abc@brl-tgr.ARPA (Brint Cooper ) (12/08/84)
I don't think this made it out the first time around. References: <614@pucc-k> <1514@pucc-h> <536@voder.UUCP> I've just plowed thru several dozen pieces of mail on this subject. Would anyone like a parent's view? (Unless you've hit "n" you're going to get it anyway!) As parents, when confronted with our daughter's plan to live with her SO (she was 20, he, 24) the following facts were true: 1. Our daughter and her SO already were sexually active. Many parents already realize this. 2. Her SO was (and is) the finest fellow she has ever known. This is OUR opinion, and I believe it to be hers as well. 3. I had no problem with the arrangement. My wifedid but is wise enough to realize that they would go thru with this plan with our without our "approval." That the SO is a caring, sensitive, intelligent young man helped my wife get over her initial difficulty with the situation. And maybe that's why I accepted it so readily. Our daughter brought home a vast assortment of boys when in high school. Her tastes improved dramatically in college. We'd prefer that she NOT marry until life is a little more stable for her than it is during a 19 credit-hour senior year in college. Sleeping at our home? We've respected her lifestyle, and she respects ours. They don't. I can't help but think that the issues discussed on this net aren't the real ones. It may not be "sex, vrginity, and children" at all. Maybe your parents just don't care for your SO. Should they? Brint
spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford) (12/12/84)
>I can't help but think that the issues discussed on this net aren't the >real ones. It may not be "sex, vrginity, and children" at all. Maybe >your parents just don't care for your SO. Should they? > >Brint It isn't necessary, but it sure is to be wished for. My parents are my friends in a way that very few people ever will be. They have forgiven me incredible blunders and hurts, they have comforted me in times of trouble and sorrow, they have constantly cheered me on and encouraged me, and they have sometimes sacrificed things they themselves wanted because it wasn't the best for us, as a family. My parents are human (and I'm Vegan -- figure that one out) -- they aren't always right, and they aren't always good-natured about things. Still, they've lived a lot and developed some real wisdom, and I really care about their opinion. I'm taking Kathy home this Christmas to meet my folks -- because I want them to meet this nifty lady who means so much to me, and I want her to meet two terrific people I've known all my life. If they don't like her, I'll be surprised. It would also give me some pause for thought. It probably wouldn't change our plans overmuch (I'm meeting her family too, and we may start the New Year with some interesting resolutions -- film at 11), but it might cause me to pause a while to see if I could understand their reasoning. My parents have been right about a lot of things more often than they have been wrong -- I'd be a fool to ignore their opinions. They expressed some reservations about the last one I brought home to meet them, and they turned out to be right. My parents and I understand that I'm an adult, free to make my own choices (and mistakes). I won't be asking for their approval, and neither will they offer it (as such), for that would imply a control we know they don't have. I am asking them to accept somebody else as "family," and give them an opportunity to perhaps glimpse the beauty in that someone for themselves. They're perceptive -- I think they'll see. And if not, well, I still see what I see. You can't always choose your relatives, so it sure makes things easier if you like 'em. And respect them. And vice-versa. ...at least, that's how I answer your question. -- Gene "8 months and counting" Spafford The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332 CSNet: Spaf @ GATech ARPA: Spaf%GATech.CSNet @ CSNet-Relay.ARPA uucp: ...!{akgua,allegra,hplabs,ihnp4,linus,seismo,ulysses}!gatech!spaf