wmartin@brl-tgr.ARPA (Will Martin ) (07/17/85)
The following text is just as my wife wrote it up, and I am merely transcribing it: From Beverly Martin to the net: There are a great many points to be addressed in this discussion and I'll do my best to cover them. First of all -- my attitude towards work. Someone aptly put it this way: "I don't live to work, I work to live." I have been working, with the exception of a few short breaks and the approximately one to one and a half years my husband mentioned following the close of my retail business, since I graduated (at the age of 16) from high school in January, 1953. I completed approximately one year of college at night school over a period of years. One reason I didn't complete college was that at the time I graduated from high school my parents couldn't afford to pay my way and I wasn't interested enough to work my way through. Later I had developed some strongly disapproving attitudes about college education and so I really only studied what appealed to me. But I am really not a dummy! In that length of time I have held approximately 20 jobs, not including the business I operated for a time. My husband stated what both his and my views are about work; that is, that being identified by your work is not really a true picture of the person that you are, unless that is all there is to you. Even though my job title with the Army was "Contract Specialist", holding this job was primarily to support the things the "real me" wanted to do, as did all my previous jobs. I wanted to travel, to have a home of my own, to have clothes and books and a million other things. Working was just a means to many ends. My attitude toward my present work, that of being temporary office help, is changed only slightly from the above. There is the added need to keep up skills in case it should ever become necessary for me to earn my own living again. It is very difficult to get a job when you are middle-aged when you have no recent work experience and have no current marketable skills. Some of you seem to look down on temporary workers. I don't know if you have had a bad experience with temporary help or if you just don't know what you are talking about and have some unreasoning bias against us, but I have to be more flexible and able to adapt than someone holding a permanent job. I have to have many marketable skills in order to fit into the routine of any office I am assigned to and be able to do the work in a competent manner. I have been fortunate in working for Kelly Services in being assigned to work in offices in some of the leading firms in the downtown St. Louis area. I have advantqges that an ordinary worker does not have: a) I can specify when and in what area of the city I want to work in; b) I can take off just before Christmas and hibernate with my dog during all the bad weather of winter, not returning to work until it is all over with, going back to a job that will pay me the same salary I was making before I took off; c) I can take a week or a few days off whenever I want to without jeapordizing my job; d) I receive much better than average pay for part-time work than I could anywhere else; e) I can specify the hours I would be interested in working, and I did when I applied for work with Kelly. My Army job paid well, but there was great stress involved (I fractured 3 teeth in 3 months because of stress). Generally working conditions were poor; the caliber of people with whom I worked was very low; I had very little respect for management; I was "whistleblower" and triggered what at that time was the longest *contractor* protest in the history of the General Accounting Office, by siding with the contractor. (The General Accounting Office had never before had a Contract Specialist side with the Contractor against the Contracting Officer and question the Contracting Officer's judgement.) My primary reason for leaving the Army was not that my husband brainwashed me or influenced me, even though he supported me in it, but because the dummies moved the agency to another part of the city where *no* amount of money could persuade me to work -- I consider it a slum, and you have to go through long stretches of slums to get there from where I live. They moved from the downtown area which was easily accessible from any part of St. Louis City and County by bus to a place where the bus service was quite poor (it was the stupidest thing I have ever heard of). As far as my business was concerned, even though it was not a success and I lost my money as well as some of Will's, I am thrilled to have had the opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream -- that of being my own boss. I loved every minute of it. Will gave me both moral and financial support in this venture and I owe him a debt of gratitude for this. The reason for my failure was not really any inadequacy on my part, other than some matters of judgement. I was in the wrong business at the wrong place and wrong time. Afterward I didn't, to the best of my remembrance, feel any stong feelings of failure, nor do I today. Before opening the business I did a lot of research, and, at one seminar I attended, the point was made that you really shouldn't START a business if you can't deal with failure without taking it personally. So very many new small businesses do fail during their first years. I gave it some thought and decided I wouldn't have any trouble dealing with failure if it came, and I haven't. I once heard it said that when one door closes, another opens. When the business closed, I had the opportunity to stay home and "play housewife" for a year or more. When that began to pall (and it did), I decided I would just work part time to keep up my skills. I have been delighted with my temporary work. I don't "take my work home with me" at night as I did when I worked for the Army (and other jobs, too, for that matter). I have very few responsibilities on these assignments, but each new assigment is a challenge, and I throw myself into it as if I would be there for a long time or I was working for a promotion. I take a great deal of pride in my work and time has shown that I am successful at this, as I have to keep fending off would-be employers with a stick, as I don't want a full-time job and the problems that go with it. Most of the time I work 5-day weeks, just as you do. The Kelly people have repeatedly told me that they wish they could have a few dozen more as competent as I. That's not bragging -- that's a fact. I could work 52 weeks a year for them if I wanted to. As far as waking up one morning to realize that I could have achieved whatever ambition or goal I may have, I know I can do anything I want to do and I am fortunate in having the options of doing whatever I want to do. This is something many women, my own mother included, have not been able to do. I realize that my husband might have sounded patronizing to some of you and someone made the point that you really have to know the individuals involved before passing judgement on some matters. I am very likely one of the most "liberated" women you could ever meet. I do not ALLOW William or anyone else to boss me around or tell me how to run my life. I decide that. As far as my (or Will's) parents are concerned, both our fathers have been dead for many years and the mothers do not try to influence. As far as children are concerned, I NEVER wanted any children. I have had enough responsibility in my life. I don't want to spend the rest of my life working to support children; I don't like noise, and I am a very possessive person and would never tolerate having my belongings disturbed. Will and I married for love, if you'll pardon the use of an overworked phrase; we are still in love. We eloped to Las Vegas because I don't believe in blood tests. Will humors me beyond belief (I don't think he really wanted a big wedding either). When Will and I announced that we would definitely be planning to have no children, I think everyone breatherd a sigh of relief. We are just not cut out to be parents. As far as self-confidence is concerned, I think beginning my own business and delaing with it from beginning to end, and dealing with my feelings about its lack of success, has built up my confidence immeasurably. There isn't anybody that I'm not just as good as, or that I can't tell to "sit on it" whenever I feel it needs to e said. There isn't any job I feel I can't tackle, except some I just am simply not physically capable of performing. As far as being "subjugated" by Will is concerned, I am forever telling him that, if that is how he wanted to treat a wife, he should have married a "90-pound weakling" instead of me. I come from a long line of stongminded women, independent and hardworking, competent and level-headed. It would be uphill work to subjugate me. I have to express my thanks to Will for his response [mailed -WM] to Moira Mallison when he said that he is "such a sucker" because he loves me. It pleased me no end, but did not come as a surprise as he has always made these feelings known. He has always been supportive of me in any steps I've taken and even when asked for an opinion, was more likely to tell me to do just as I wished (which I would have done anyway). I think that some things were read into Will's comments that were not really there. Will's is a strong personality ad I wouldn't have him any other way. He's a loving husband, a good provider, good company for me and his friends and family, an interesting person with a strong sense of the ridiculous, and I hope that we have many long years of marriage together. If you knew him personally, I think that your reactions to his input would have been very different. Bevery Gail Martin ***End of text by Beverly Martin, transcribed by Will Martin**** Note from Will: if it has any bearing, we've been married 11 years so far... WM