@amd.UUCP (10/24/85)
> Recognize and remember a very important point: the acceptable standards > for males are enforced by fear - fear of embarassment, fear of actual > bodily harm. As a child I saw boys brutalized because they dared to be > unmasculine (read: different from the local norm). Even being teased > was traumatizing. > > Let me tell you something else: the fear doesn't easily go away. I > have relaxed a lot over the last couple of years. I wear earrings and > clear nail polish, for example. When I walk by a group of strange men, > however, I am terrified. > > And people have to ask why males are not open (especially with each other) ? > > I don't wonder why there are so many men who run around "proving" their masculinity, > and so many men who are afraid to be feminine. > > I wonder why there are as many secure men as there are. > > Tim Morrissey > ihnp4!druxv!tim Acceptable standards for women are reinforced by fear, too. I've experienced, seen, and have heard of verbal and physical abuse; most the examples I can think of right now were acts perpetrated by adolescents (or younger) or by adults on adolescents (that was mostly verbal abuse). Right now, I can't think of any physical abuse by women on women with the aim of enforcing conformance (I wonder when and why the girls who pinched and punched decided at what age they would no longer do this). But a lot of our adolescence follows us for years. Women aren't necessarily very open with other women. There are exceptions, sometimes in this newsgroup, sometimes in the mailing group, sometimes between close friends. Or at least, I'm not very open, I think. I'm spooked when meeting new women because of a fear of being judged in a competition of femininity, an apprenhension that was drilled into me long ago. The dream is that security will be found in close conformance to the local standards. I suspect that many people are insecure about how close they conform (at least, ad agencies think this is a good string to pull). However, people who do conform are less likely to receive abuse than those who don't or won't. I suppose those of use who don't conform engage in exhorting each other and other likely folk into not conforming, with the hope that a more generous environment will result. I, at least, recognize that the courage is hard to come by. L S Chabot ...decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-amber!chabot