licsak@hsi.UUCP (Don Licsak) (07/12/86)
> cheryl writes: > >The lost Bostonian writes: > >>I would think (just about) everyone's marriage was falling to pieces > >>and that the institution was in jeopardy of nonexistence! > > >If I had my way, I would tear this whole building down. > > If only we could all recreate the universe in our own images! :-) I find > the concept of marriage as repulsive as Cheryl does, but that does not > mean I would want to deny it as an option for other people. "Tolerance" > in the key concept here. I think that's what you meant, Cheryl, the > difference between marriage as a private matter, and as a public > institution, no? > > >>If you are married or engaged now, are you happy? > >>Do you think you will be happy 10, 20, n years from now? > >>Were you happy 10, 20, n years ago (while married or engaged to the same > >>person)? > > >Ah, yes, but you spend your whole life learning more about yourself, > >and growing in ways you never predicted. People *never* "Grow up". > >Lots of people stop learning about themselves, or impose restrictions > >on their own growth at a certain time probably for no other reason than > >the fact that it is expected that people "settle down" at some time. > >You will never fully know yourself, or your partner although you might > >find yourself learning more about yourself and your partner as you spend > >many years interacting. > > Indeed. I've been trying to say something like this for quite a while, > but never managed to put it so succinctly. Thanks! > > ~Kathy > (Mail to k@mit-eddie.UUCP > or kay@MIT-XX.ARPA) Let's cut through the garbage. There's no guarantee for happiness tomorrow, never mind 10 or 20 years from now; married or not! If you have to depend on someone else to make you happy, your in trouble. That's not the reason for marriage. If you think marriage will stunt your "personal growth," your in trouble. Your the one responsible for your own growth as a person, whether your married or not. Don't say marriage will hinder your development as a person, that's crap! The most successful marriages are those where the couple has "grown" both individually and together. "Settling down" has never implied giving up your "being" for someone. The term was and has been used to describe leaving the "singles life" and making a commitment to one person. It was never meant to throw your own "self" away! Just because you reached into the basket and picked an apple with a worm in it doesn't mean you should never eat apples again. Don't forget, you were the one who picked the apple! Be more careful next time. -- Don Licsak ihnp4!hsi!licsak Health Systems International New Haven, CT 06511 "I'm the person your mother warned you about"