jwp (01/05/83)
There has been discussion recently in net.singles regarding women dating and marrying younger men. It was pointed out that in this society such situations are generally viewed with vague (at best) disapproval. Someone asked why this should be, and someone else said that the societal requirement that men be older than the women they marry was simply something that "had been beaten into your head" (not necessarily a direct quote).
iy47ab (01/06/83)
The really ridiculous thing about the stigma associated with older women/ younger men relationships is that it is simply a physical fact that women reach their sexual peak at a much higher age than men. Such a relationship, in actuality, would be only logical. Also, some people maintain the presence of a "motherly instinct" in women. If, indeed, this is also a physical fact (I'm not altogether sure), that would make one more reason for a secure older woman to seek out a less secure and mature younger man. However perhaps I am not qualified to say, as I have never had such a relation- ship. I'm rather young. But it seems to be based in fact. Does anyone know WHY the taboo got started in the first place?? Lady Arwen of U.C. San Diego
swatt (01/07/83)
Another point to consider in marriages with age differences is that the risk of children with Down's Syndrome (Mongoloidism) increases sharply after the woman is 35. I don't know of any studies linking older fathers with genetic defects. - Alan S. Watt
djo (01/08/83)
I know that many doctors say that the risk of Down's Syndrome increases sharply after the women is 35 but I do not agree. The reasoning behind this is they feel the fault lies in the old eggs in an older woman, while sperm is manufactured new throughout a males life. BUT, it is all conjecture. No one really knows why one chromosome is lost in certain egg sperm unions. And, doctors that are familiar with Down's Syndrome and actually work with these children and their families will admit this. At Villa Esperanza School for the Developmentally Handicapped in Pasadena, California, 85% of the mothers were 19-25 years old, during the time I lived in Pasadena and was involved with the school. For most of them it was their first child. For all of them it was a completely devastating experience. The families all ask WHY did it happen? That is was the fault of old eggs just doesn't make sense in a room full of young women. There is also a hereditary strain of Down's Syndrome but I've never had any contact with it.
clif (01/12/83)
My roommate (22) has been dating a lady for about a year who is 40 or 41. Although, she is very attractive, she looks like a 35-40 year old lady. To make matters worse my roommate looks like he is 18, (he is always carded at bars, supermarkets etc. even when he is with his girlfriend ). She also has a daughter, who is 13. It sounds like a recipe for a horrible relationship. However, their relationship is one of the best I've have ever seen. (It is like something out of a Pop song it almost sickenly sweet.) Many people, including myself, have asked them if the age difference doesn't bother them. My roommate said that her age never really concern him and since they aren't planning on marrying it is really unimportant. She said that at first she was self-concious, but now she doesn't even think about it. Observing them for year has really changed my attitudes towards the age differences. I really believe that the "age taboo" (the woman older then the man) is an anachronistic throwback to an era when the father's duty was to make sure that his daughter(s) married men who could support them. Hopefully, now that women are allowed to assume roles other than being a housewife and mother, the "age taboo" will gradually disappear.
arens (01/12/83)
I was just now reminded of some research a sociologist friend of mine was doing a while ago about social mobility in New England in the early 1800's. He was going over registries of marriages and checking (as far as was possible) the social background of the people involved, using in addition census info from that period (which included names and income). It turned out, to my surprise, that it was very common to find men in their early 20's marrying women in their 40's. My friend explained that in these cases the woman was most often a widow who had inherited property from her previous late husband. This would tend to give support to the theory that the age difference was intended to ensure that the older partner could provide financially for the younger one. Yigal Arens UC Berkeley
bcw (01/15/83)
From: Bruce C. Wright @ Duke University Re: Down's Syndrome I don't think that the submitter meant that the problem was equally likely to affect the children of older women as younger women, but to emphasize that the ultimate cause of the problem is not known (yes, I know that it's caused by an extra chromosome, that's not what I mean!). Conventional wisdom would indicate that the mother's age is the *cause*, which is clearly not the case. Bruce C. Wright @ Duke University