werner@aecom.UUCP (Craig Werner) (11/08/85)
:-)
[Some people have complained through both postings and letters that I have been
coming down too hard on the health risks of smoking. Well in the interests of
fairness, I'd thought I'd present the following for all you smokers in the
audience.]
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Are you losing confidence in your ability to smoke in the face of
stiffer health warnings? Or worse, do you feel as if it just isn't worth
the effort anymore? Don't be discouraged. Blind faith is the key to success
in any endeavor, but acheiving just the right balance of puffery and
downright denial can be tricky. It is especially difficult when you best
friend -- a smoker of 30 years -- is beginning to experience hemoptysis.
[coughing up blood]
I think I've solved the problem with several hints that will bring
your confidence level back up before you have to undergo chemotherapy.
Just remember that the tobacco companies wouldn't take out all of those
full-page newspaper and magazine ads if they wanted you to stop.
* Associate with smokers. It's downright annoying to have non-smoking
friends ask you to sign "clean air" petitions while you're enjoying coffee
and a cigarette. If you don't make friends easily -- especially with other
somkers -- pal around with names like Lorillard or R.J. Reynolds.
* Use effective advertising. Display a tasteful sign on your office
wall: "Thank you for not breathing." This will compete with the other
side's more popular "Thank you for not Smoking." As clean air fanatics
enter you smoke-filled office, ask if they mind not breathing. When they
say "no," light up.
* Remember the medical approach. Tell how through willpower alone you
stopped smoking for more than three years. WHen you became ill, however,
your physician insisted you start again. Now he believes smoking saved
your life.
* Request a restaurant table in the no-smoking section. After you've
been seated, take out a cigarette and place it between your lips, unlit.
Notice how many non-smokers turn pale. A few may collapse from shock.
This suggests that nonsmokers have a higher incidence of heart disease --
something the tobacco companies have maintained all along.
* A similar tactic is to request an airplane seat in the smoking
section, directly behind several nonsmokers. Aim your battery powered
portable fan, then light up. When you hear the yells, uttered
incoherently in the aisle, turn to a neighbor, who is also puffing away,
and casually mention how irrational nonsmokers are.
* Have faith. Secondhand smoke won't hurt you, especially if you are
the one producing it. On the other other hand, if your spouse or roommate
is a nonsmoker, secondhand smoke may be harmful. In that case, he or she
had better learn to smoke as soon as possible.
Your local tobacco shop offers instant smokestarter clinics. If
most folks aren't hooked within four weeks, there's a money-back guarantee.
* Stick to cigarettes with optimistic names. Next month a major
tobacco company introduces their low-tar brand for terminally ill patients.
"Hospice" cigarettes offer dying patients a chance to continue to puff in
hopeful contemplation the the 45,000 scientific studies linking smoking to
sickness are in error.
Remember that using these hints will be rather like taking your first
puff when you began the habit. The assorted miseries of coughing, nausea,
stained teeth, smelly clothes, and ill health will vary, depending on how
much you smoke. But once you've put these suggestions into practice, don't
be suprised to hear low-pitched moans wherever you go. It is likely to be
your heart or lungs begging for mercy.
George Banks, MD
Tustin, California.
When the World is Your Ashtray
A Piece of My Mind
JAMA, Nov. 8, 1985 254:2596
--
Craig Werner
!philabs!aecom!werner
"Comedy, like Medicine, was never meant to be practiced by the general public."celeste@ssc-bee.UUCP (Celeste A Strahl) (11/12/85)
> :-) > [Some people have complained through both postings and letters that I have been > coming down too hard on the health risks of smoking. Well in the interests of > fairness, I'd thought I'd present the following for all you smokers in the > audience.] I am a true-blue non-smoker and I do NOT like your articles on smoking. I have numerous physical reactions when I am around smoking, so I actively work for a smoke-free work and home environment, but I find some of your smoking articles offensive. If there is a smoker out there that feels these articles help him to quit smoking - continue to write them and I'll 'n' by them. But if it offends some and doesn't help anyone - please quit. Your other articles are usually very helpful and enjoyable to read. -celeste
fohl@cbosgd.UUCP (Mark Fohl) (11/13/85)
In article <421@ssc-bee.UUCP>, celeste@ssc-bee.UUCP (Celeste A Strahl) writes: > > :-) > > [Some people have complained through both postings and letters that I have been > > coming down too hard on the health risks of smoking. Well in the interests of > > fairness, I'd thought I'd present the following for all you smokers in the > > audience.] > > I am a true-blue non-smoker and I do NOT like your articles on smoking. > I find some of your > smoking articles offensive. > > -celeste celeste, are you another STella? Bitching about a smoking article?? Really, now. If you're that hung up about it, I suggest counselling. I'm not a smoker (and yes, I am a reformed smoker), but I grant people their right to at least discuss it. Becoming ill in the presence of tobacco smoke is one thing, but reacting to the mere mention can't be physical. By the way, keep that sort of thing out of jokes and into jokes.d, please. Fohl
bch@mcnc.UUCP (Byron C. Howes) (11/16/85)
In article <2043@aecom.UUCP> werner@aecom.UUCP (Craig Werner) writes: >:-) >[Some people have complained through both postings and letters that I have been >coming down too hard on the health risks of smoking. Mea Culpa! From the tone of Craig's posting, however, I think he misunder- stands the reasons why I come down hard. Frankly, his articles don't bother me a bit. I've made my choice. What is the objective? I thought the objective was to make people stop smoking. I think the evidence shows that depiction of the health hazards of smoking doesn't stop people from smoking. That certainly is corroborated by my personal experience. In a previous posting I mentioned the factors which helped me quit. I was hoping to engage in a serious dialogue with Craig and others about mechanisms which might be more successful in helping others quit. I was obviously mistaken. It is clear that it is not only smokers who have an unenlightened view of their habit. -- Byron C. Howes ...!{decvax,akgua}!mcnc!ecsvax!bch
judith@proper.UUCP (Judith Abrahms) (11/17/85)
In article <> fohl@cbosgd.UUCP (Mark Fohl) writes: >In article <421@ssc-bee.UUCP>, celeste@ssc-bee.UUCP (Celeste A Strahl) writes: >> I am a true-blue non-smoker and I do NOT like your articles on smoking. >> I find some of your >> smoking articles offensive. > >celeste, > > are you another STella? Bitching about a smoking article?? Really, >now. If you're that hung up about it, I suggest counselling. ...i Come on, be fair. STella can write and has a sense of humor. JA {ucbvax,ihnpr4}!dual!proper!judith
phil@amdcad.UUCP (Phil Ngai) (11/19/85)
In article <991@mcnc.mcnc.UUCP> bch@mcnc.UUCP (Byron C. Howes) writes: >What is the objective? I thought the objective was to make people stop >smoking. I think the evidence shows that depiction of the health >hazards of smoking doesn't stop people from smoking. That certainly is >corroborated by my personal experience. Are we so sure that depiction of the health hazards of smoking is redundant? There are a lot of stupid people out there. The success of the various state lotteries proves this. If a doctor, which Craig is training to be, tells his patients about the effects of smoking, isn't that likely to convey the message to at least a few people who might otherwise be ignorant or not believe less authoritative sources like TV? Every time I visit my dentist he tells me to be sure to floss my teeth. I would think he *wasn't* doing his job if he didn't; I certainly don't object to the reminder. -- Raise snails for fun and profit! Race them for amusement! Then eat the losers! Phil Ngai +1 408 749-5720 UUCP: {ucbvax,decwrl,ihnp4,allegra}!amdcad!phil ARPA: amdcad!phil@decwrl.dec.com
kirsch@sjuvax.UUCP (P. Kirsch) (11/20/85)
The Below articles are a test from the Romper School of Aeronautics. Somewhere in them is a joke encrypted. No one has been able to find it or anything funny in the articles but, we all know that it must be there 'cause otherwise it wouldn't still be in net.jokes RIGHT?? Couldn't this discussion get out of here?? In article <991@mcnc.mcnc.UUCP> bch@mcnc.UUCP (Byron C. Howes) writes: >In article <2043@aecom.UUCP> werner@aecom.UUCP (Craig Werner) writes: >>:-) >>[Some people have complained through both postings and letters that I have been >>coming down too hard on the health risks of smoking. > >Mea Culpa! From the tone of Craig's posting, however, I think he misunder- >stands the reasons why I come down hard. > >Frankly, his articles don't bother me a bit. I've made my choice. > >What is the objective? I thought the objective was to make people stop >smoking. I think the evidence shows that depiction of the health >hazards of smoking doesn't stop people from smoking. That certainly is >corroborated by my personal experience. > >In a previous posting I mentioned the factors which helped me quit. I >was hoping to engage in a serious dialogue with Craig and others about >mechanisms which might be more successful in helping others quit. > >I was obviously mistaken. > >It is clear that it is not only smokers who have an unenlightened view >of their habit. >-- > > Byron C. Howes > ...!{decvax,akgua}!mcnc!ecsvax!bch -- Another wunnerful letter from the semi-intelligent rotting brain of: Paul Kirsch St. Joseph's University Philadelphia, Pa { astrovax | allegra | bpa | burdvax } !sjuvax!kirsch Warning: Objects in Terminal Room are Closer than they Appear...