fu@t12tst.UUCP (Sherman Fu) (01/10/86)
I have a interesting prayer while I was on vacation.
_T_h_e _T_o_u_r_i_s_t_s' _P_r_a_y_e_r
Heavenly Father look down on us your humble
obedient tourist severants, who are doomed to travel
this earth taking photographs, mailing postcards,
buying souvenirs and walking around in drip-dry
underwear. Dear Lord, make sure while preparing
for this trip we pack half as much cloth as we think
we need and twice as much money. We beseech
you O Lord to see that our plane is not hi-jacked,
our luggage is not lost and that our overweight
baggage goes un-noticed.
Give us this day divine guidance in our selection of
hotels. We pray that the phone works and that the
operators speak our tongue; that there is no call
waiting from our children which would force us to
cancel the rest of this trip.
Lead us to good inexpensive restuarants where the
wine is included in the price of the meal. Give us
the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not
understand. Make the natives love us for what we
are and not what we can contribute to their worldly
goods.
Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the
cathedrals, the palaces, and if possible we skip an
historic monument to take a nap after lunch, have
mercy on us, for our flesh is weak.
Dear God, protect our wives from "bargain" they
don't need or can't afford. Lead them not into
temptation for they know not what they do.
Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking
at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save
them from making fools of themselves in
nightclubs. Above all, please do not forgive them
their trespasses for they know exactly what they
do.
And when our voyage is over, grant us to favor of
finding someone who will look at our home movies
and listen to our stories, so that our lives as tourists
will not have been in vain.
This we ask you in the name of Conrad Hilton,
Thomas Cook and American Express. Amen.
Art Buchwald