spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford) (10/20/84)
About a month ago, I asked here for suggestions for interesting things
to do to the groom prior to the wedding. I got many responses which I
have summarized below (my comments are in []).
The wedding was as weddings should be -- lovely. The bride was
beautiful, the groom composed, and lots of friends in attendance. I
even behaved myself a bit.
I had to be somewhat restrained due to the groom's condition at the
time (recovering from major surgery) and due to the fact that if I ever
should decide to get hitched, he'll be *my* best man. (After all the
suggestions that poured in, and the behavior of some of our other
friends, though, I think I'll probably elope!)
Anyhow, what happened was, we arranged with the local variety telegram
service to do a little something at the rehearsal dinner the night
before the wedding. They had never done such a thing before, but they
came through just fine. Just as we had finished dinner, this woman in
a wedding dress came into the room and indignantly enquired of the
groom-to-be: "How can you think of marrying her after what you promised
me? Don't you remember those marvelous nights together?"
And so on.
The abuse continued for about 20 minutes, with a number of rather
amusing things which had to be seen to be believed.
We were a bit worried that the act might be just a little too risque
for the parents present, but our fears were laid to rest when the lady
from the telegram service went over and closed the door, turned to the
audience, and asked "Well, he seems intent on marrying that woman over
there. Don't you think its fair that I show him what he's missing?"
The groom looked worried, the bride looked horrified, their mothers
were laughing, and their fathers were the ones yelling "Yes!" the
loudest. She only got as far as a red satin corset and fishnet
stockings, but it was more than sufficient to top off the whole
performance.
We decorated their car the next day, of course, and one or two other
minor things, and everything turned out fine.
Now, for some of your suggestions:
Hmmm... As an ex emt, maybe you could do what Hawkeye did to Penobscot--
Have him wake up in a body cast. Actually an arm or a leg could be just as
inconvenient... I'd suggest other pieces of anatomy but I've never heard of
casts there!
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I don't know of any Bachelor party stunts, but for the wedding...
The *best* prank I ever heard of was the following:
A note was placed on the gas cap of the getaway car saying
"Congratulate this couple, they've just been married."
For many weeks, all of the gas station attendants who served them would either
congratulate them, or just come back with a sly grin on their faces.
If your friend doesn't normally pump his own gas, this might be a good one.
---------
I once heard of someone putting an old (dead) fish on the exhaust
manifold of the honeymoon car....
Dunno HOW LONG the smell would last, tho'!
[I've done it before. With the right fish, the smell outlasts the
car -- not something I wanted to do to them.]
---------
My brother in law once pulled a not-too-nice stunt on a friend. They got
him royally drunk, took him to a motel, left him with NO CLOTHES, and only
enough money to call someone for help. Of course they informed the bride's
family so that, if necessary, they could inform the family of the groom.
Not at all nice, but very embarrasing....(No phone in the motel room, btw)
PS - motel was just outside of Buffalo, and the groom had no idea where
he was.
[Hmmm, the motel room idea isn't so bad, but Buffalo? I said I
*liked* the guy!]
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My sincere best wishes for the bride and groom. The best bachelor party
prank I've heard about lately might not be appropriate for this case, but
here 'tis:
The man's buddies hired three first-class belly erotic-dancers/hookers to
give him a first-class horny-making belly dance that ended up in the three of
them seducing and ravishing him in various combinations.
> ..............................................the bride is ...!gatech!amyl
There must be a pun in here somewhere about starting amyl's nite-rite,
but for the life of me I can't find it.
[I'm glad you couldn't find a pun in there. And say, if I ever decide
to get married, would you notify your friends? :-)]
---------
Depending on where the car is parked...
jack each end of the car up, and put jack stands under it, adjusted so
that when the car is lowered, the tires *look* like they're on the
ground. And put sand (or similar non-traction stuff) under the tires
so...
He starts the car, tries to drive off, and spins his wheels.
He looks under the wheels, clears the <whatever> and tries again.
Still no luck... <hee hee hee>
Equally nasty is: don't hand out all the rice. Turn the sun visors up,
and put some rice up there...
[I like the jackstands idea, but it wouldn't have worked in our
situation due to placement of the car on a busy street.
We did put the rice up in the sunvisors, though. The groom got it
first. Then, after a short while, the bride forgot and did it
to herself, too.]
---------
One of the funniest things I've ever seen happen occurred after
the guest of honor made the mistake of passing out in our custody,
so to speak. One the guys procured a bottle of red food coloring
and proceeded to annoint the groom's genitals with it. The best
part was that his bride thought that he had done it especially for
her!
[Ahem. I trust it wasn't Red Dye #2? That shouldn't be taken orally...]
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Here is something that was pulled on a good friend (and previous roommate
at the University of Oklahoma) of mine:
The best man bought a number of condoms and passed them around to the groom's
closest friends before the wedding. Immediately after the ceremony, each
person cupped it in his right hand right before he shook the groom's hand
(while passing through the reception line) so that it would end up in the
groom's hand during the handshake. No one else (even the bride, who was
standing right next to the groom) could tell what was going on. (actually,
I think the bride found out after a few times because the groom kept sticking
his hand in his pocket and was also turning red).
This was pretty funny (at least to me - but then again I may be warped :-) ),
and no one got mad, hurt, etc... (maybe a bit embarrassed)
Also, the best man saved a couple of the condoms and stuck them on top of the
visors of the car so that when the bride pulled down the visor to `check her
hair`, boom! (you might, however, put some extra consideration into this
idea...).
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If you've got enough people and a few bucks, any space of significant size
can be filled with balloons. Innocent kid stuff, you say? How do you get
rid of 200 balloons? Answer: You break them, and after a while the
neighbors come over to see who's getting shot at repeatedly. (This assumes
access to apartment/house of bride and groom.)
Will the groom be kneeling for the ceremony? If so, you can paint a
message on the soles of his shoes.
[I like the balloons idea, but we didn't get the opportunity. Maybe
for their 1st anniversary...?]
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One of the pranks that I know of that isn't really harmful
but still amusing is the "bathtub jello" one. I've heard about
couples returning from their honeymoon to find nothing out of
the ordinary - until they go to take a shower/bath, when they
find that their bathtub is full of jello. It's easy to do -
although I think it's better to make in layers if you have the
time (you can assure that it's set that way). Just run hot water,
dump in lots of jello and *lots* of ice cubes, then stir. It's
somewhat of a mess to get rid of, though (you have to melt it a
little bit at a time or scoop most of it).
[Why scoop it out? Just give them a 55 gallon drum of Cool Whip
and some spoons! Better yet, a book on do-it-yourself jello
wrestling!]
---------
Would you consider something that will make them laugh, but not in public?
If you know where they are staying, you could plant something silly/funny
in the bedroom for them to find when they are going to be by themselves.
(Something they find planted in the bed/bathroom/etc.)
Squeaky toys between the matress and the box spring (or platform, or waterbed)
is one possibility. A cassttee player timed to play something really sappy
hidden in the room. Funny soap/toothpaste/whatever. Don't know if this is
a help, but those are the kinds of things I would do. (Don't like being
even slightly embarassed in public, so I don't do it to others if I can help
it.)
[I loaned the groom my red satin sheets. He said the bride was
pretty amused. He also made some comment about repeatedly slipping
out of bed.]
----------
How about finding a local airport and chartering an airplane and
pilot to take him sightseeing? I expect you can do this at most
small airports for less than $75 per hour.
---------
Some standard mild things we do to people at work is to strap
a "ball and chain" on the guy's leg for a day (made from an old bowling ball
and metal chain). Sure, this is pretty out-dated, etc. but it's still
amusing if you go out in public like that.
Gifts of various rubber items (powered and not) are often amusing
(and possibly inspiring?). Of course, all these things need to be done
only after considering the sensibilities of the recipients.
(You realize that you're limiting things severely by saying that you like the
person!)
[Judging from some of the responses, I'd say so!]
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If the groom to be is a drinker or some such, just get him wasted,
remove all ID, cash, credit cards, and put him on a bus (or plane!)
with a one-way ticket to, say LA, or Seattle or Macon or ...
[*sigh* Dave has largely cleaned up his act since meeting Amy. Besides,
how would we get him back?]
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One of my friends (actually two of them) is also getting married soon, and
I wouldn't mind hearing some of the ideas you've come up with. One thing that
you may wish to try is to throw a wild party and get him utterly smashed and
into some compromising situations. Does his condition allow that? Meanwhile,
if you have a VCR, rent a camera and take some candid footage of the event. Of
course, the tape goes in with the wedding gift.
[Who gets custody of the tape after the divorce?]
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I realize this will reach you too late, but for future reference, I've always
been fond of popcorn on the engine block of their car. When the car warms
up, a variety of interesting noises occur...
[I'll file it away for future reference.]
--
Off the Wall of Gene Spafford
The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
CSNet: Spaf @ GATech ARPA: Spaf%GATech.CSNet @ CSNet-Relay.ARPA
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