eagan@phoenix.UUCP (Marianne D. [Sarno] Eagan) (07/17/84)
I have a question that I would like opinions on. What if you were supposed to be in a freidn's wedding party and you ended up wearing a cast wich would have to be on during the wedding, and you already put a deposit down on the outfit you were to wear ...would you expect your freind to drop you from the party because you were going to "ruin the photographs" of this "once in a lifetime" affair? If dropped, would you expect a refund on your deposit from the friend? Would you still go to the wedding as a guest? (what if they had been in YOUR wedding party prior to this incident?). Now, for alittle switch in the question. What if the party was wearing a certain style shoe and you informed your friend that you couldnt wear that style (about 5 months notice), and said you would have to drop out if you had to wear that style. If your friend said NOTHING about your warning, then 5 weeks before the wedding said you HAD to get a similar style (and you looked but couldnt find any that style to fit your Hard-to-Fit feet) would you expect your friend to drop you from the party? (assuming you could get a shoe in the same COLOR, and a nice one at that?).
ariels@mako.UUCP (Ariel Shattan) (07/18/84)
>I have a question that I would like opinions on. >What if you were supposed to be in a freidn's wedding party and you ended >up wearing a cast wich would have to be on during the wedding, and you already >put a deposit down on the outfit you were to wear ...would you >expect your freind to drop you from the party because you were going >to "ruin the photographs" of this "once in a lifetime" affair? If she did dropp me, I'd seriously alter my opinion of her and of the friendship. Such an act shows more concern with externals and trappings than with feelings and friendship. I could understand why she'd do such a thing, but the friendship would never be as close as it was/might have been. >If dropped, would you expect a refund on your deposit from the friend? I would hope that she'd refund the deposit, after all, you were going out of your way to spend money for an "honor" she is suddenly denying you. If she is not willing to give you at least SOME of the deposit (money is always tight around wedding time), then the opinion of the friendship would have to be even further revised. >Would you still go to the wedding as a guest? (what if they had been in >YOUR wedding party prior to this incident?). I'd go to the wedding if a bunch of my other friends were there, and I knew that I'd have a good time with them. It is, after all, a free party, and at least you should get THAT from your deposit. You don't have to give a gift, you know (if she gets mad at you because of this, after all she's done to you, tough noogies). >Now, for alittle switch in the question. >What if the party was wearing a certain style shoe and you informed your >friend that you couldnt wear that style (about 5 months notice), >and said you would have to drop out if you had to wear that style. If your >friend said NOTHING about your warning, then 5 weeks before the wedding said >you HAD to get a similar style (and you looked but couldnt find any that >style to fit your Hard-to-Fit feet) would you expect your friend to >drop you from the party? (assuming you could get a shoe >in the same COLOR, and a nice one at that?). Call that a friend?! If it were me, I'd chalk the deposit up to "learning experience," and leave the girl (nobody who acts like this is mature enough to be called "woman," even if she's 50 years old!) to stew in her own juice. Sounds to me like she's getting so caught up in details that she's losing friends. Let's hope for her sake that she realizes what she's done (even if it's after the wedding), and starts to work on rebuilding the relationships she's damaged. Can you imagine what this kind of inflexibility is doing to her family? her groom? her in-laws??? Ariel (common sense is an oxymoron) Shattan ..!tektronix!mako!ariels
jamcmullan@wateng.UUCP (Judy McMullan) (07/19/84)
Both questions are the same -- "Is it reasonable for the bride to drop
someone at the last minute because they would ruin the photographs?" I, myself,
think it is NOT reasonable but I have found that other people think it is!
I would certainly be more than miffed if I had paid for an outfit.
Given that the bride is insistent on having the bridesmaids match in all
ways, I think the whole argument could be much more amicably settled if
she offered to pay the deposit that the bridesmaid had put down on the outfit.
Weddings bring out all sorts of weirdnesses in people. I had a recent
discussion with a bridesmaid who was not only concerned about the shoes looking
the same in the photographs, but she was concerned that the photos would
"look funny" because all the bridemaids were not the same height.
I like Anita's remark that you should consider a bride harmlessly mentally
deranged at wedding time.
--from the sssstickkky keyboard of JAM
...!{ihnp4|clyde|decvax}!watmath!wateng!jamcmullandemillo@uwmacc.UUCP (07/21/84)
Gosh, you have nice friends!
saquigley@watmath.UUCP (Sophie Quigley) (07/22/84)
There is something about weddings that seem to make people go completely
crazy. A good friend of mine is getting married in September and has gone
completely bananas since they decided to do so. She is so defensive about
it being HER wedding that she has been getting very upset because her fiance's
half sister DARED assuming that her son and common-law husband of a few years
were invited to the wedding even though she hadn't specified that they were
on her invitation. She does not want to invite them because she says the
wedding is getting to be "too big", and no amount of reasonning from anybody's
part is going to make her change her mind (she doesn't see any inconsistency
with the fact that she invited her own brother's common-law wife - "that's
different, we invited her, and besides, I know her").
Fortunately enough, Caroline, the groom's sister is "acting as if it is
completely normal for her to invite extra people" and, very unaware of all
this fuss, is bringing her son and common-law husband along to the wedding.
I am personnally getting very tired of dealing with my friend and I am trying
to avoid her as much as possible until after the wedding.
Sophie Quigley
...!{clyde,ihnp4,decvax}!watmath!saquigleyjad@lanl-a.UUCP (07/24/84)
Who cares? Freepishly, Zoz
jwp@sdchema.UUCP (John Pierce) (07/25/84)
I've been watching this discussion for a while now, and I must say that I'm amazed... Do you people *really* know people like the ones they've been describing who are getting married? You really *like* these people? These are real people who have actually found somebody as screwed up as they are to marry them? These people didn't really escape from "Odds Bodkins"? John Pierce, Chemistry, UCSD sdcsvax!sdchema!jwp
gds@homxa.UUCP (Greg Skinner) (08/15/84)
<May I have the ring, please?> I was in my first wedding party just this weekend, and I can safely say that I would have been really hurt if my friend and his (now) wife had eliminated me from the wedding party because I had to wear a cast or couldn't get a certain kind of shoe. Fortunately, my friend and his (now) wife are really good people and so are their families. There were some last-minute cancellations so we were stuck with 4 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen but rather than eliminate two of the groomsmen (because it just wouldn't look right) we modified the ceremony to make them enter and leave the church together. If I ever get married, I'm going to try to keep the wedding as informal as possible to allow for these sometimes unforeseen situations.
marcus@pyuxt.UUCP (M. G. Hand) (08/19/84)
Well, what did you do in the end?