mmar@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (Mitchell Marks) (07/02/85)
Below, I transcribe an ad that my friend Sarah has kept posted on
her refrigerator along with a St. Bambi postcard (patroness of
bowling), "Tortilla with face of Jesus" clipping, and similar
oddities. It uses no graphics, but does have different type sizes
and weights, which I've tried to indicate marginally. The
whole measures 20 pi x 37 pi (that's picas; equiv 3.3 in x 6.2 in).
A few disclaimers and notes afterwards.
('Reversed' = white letters on black stripe.)
(Type sizes are approximate.)
[QUOTATION ON]
____________________________________________________________
| |
12-14pt? | D I S C O V E R |
| NEW TECHNIQUE FOR WOMEN TO USE TO |
18pt? | |
reversed | A V O I D H E R P E S |
| |
| and other contagious diseases that are transmitted by |
regular | sitting on dirty toilets. Better than a towelette. You |
9-10pt | do not have to touch the toilet, even with your hands. |
| |
14pt bf | NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO SIT DOWN ON |
| ANOTHER FILTHY TOILET TO URINATE |
| |
| A light flexible plastic device designed by a PhD/MSW |
regular | team and tested by hospital nurses lets we women do what |
we have been waiting for generations to do naturally |
| |
16pt bf | --- S T A N D U P A N D U R I N A T E!!!!! --- |
| |
| Feel really fresh and extra clean. Lets a woman stand up |
| while urinating where she simply REFUSES to sit down. |
| In public restrooms. In an airplane or boat. Along |
| the highway. Feel SAFE while travelling. |
| |
| Easy and Simple to Use |
reversed | NOW WOMEN CAN URINATE ANYWHERE!!! |
| |
'just like | JUST LIKE MEN! Good for children, too. One size fits |
men' in bf | all. Reuse over & over again. |
| |
address | Femiceutical Corp.; 1025 Park Bldg., 355 5th |
6 pt | Ave., Pgh. PA 1522 |
i.e. tiny | |
| |
| FIRST TIME AVAILABLE AT LOW COST: $5.99* |
| Fits in Your Purse |
| |
| *Include $1 for shipping and handling, and 6% sales |
| tax if shipped to address in PA. Satisfaction |
| guaranteed or money back within 30 days. |
| |
'STAND-NP' | tm |
xtra large | MAIL TO STAND-NP . Femiceutical Corp., |
| Drawer D Pittsburgh, PA 15273. |
continues ... ...
with |___________________________________________________________|
coupon
[QUOTATION OFF]
Now those disclaimers and notes:
1. If you really think this newsgroup needs an explanation of why this
is a peculiar idea, or what's wrong with the "Why can't a woman be
more like a man?" approach of the ad, go ahead, I suppose, but don't
drag me into it. I'm just quoting. [On the other hand, if you
think it's a wonderful invention, and want to flame me for making
fun of it, good luck.]
2. No, I'm not making it up.
3. The exact source isn't available (somebody else clipped it and sent it
to my friend). It's on newsprint, and the reverse has an ad for
Barnes & Noble bookstores and an announcement: "Poet Joseph Brodsky
and Novelist James Purdy In Person Thursday, November 10 at 8:00 p.m.
Lincoln Center". So I think it's either VLS ([Village] Voice Literary
Supplement) or NYTBR. In any case, it's not an April 1 issue, so the
publication wasn't just making it up either.
(Mention of Thurs 10 November puts it in 1983.)
4. So, could the people who placed the ad be kidding? But they sound
awfully earnest.
Well, it's one kind of solution to part of the consumption-of-toilet-
paper issue, hmmm?
--
-- Mitch Marks @ UChicago
...ihnp4!gargoyle!sphinx!mmarcrs@lanl.ARPA (07/03/85)
> (Type sizes are approximate.) > > [QUOTATION ON] > ____________________________________________________________ > | | > 12-14pt? | D I S C O V E R | > | NEW TECHNIQUE FOR WOMEN TO USE TO | > 18pt? | | > reversed | A V O I D H E R P E S | > | | > | and other contagious diseases that are transmitted by | > regular | sitting on dirty toilets. Better than a towelette. You | > 9-10pt | do not have to touch the toilet, even with your hands. | > | | > 14pt bf | NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO SIT DOWN ON | > | ANOTHER FILTHY TOILET TO URINATE | > . > . > . > | Fits in Your Purse | > | | > | *Include $1 for shipping and handling, and 6% sales | > | tax if shipped to address in PA. Satisfaction | > | guaranteed or money back within 30 days. | > | | > 'STAND-NP' | tm | > xtra large | MAIL TO STAND-NP . Femiceutical Corp., | > | Drawer D Pittsburgh, PA 15273. | > continues ... ... > with |___________________________________________________________| > coupon > > [QUOTATION OFF] This is in the FYI category: I agree that the advertisement is likely serious. For quite some time now I have been seeing in backpacking and other outdoor magazines ads for a similar product purporting to make it more convenient for female backpackers to "go behind a bush" so to speak. Has anyone actually tried one? -- Charlie Sorsby ...!{cmcl2,ihnp4,...}!lanl!crs crs@lanl.arpa
srm@nsc.UUCP (Richard Mateosian) (07/19/85)
>> | NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO SIT DOWN ON | >> | ANOTHER FILTHY TOILET TO URINATE | All over France there are public toilets for men and women that consist of a hole in the floor and a pair of footprints to show you where to stand. -- Richard Mateosian {cbosgd,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}!nsc!srm nsc!srm@decwrl.ARPA