riddle@ut-sally.UUCP (Prentiss Riddle) (05/12/84)
I am in a slightly unusual situation which the readers of net.social
may be able to help me with. My mother is about to get married, and I
have no idea what to give her as a wedding present!
Yes, my parents are divorced, and my middle-aged mother has met and
fallen in love with another man. I haven't yet met the lucky groom.
Naturally I want to get them both something special. Somehow the usual
things that I get my mother for Christmas and birthdays won't cut it;
neither will linens, dinnerware, or other traditional wedding gifts.
I don't expect the folks out in netland to be able to magically read
my mother's mind and conjure up the perfect gift, but perhaps a little
brainstorming will help me think of something. Please hurry -- the
wedding is in a week!
--- Prentiss Riddle ("Aprendiz de todo, maestro de nada.")
--- {ihnp4,seismo,gatech,ctvax}!ut-sally!riddlebethan@ariel.UUCP (05/19/84)
We (my husband & I) had the same problem when a close friend married; they were
both divorced and had everything they NEEDED. After hearing how much they
admired our wedding goblets, special orders from a museum catalog, we settled
on waht turned out to be the perfect gift. We searched until we found a goblet
that somehow signified "them" to us and themselves and gave them a set of two,
along with a bottle of imported champagne. They were overwhelmed with the
gift which they had no physical need for, but had a mental need that they
fulfilled.
Hope this helps!
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The one & only me,
Bethanriddle@ut-sally.UUCP (05/21/84)
Well, the response to my plea for wedding gift suggestions for my
mother was enthusiastic. In the hopes that some of you may benefit
from it, too, here is what people had to say:
=======
For special people I've put together more-or-less joke "kits"-- for
example, I gave my brother and sister-in-law a "Herman Kit" (Herman is
a refrigerated sourdough starter, you feed it once a week or so, it is
fairly wide-spread in the Midwest). I put in a really nice bowl for
mixing the batter, a flat pan for baking, various mixing utensils, some
starter, some recipes, and a brochure describing the history of Herman
(including the man-eating ones), famous Herman breeders (The ones in CA
who lost their entire stock when the neighbors decided Herman was an
invading alien), other Herman kits you can get, and general
instructions on the care and feeding of Hermans.... Obviously the
descriptive brochure is the key part of such kits, because such
brochures do take a LOT of personal effort. (My office mate and I have
come up with "instant hunk kits" for single female friends and "tool
kits" for our boss.)
===
How about a tree? That's about as symbolic as you can get, and very
pleasant to have around the house. Say a miniature orange or fig, for
instance. If your mother hates plants, ignore this note.
===
It may be too late, but I would suggest that personal experiences would
count for a lot more than any "thing".
Something like a scrapbook of letters from friends offering
congratulations, and more importantly, sharing previous experiences
might be a permanently treasured possession.
===
Oooh! An open question! Goody!
You could pin-point some special shared interest that they have and
give them something that will be used in/with/for that special interest
(eg. a trip to Calif wine country and taste tours, a good quality
table saw for that special wood-working shop, a waterbed :-), a set of
Picasso originals, etc).
You could take them out to dinner.
A new car to replace the old clunker (or at least, the down for the
car!).
A new set of furniture for their bedroom.
A great way of consolidating their households (what a mess).
Offer to baby-sit the house while they go on their honeymoon (or pay
for the house sitter).
Bring the whole family up to visit them for a week.
Flowers.
Truly, something special would be nice, but it is really the sentiment
that counts. I'll bet that one of the nicest things you could give
your Mom would be to make a special effort to meet the fellow and
really like him. (though, you probably will like him anyways) There
is always anxiety associated with new members being introduced into the
family.
===
I hope this isn't too late to help, but a couple of ideas I have are:
1) dinner at the fanciest restaurant in town. (It won't last
forever, but it would be nice.)
2) a picnic basket filled with wine and nice food. Offer to
refill it every so often.
3) a portrait of the two of them which you will then have framed.
===
Give them a cruise.
===
My middle aged mother got married a couple of years ago (she's as
happily in love as any self-respecting fourteen year old). She was
(and is) so happy about it all that it really was the thought rather
than the gift but I gave her some artwork that I thought she would like
and would look good in their home. They were both thrilled.
===
Well here are a few cheaper items that I have used for my parents'
anniversaries, and seeing how this is their zeroth anniversary....
A cut crystal wine decanter.
Cut crystal wine glasses.
A painting. (hard, unless you know their taste)
A porcelain sculpture.
They obviously DON'T need any kitchen equipment, but another item that
springs to mind is a gourmet cart. This is 'sexless', so it doesn't
imply that one 'belongs in the kitchen'.
===
I couldn't see when it was that you posted this request, so it is
probably too late by now (if it is, I hope the wedding went fine and
you liked the groom.. that's probably what would make your mother
happiest), but if it isn't then you might consider asking her what she
wants. You never know, she might not get insulted at the idea.
===
I empathize with your dilemma. My mother died last year, and although
my father doesn't have any special (and I don't know whether he's
dating or not), I'm certain that one of these days..... So, one thing
I can suggest is a beautiful (silver if you can afford it) picture
frame for their wedding picture. If they get it as a present they
won't be tempted to buy one from the photographer. You might also
choose a special set of champagne goblets or something.
=======
Many thanks for all the fine suggestions and good wishes. I went up
last Wednesday to spend some time with my mom and to meet the
groom-to-be, who I liked very much. (I also helped him move into my
mom's house, which I suppose was a bit of a wedding gift, too, in its
way.) The wedding was on Saturday and was very beautiful, and slightly
non-traditional: they were married by two ministers, the one from my
mother's Unitarian church (who happens to be a woman) and the minister
from the groom's church. I really liked the touch of having a man and
a woman share the task of presiding at the wedding!
And now, I'm sure you're all dying to know what I wound up giving
them. Drum roll, please; the winner is... the tree!
Actually, a real tree would have been a bit difficult to take up on the
bus, but I hunted around and found a nice ornamental pepper that had
grown with a bit of a bonsai effect. I repotted it and put it in a
pretty basket, added a few interesting rocks, and presto! an
inexpensive and meaningful wedding gift. They both love plants, and I
liked the idea of giving them a living, growing thing. So everybody was
pleased.
Thanks again!
--- Prentiss Riddle ("Aprendiz de todo, maestro de nada.")
--- {ihnp4,seismo,gatech,ctvax}!ut-sally!riddle