fritzz@sdcc3.UUCP (12/19/84)
> Well, what if someone whom you used to think was an absolute jerk became >your SO? Did you change or did the other person change? What do you tell >your friends, or should you drop them all and make a new set of friends? This isn't what I meant... A lot of times people don't break up because the other person is a jerk (I know, a lot of times they do, but I'm picking a specific case). Nevertheless, they end up treating each other like they never existed. I have gotten a bit of mail in response to my earlier article, and it seems the primary explanation is pain: most people are hurt so much by the presence of their earlier SO that they can't stand being around them. It also seems that a lot of people managed to get over their pain and reestablish the friendship. (Most of these people felt they were the exception, though.) I guess I already knew the answer to the question, it was actually rather rhetorical on my part. I just find it very sad that so much caring can go down the tubes so quickly. > >Frieder, you are a saint, and I am merely a sinner. You are also an idealist. Hee hee. Idealist, yes. Everything else is hogwash. If I was a saint, I wouldn't be working here =). Seriously, everybody's sarcasm aside, I screw up just as well as anybody else I know, sometimes intentionally. It's just that I always want people to be happy, and it hurts me when they aren't. >Look around at what's happening in the world today! A lot of people just >get together so they won't be alone, or so that they will have a warm body to >show off to everyone else, or for someone to help them on their homework, or >so that they can relieve their physical urges, etc. Not everyone CARES about >the "relationship" part of a relationship. Sad, but true. And it's these >type of people who don't continue friendships once the romance is over. These >are the people who go "Oh, I love you, I really care for you, ad nauseum", >and then just look right through you as they walk by when it's all over. >Real friends will still care even after the passion has turned to cold ashes. >The love just isn't as concentrated, but it's still there. You know that. Bullseye. >For myself, I would take a known friend over someone who would "look good by my >side" if I were considering a relationship of that sort. (Of course, flings >are another story entirely, right? But I tend to not form an immediate >attraction to anybody while I'm at the buffet line during Happy Hour at Carlos >Murphy's.) However, I am not, so this has just been a lot of hot air anyway. Oh yeah? I've seen you at work at Carlos Murphy's =) Back to seriousness, if everybody preferred a good friendship over someone that would improve their public image, I think this world would be a much nicer place to live. Now that I've provided enough hot air of my own I think I'll just get in the balloon and float away...... -- ihnp4--\ fritzz the Zebra decvax--\ akgua----\ "What else do you do for fun?" dcdwest---\ "I go to funerals." kgbvax-----\ ucbvax-------- sdcsvax -- sdcc3 -- fritzz
paloma@sdcc12.UUCP (12/20/84)
> > Well, what if someone whom you used to think was an absolute jerk became > >your SO? Did you change or did the other person change? What do you tell > >your friends, or should you drop them all and make a new set of friends? > > This isn't what I meant... A lot of times people don't break up because > the other person is a jerk. I was just playing devil's advocate here... But the question begs an answer. Haven't you gone out with someone you didn't think you liked all THAT much, and became seriously interested in this person afterwards? It's partly a matter of getting the larger perspective of the other person, sure, but moving emotionally away from one's other friends and spending all one's time with this new person (who was initially considered a "jerk") shows a lack of confidence in oneself and in one's ability to choose companions. This happens to be a pretty negative view. (SOship as SOSHip, or "Being rude to others because you're in love/lust/whatever".) In the ideal world, we'd all be friends before/during/after SOship. Sounds like your kind of place, Frieder. Let me know when you find it. > >I tend to not form an immediate attraction to anybody while I'm at the > >buffet line during Happy Hour at Carlos Murphy's. > > Oh yeah? I've seen you at work at Carlos Murphy's =) You've got to learn to differentiate between WORK and PLAY. And you've never seen me at Diego's... Cindy