wjr@x.UUCP (Bill Richard) (10/10/85)
Summary: Note: This is STella Calvert, aka mrswjr, a guest on this account. In article <12130@rochester.UUCP> ray@rochester.UUCP (Ray Frank) writes: >Many marriage counselors today feel that marriages are not working because of >the 'ME' attitude instead of the 'WE' attitude. The 'ME' attitude is a >symtom of this new age we have entered, you know, this period of personal >enlightenment of rediscovering one's self. The 'WE' attitude is more the >tradionalists thinking from another age commonly refered to as the past. > >I've heard these counselors also mention that committment, which is a key word >in a marriage, is very difficult to achieve by people who are more into >their own desires and self-serving interests than people who are not. >In any case, I'm no expert, only someone who recognizes that the divorce rate >compared to another age is way outa sight and I happen to agree with some of >the experts who think they know why. > regards > ray > When Bill and I were married, we stood in front of a few friends, and on the basis of five years cohabiting experience in following our individual desires jointly, recognized that we were an effective team. I know our commitment is strong, because it is based on love under will. Do what thou will _shall_ be the whole of the law, and because we are united in our dedication to our individual wills, and in agreement on our partnership, if the life-extension revolution comes through, we will celebrate a hundredth anniversary. (I believe it's gold for 50th, diamonds for 75th, and shuttle tickets for 100th, right?) I could not consider marrying someone who wasn't firmly convinced of their value as a person and their right to be selfish. Given that, if we both felt that partnering was to our "joint and several" advantage, well -- I use my birth name to avoid dropping professional contacts, but I smile every time I think of myself as mrswjr. And that kind of commitment isn't hard at all, once you quit hiding your individuality under a bushel. But I could never trust someone who claims that commitment means giving up "ME" for the sake of "WE". A person I perceive as honest will admit "me" motivations so that both of us can fit them into our goals. (I don't want to accuse any parties to this debate of dishonesty, but if a person won't tell me where their interest lies, how can I possibly provide the help and love they _want_. All I know is what they claim to want. And anyone who claims to be 100% altruistic is, I hope, a liar. After all, honesty can be learned while mental illness is a much harder nut to crack.) STella Calvert (guest on ...!decvax!frog!wjr) Every man and every woman is a star.