rick@ucla-cs.UUCP (12/18/84)
<==== yum yum ====>
The following occurred at a company Christmas party. I wandered into the
kitchen area to refresh my Coca Cola, and noticed a couple of women talking
to one side. As I was leaving they called me over, and one of them proceeded
to reach behind my neck and begin to pull me towards her. I assume I must
have looked awfully puzzled because she stopped, turned to the other woman
and said, "He's shy, and I must have embarrassed him." Not being one to look
a gift horse in the mouth (:-)) I asked what the *&^%& was that all about.
The first woman explained that she wanted to prove a point to the other
woman that it is really okay to give a friend a kiss even when you are with
someone else at the party. Well, I didn't want to prevent the advance of the
social sciences and consented to the experiment. Of course I neglected to tell
her that I didn't know her name (*some* friends). Anyway, what I got was not
exactly what I would call a "friendly" kiss. I then sort of stumbled off,
muttering something to the effect that if she needed to prove any more
points to just call. I chalked my good luck up to being in the right spot at
the right time, and to a somewhat drunk woman.
The point of this story is to ask the question: what do you people consider
"appropriate" behaviour among friends (much less mere acquaintances). A mere
"hi there"? An occasional hug? A little smooch on the cheek? Some heavy
duty kissing in the back room? Or do you try to just adapt to what others
around you do (that's me).
--
Rick Gillespie
rick@ucla-cs
...!{cepu|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|ucbvax}!ucla-cs!rick
"I'd like to buy a license for my pet fish, Eric"rcb@rti-sel.UUCP (Randy Buckland) (12/20/84)
As to the subject of friendly kissing, I belong to a medieval recreationist group that has revived a medieval tradition (among others) known as the "cloven fruit". A cloven fruit is any form of fruit (usually apples) that has had whole cloves inserted into it. The fruit is then passed from one person to another person of the opposite sex. The fruit may be declined, in which case, the first person will try someone else. If the fruit is accepted, a kiss is then exchanged. This can be anything from kissing the hand, to a peck on the cheek, to 10 minute marathon session. The second person then has the fruit and is to pass it to yet another person. It must be noted that for this to work in a friendly fashion, the degree of the kiss is limited by the least willing partner and the other person should not get offended if that person does not get the kind of response desired. This has worked very well at the parties that I go to and is always well received. It is entirely possible for everything up to the 10 minute marathon sessions to be done in a totally friendly way with no implicit promises of more. I have often given (or been given) fruit from some close female friends that are dating/engaged to other males and had what would be considered very passionate sessions with them. Their boyfriends would observe this and not mind because we all know that it is all in spirit of good friendly fun. In closing, I would suggest that if a party you are at is getting dull and the people there are close friends, try giving them a history lesson on Medieval party games. They might like it. Randy Buckland Research Triangle Institute ...!mcnc!rti-sel!rcb
ecl@ahuta.UUCP (e.leeper) (12/20/84)
REFERENCES: <2840@ucla-cs.ARPA>
Friendly kissing should not extend to people that you know from work and
only from work. (The only hard and fast rule in this posting.)
I was raised in a very "physical" family--a lot of kissing and hugging of
relatives and such. Lots of people weren't. This makes life difficult.
An occasional hug should be okay, particularly if you hug people of both sexes.
(That way it's clear that it's a friendship thing and not a sexual
thing--probably.) A smooch on the cheek--here you get into the gray area.
Best advice I have is to do what feels right (not necessarily good!) at the
time and be ready to explain yourself if the person looks at you like you've
just molested them. Heavy duty kissing in the back room is above and beyond
the call of friendship. One kiss at a time should show someone how you feel.
(Twenty will also, but it's not friendship you're showing then!)
Adapting to what others do is fine if you're reasonably comfortable with it.
If everyone is kissing and you don't want to, don't feel you have to join in.
If you tell your friends verbally how much you care for them, it shouldn't be
necessary to get all sorts of physical to prove it. If you are more physical
than they are, go easy. If you really care about them, you'll be considerate
of their feelings.
(I've talked with several of my friends before this about physical signs of
affection. Most express no serious objection, but they're not running out to
kiss each other either. Talking about it makes whatever happens less of a
crisis.)
Evelyn C. Leeper
...{ihnp4, houxm, hocsj}!ahuta!ecl