistle is blown. _____________________________________________________ Matt University crawford@anl-mcs.arpa Crawford of Chicago ihnp4!oddjob!matt
regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard) (06/12/85)
I've never liked being complimented, even by people I know, so I wouldn't much appreciate some total stranger walking up and telling me I looked nice, or friendly, or cheerful, or whatever (ala "impulse" commercial). I probably wouldn't knock his teeth out, though. When it happens, I say, "oh, do you think so?" in a pleasant tone of voice, and let it go. The question is, why not just appreciate silently? What are we _really_ trying to express by complimenting strangers? I've been guilty of telling people on occasion that they were looking good, usually because they had done something notably different, and I find that most people respond to such comments favorably. I've always wondered why.
ginger@ssc-vax.UUCP (Ginger Grover) (06/13/85)
>I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable having this >strange guy coming up to her. Sorry, but you would. Women learn the hard way that *all* men are suspect, even the ones they know. ******** FLAME ON (general - not directed at the above referenced author) ******** There's been a lot of garbage here lately about how some men feel insulted that some women tend to lump all men together as potential rapists, that women are being sexist or rabidly feminist, etc. They say it isn't fair. Well, RAPE isn't fair. You can recover from a bruised ego; you DO NOT recover from the atrocity of rape. EVER. Can't you guys understand that women *MUST* make such generalizations? It is literally a matter of life and death, and such considerations as whether a guy is going to feel insulted by a woman's wariness are not a priority, except to the degree that it might make him inclined to attack her for the "insult". It's a no-win situation for everyone, but some women (rightly or wrongly) do tend to feel they have a helluva lot more at stake. Listening to self-centered petulant complaints that it's not fair for women to be suspicious of *all* men can be as upsetting as the verbal attack Ellen suffered. Until enough men realize that they have just as much at stake as women do in puting an end to rape, and make up their minds to DO something about it, nothing will change. There is little that women, by themselves, can do about the prevalence of rape; we need men to help us. Are you going to refuse to help us because you feel insulted at being considered a potential rapist "just because you're a man"? How much more would you feel insulted if you were made to feel like a hunted animal? What are YOU going to do right now, today, to end the Reign of Terror? ********* FLAME OFF ********* Ginger ihnp4!uw-beaver!ssc-vax!ginger (within screaming distance of the Green River . . . . . ) The above opinions are my own; I no longer give a damn whether my employer sanctions them.
sophie@mnetor.UUCP (Sophie Quigley) (06/13/85)
> Ahh, finally, something other than weak attempts at bathroom humour. > > Sometimes, I'll see a woman, who is smiling, seems glad to be alive, and > looks nice. And I'll want to say something like "it's really nice seeing > a nice looking woman smiling on a nice sunny spring day" and then walk on. > (Well, maybe not something that sounds quite that stupid ... :-) ) > > But, I don't want to be rude, and I don't want it to sound like I'm coming > on to her (well, at least not every time :-) ), and I don't want to make her > feel uncomfortable having this strange guy coming up to her. > > How do the women on the net feel about things like this? Would it be > acceptable behaviour? (assuming of course that it's not a dark and stormy > night, or some other discomforting situation). > > John Some men have done similar things to me, and what I find to be the most pleasant and non-ambiguous is for a man to simply say hi with a smile and walk on without looking back (because I will be looking back wondering whether I know this person or not). -- Sophie Quigley {allegra|decvax|ihnp4|linus|watmath}!utzoo!mnetor!sophie
beth@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (Beth Christy) (06/14/85)
[keep :-)ing] >Sometimes, I'll see a woman, who is smiling, seems glad to be alive, and >looks nice. And I'll want to say something like "it's really nice seeing >a nice looking woman smiling on a nice sunny spring day" and then walk on. >(Well, maybe not something that sounds quite that stupid ... :-) ) > >But, I don't want to be rude, and I don't want it to sound like I'm coming >on to her (well, at least not every time :-) ), and I don't want to make her >feel uncomfortable having this strange guy coming up to her. > >How do the women on the net feel about things like this? Would it be >acceptable behaviour? (assuming of course that it's not a dark and stormy >night, or some other discomforting situation). > >John FIRST AND FOREMOST: When there's *any* hint of a come-on, or of disrespect, I find comments from strangers *most* distateful and don't respond, shall we say, positively. Now for the good news: But I find it rather pleasant when people compliment me simply as an expression of pleasure. ... I wanna give you some lovely philosophy about how I enjoy "bringing a ray of sunshine into someone else's day", but I think that's bullshit. I think I just plain like getting complimented. :-) Followed closely by mindless babblings of a tired woman: Frankly, part of me's kinda sorry to see people worrying so much. Don't get me wrong - I think it's *very* important to be sensitive to other people's feelings, and I encourage *some* introspection into every aspect of one's life. And, John, I'm glad to see you asking the question, 'cause (I think) it means you're looking at your behavior because you truly want to avoid offending women, and that you're open to the response. But, well, I just wanna say "don't freeze up on us". If you truly are open to how other people respond to you, if you truly will change your behavior if you find other people taking offense, well then you have a good heart. So trust it, and follow it. Good hearts are hard to find, and sometimes I regret that they're the ones who are so careful that they sometimes don't open up and show themselves. You may offend *some* people - some people are offended by *anything*. But if you can be sensitive to the effects you're having in a particular situation, well then trust yourself and your good heart. Don't worry so much that you freeze up. Relax and enjoy yourself, and the people around you. More than you bargained for, eh? Well, ok, I'll quit babbling. Hang in, and keep :-)ing. -- --JB Life is just a bowl.
9234dwz@houxf.UUCP (T.SIEFRING) (06/14/85)
-> What are
->YOU going to do right now, today, to end the Reign of Terror?
->
-> Ginger
->
-> ihnp4!uw-beaver!ssc-vax!ginger
->
How can I or any other male help when you're spending most of the time
flaming at us for our "insensitivity" instead of telling us HOW to end
"....the Reign of Terror" ?
If you send out more information and less plain NOISE you WILL get more
people to listen. The fact that "some" men understand something of the
problem shows that communication is useful unless you prefer to believe
that you've brow beaten men into accepting the problem.
Incidentally, this is an open letter and not intended directly at Ginger,
[my favorite spice ;-) ].
Dave Peak
@ !hotel!dxp
"My buddy..................Buddy Bear !" - Jimmy Buffettodd@SCINEWS.UUCP (Todd Jones) (06/14/85)
> > > I've never liked being complimented, even by people I know, so I wouldn't > much appreciate some total stranger walking up and telling me I looked > nice, or friendly, or cheerful, or whatever (ala "impulse" commercial). > I probably wouldn't knock his teeth out, though. When it happens, I > say, "oh, do you think so?" in a pleasant tone of voice, and let it go. > > The question is, why not just appreciate silently? What are we _really_ > trying to express by complimenting strangers? > > I've been guilty of telling people on occasion that they were looking good, > usually because they had done something notably different, and I find that > most people respond to such comments favorably. I've always wondered why. What an intelligent posting. You obviously have a great command of logic and show it. I think you are one of the best contributors on the net. Keep it up! -Todd Jones P.S. You must also be quite a stylish dresser!
chrisa@azure.UUCP (Chris Andersen) (06/16/85)
> > > I've never liked being complimented, even by people I know, so I wouldn't > much appreciate some total stranger walking up and telling me I looked > nice, or friendly, or cheerful, or whatever (ala "impulse" commercial). > I probably wouldn't knock his teeth out, though. When it happens, I > say, "oh, do you think so?" in a pleasant tone of voice, and let it go. > > The question is, why not just appreciate silently? What are we _really_ > trying to express by complimenting strangers? > > I've been guilty of telling people on occasion that they were looking good, > usually because they had done something notably different, and I find that > most people respond to such comments favorably. I've always wondered why. Because it makes us feel that we have done something worthwhile. That it wasn't a totally frivolous(sp?) act. It makes us feel human instead of mutant. Instead of wondering why others like getting compliments, maybe you should wonder why you don't. Chris Andersen "Come on up and e-mail me sometime."
jrrt@mtuxo.UUCP (r.mitchell) (06/18/85)
The question is, why not just appreciate silently? What are we
_really_ trying to express by complimenting strangers?
I'm paying a debt. If you've brightened my day, I'm obliged (by my
personal ocde of conduct) to give a try at brightening yours. The
best way I've found to do so is to pay a compliment.
Of course, when I pay a compliment, the other person is under no
obligation to even acknowledge my existence, so no reply is required.
Who was it that said, "When you pay a compliment, don't demand a receipt?"
Rob Mitchell {allegra,ihnp4}!mtuxo!jrrt
Es un entreverado loco, lleno de lucidos intervalos.
(He is a muddled fool, full of lucid intervals. *Don Quixote*)oyster@uwmacc.UUCP (Vicious Oyster) (06/18/85)
In article <2@ssc-vax.UUCP> ginger@ssc-vax.UUCP (Ginger Grover) writes: >>I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable having this >>strange guy coming up to her. > >Sorry, but you would. Women learn the hard way that *all* men >are suspect, even the ones they know. > >******** >FLAME ON (general - not directed at the above referenced author) >******** > >There's been a lot of garbage here lately... >insulted that some women tend to lump all men together as potential >rapists, that women are being sexist or rabidly feminist, etc. >They say it isn't fair. Well, RAPE isn't fair. You can recover from >a bruised ego; you DO NOT recover from the atrocity of rape. EVER. > >Listening to self-centered >petulant complaints that it's not fair for women to be suspicious >of *all* men can be as upsetting... >Until enough men realize that they have just as much at stake as women >do in puting an end to rape, and make up their minds to DO something >about it, nothing will change. There is little that women, by themselves, >can do about the prevalence of rape; we need men to help us. Are you >going to refuse to help us because you feel insulted at being considered >a potential rapist "just because you're a man"? How much more would you >feel insulted if you were made to feel like a hunted animal? > >********* >FLAME OFF >********* Well thanks for the contribution towards promoting understanding between the sexes (sarcasm). When one woman says to keep on complimenting strangers, and several men respond that they won't for exactly the reasons you give above, you read it as "self-centered petulant complaining." Given your reaction, how can you wonder why men sometimes feel that they can't help? I don't claim to be an expert at interpersonal relationships, but flaming at people doesn't seem to be a good way to ask for help. -- - joel "vo" plutchak {allegra,ihnp4,seismo}!uwvax!uwmacc!oyster "Take what I say in a different way and it's easy to say that this is all confusion."
edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall) (06/20/85)
I find it unspeakably sad that some folks actually get offended at receiving a heartfelt compliment. Such an attitude of alienation sounds like a hard way to experience life. Violent and uncaring as it sometimes is, the world is not *that* unfriendly, is it? -Ed Hall decvax!randvax!edhall
sunny@sun.uucp (Ms. Sunny Kirsten) (06/20/85)
> -> What are > ->YOU going to do right now, today, to end the Reign of Terror? > -> > -> Ginger > -> > -> ihnp4!uw-beaver!ssc-vax!ginger > -> > > How can I or any other male help when you're spending most of the time > flaming at us for our "insensitivity" instead of telling us HOW to end > "....the Reign of Terror" ? > > If you send out more information and less plain NOISE you WILL get more > people to listen. The fact that "some" men understand something of the > problem shows that communication is useful unless you prefer to believe > that you've brow beaten men into accepting the problem. > > Incidentally, this is an open letter and not intended directly at Ginger, > [my favorite spice ;-) ]. > > Dave Peak > @ !hotel!dxp > > "My buddy..................Buddy Bear !" - Jimmy Buffet You can start by voicing to the men you encounter in your life the attitudes you seem to support here in this newsgroup. If you hear a man voicing sexist opinions, counter with your nonsexist opinions. Stand up and be heard. Sunny -- {ucbvax,decvax,ihnp4}!sun!sunny (Ms. Sunny Kirsten)
jla@usl.UUCP (Joe Arceneaux) (06/24/85)
In article <585@ihlpg.UUCP> sed408@ihlpg.UUCP (s. dugan) writes: > > Dear God, I hope men aren't getting so afraid of being taken the wrong way > that they're afraid to say nice things to women. What is this world coming > to? PLEASE KEEP SAYING THE NICE THINGS (in an non-threatening way)!!!!!! > -- > Sarah E. Dugan Yes, I only compliment women whom I know will not misinterpret me. -- Joe Arceneaux Lafayette, LA {akgua, ut-sally}!usl!jla