richw@ada-uts.UUCP (10/21/85)
Please E-mail complaints if you feel this should've been in net.singles; I'd enjoy seeing this discussed here. How would you react if your SO suddenly told you, "Hun, I've decided that I don't want to sleep with you again (for several months, until marriage, forever). DON'T take it personally -- I'm doing it for personal reasons." (e.g. religious reasons) --------------------------------------------------------------------- As they say, "now that I've got your attention"... Donna Hachiya writes: >> I have many friends of the opposite sex with whom I have platonic >> relationships with. Usually, when I decide to pursue this kind of >> friendship, I make it clear that it is strictly platonic... >> >> On the other hand, the people I "date" usually are not my friends >> initially. It is assumed, more or less, that a sexual relationship >> will develop if we get along well. I recently entered a relationship with the latter assumption about sex somewhere in my sub-conscious (and conscious). The MOTOS I was seeing, however, later decided to become celibate until marriage (for religious reasons). I then found myself dating someone that I suddenly could no longer sleep with. I was honestly suprised at how differently I felt when I'd see her -- I realized that the end-purpose of the date was (gasp) NOT the sack. My God, I was seeing her because of her company! (If your SO suddenly nixed sex, how would YOU react?) The point is that, until then, I NEVER considered myself to be controlled by my gonads, like all those "other" men out there only interested in sex. But, suddenly being told "no" in a relatively new relationship woke me up. To make a long story short, I'd like to propose the following: Date a person to first become their friend, and then sleep with him- or-her if you get that far. I've also found that sex is a lot better that way. In other words, I personally feel that the "date, get-along, snuggle-bunnies, maybe-be-friends" order of things is sub-optimal. Comments? I'd honestly like to know if other people feel that sex before friendship can lead to anything more than a friendship BASED on sex. It didn't work for me... -- Rich Wagner
ecl@mtgzz.UUCP (e.c.leeper) (10/26/85)
> To make a long story short, I'd like to propose the following: > > Date a person to first become their friend, and then sleep with him- > or-her if you get that far. I've also found that sex is a lot better > that way. In other words, I personally feel that the "date, get-along, > snuggle-bunnies, maybe-be-friends" order of things is sub-optimal. Boy, my age must be showing! I thought this *was* what people did. My husband (mtgzz!leeper of net.movies fame) and I have been friends for 17 years now and married for 13--I can't imagine a relationship that long-term unless the people *were* friends. But then, we know lots of couples of whom we say, "What do they ever find to talk to each other about?!?" Often, it turns out to be the divorce. Evelyn C. Leeper ...ihnp4!mtgzz!ecl ****************************************************************************** * Get a Usenetter on the ballot at Confederation! * * Nominate MARK R. LEEPER for Hugo for Best Fan Writer in 1986! * ******************************************************************************
flaps@utcs.uucp (Alan J Rosenthal) (10/29/85)
In article <20800025@ada-uts.UUCP> richw@ada-uts.UUCP writes: >How would you react if your SO suddenly told you, "Hun, I've decided >that I don't want to sleep with you again (for several months, until >marriage, forever). DON'T take it personally -- I'm doing it for >personal reasons." (e.g. religious reasons) I don't think that the reason I would be upset is that "the end point of a date was no longer the sack". I think that I enjoy sleeping with my SO and that, although we are also friends, we are also lovers. My lover & I were friends first, for a couple of months. Now we are lovers and friends. If my SO wanted to be just friends again, I would be upset, because I treasure our sexual relationship highly.
scott@cdp.UUCP (11/03/85)
> My lover & I were friends first, for a couple of months. Now we are lovers > and friends. If my SO wanted to be just friends again, I would be upset, > because I treasure our sexual relationship highly. As would be expected. The semi-rhetorical question is, how would you react, how would you try to redefine the relationship, if your friend decided s/he wanted to stop being sexual? Scott Weikart Community Data Processing: 415-322-9069 {decwrl,sun,bellcore,megatest,adobe,hplabs,...}!glacier!cdp!scott {ihnp4,decvax,ucbvax,cbosgd,hao,purdue,duke,...}!hplabs!cdp!scott