ellen@reed.UUCP (Ellen Eades) (07/13/85)
All the debate on marrying someone below your station makes me cringe, but I am going to put in my two cents worth. I've never made more than $7.00/hr and never had a relationship with anyone poorer than myself; that may change after I get out of Reed (please, Goddess, let me get out of Reed), I don't know. In my stop-out year from college in 1982-3 I had a relationship with a man who made about twice as much as I (I was working half time and writing the other half) working at Glendale School District as a programmer. The relationship became rocky in part because I felt extremely uncomfortable about the disparity in our incomes. Now, this may be just a personal quirk of mine; I hate borrowing money, usually insist on paying my half, and generally get uncomfortable if I feel I "owe" someone. But anyway, I rapidly lost my self-worth in that relationship because I felt that all I was contributing was sex and some minor housecleaning; in short I felt like a whore; I traded sex for food, shelter and companionship. I will *never* *ever* do that again. In order to feel like I was contributing more, I effaced myself; went to his friends' homes, participated in his activities, learned his interests. I became single again and it was like rediscovering myself. Now I have been uninvolved for almost three years. It's wonderful. I don't have to justify myself to myself or to anyone else. I'm not saying I won't ever get in a relationship again, but I'm going to be very careful never to get into one where I am not valued for me. I don't know if I can feel this way, right now, around men as opposed to women, but I might try again someday. Ellen Eades -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - "Who's been repeating all that hard stuff to you?" "I read it in a book," said Alice. - - - - - - - - - - - - - tektronix!reed!ellen OR tektronix!reed!motel6!ellen