dwb@hal.UUCP (D. W. Brescan) (01/29/86)
Hi! This is my first posting to the net, although I have been
reading it for about six months.
I find the discussion concerning careers vs. relationship very
interesting, and it prompted some introspection into my own life.
I am currently in school, training for a career. When I graduate,
my spouse, having not had the opportunity for advanced education that
I have had, will quit work to raise our family while I persue my
career and provide for us financially (although I never expect to
be exceedingly wealthy since I refuse to work extra hours at the
expense of time with my family). We have both discussed this at
length and this is what we both want; we have never really
considered any alternative.
HOWEVER, if, for some reason, I had to choose between my
spouse and (hopefully) future family or my career, I would choose
my family. If I had to either quit school or lose my spouse,
I would quit school. I guess that loving, being loved, closeness,
etc. is much more important to me than money, fame, power, etc.
I guess that I also feel more of a commitment to my spouse than
to my chosen career field.
Please note that my situation is somewhat different than the
one described by Anne. I have been married for five years; I'm not
talking about a four-week romance.
I guess this is enough for a first posting, I just wanted to
share my feelings on the subject.
DWB
(I haven't thought up a clever signature line yet)
whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst) (01/31/86)
In article <157@hal.UUCP> dwb@hal.UUCP (D. W. Brescan) writes: > I find the discussion concerning careers vs. relationship very >interesting, and it prompted some introspection into my own life. >I am currently in school, training for a career. When I graduate, >my spouse, having not had the opportunity for advanced education that >I have had, will quit work to raise our family while I persue my >career and provide for us financially (although I never expect to >be exceedingly wealthy since I refuse to work extra hours at the >expense of time with my family). We have both discussed this at >length and this is what we both want; we have never really >considered any alternative. It is great to see people planning a future together. Just don't get too caught up in this being your "plans for life". It is easy to see that, after several years of school, you want to just work and support your family. I can also understand your spouse's desire to quit work and raise a family. Keep talking. Make it easy for one side to say "this isn't what I thought it would be like." Remember to prepare for changes. Thinking about what will happen if the only wage earner is disabled, or dies, is not much fun. Coming up with an alternative plan takes some of the risk out of the job of full time caregiver. -- +-------------------------------------------------------+ | General Disclaimer: The above opinions are my own and | | do not necessarily reflect the opinions | | of McDonnell Douglas Corporation. | +--------------------------;----------------------------+ PKW hplabs!oliveb!tymix!whitehur
thoma@reed.UUCP (Ann Muir Thomas) (02/02/86)
Just a note here...the "four week romance" which I am supposedly involved with is actually (now) a longer term thing, and my SO and I met each other in 1979, and have been friends since then... Ann Muir Thomas
dwb@hal.UUCP (D. W. Brescan) (02/07/86)
Organization: CWRU Medical School, Cleveland In article <5921@tekecs.UUCP> waltt@tekecs.UUCP (Walt Tucker) writes: > > Oh, yeah, one last point. Family. We have both decided we want one. >We have gotten pretty used to two incomes, and I would prefer that Linda >go back to work after the first kid (I do have some mixed feelings, though). >However, I told her if she wants to stay home, fine -- if she wants to >work, fine. I'll support her either way and try and do my part to pitch >in and help (since I have a flexible schedule and she doesn't I can probably >make things somewhat easier). She realizes the economic and career >implications of quitting work (we've talked about it), but we are still a >year or two away from having to face that decision. > It sounds like you and your wife have a great relationship, with a lot of mutual respect. However, you fail to mention another possibility in child-rearing: what if YOU wanted to stay home and be the primary care-taker. After all, you did say that she liked her job better. How would she respond to that option? I realize that this is net.women and that we usually discuss women's options here, but it seems unfair that the man is always expect to provide an income and does not have the choice of being caretaker. DWB ---