gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner) (12/19/84)
> From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuqui[The Time Traveller]) > Two years ago was the crisis in faith, last year was the crisis in > conscience. Last christmas I became unmarried. Becoming unmarried involves > many things, not the least of which is taking all of the vows you made > before your God and saying 'Remember all those things I said? Never > mind...' In other words, you lied. 'Until death do you part...' well, I'm > alive, and she's alive, and we are parted. You make a promise to yourself, > to her, and to God, and then you break your promise. You have to reconcile > yourself to these failed vows, and learn to move forward. The hardest part > is not the act of divorce, the splitup, or the ending, it is the realization > that you can lie with the best of intentions, you can lie without even > knowing it. Worse is knowing that, because you are human, you will lie > again, because you are human. You aren't perfect, you will break vows, and > there isn't a lot you can do about it. That knowledge hurts. This raises something which I have been thinking about over the last few months -- marriage and divorce. (No, I'm not getting married, or divorced :-) This concerns how one should feel after getting a divorce. The vows say, "for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse, till death do you part". Not till divorce do you part. Chuq raises an important point when he says that he felt he was being dishonest with God because he did not live up to the vows he spoke when he was married. My gut reaction is that no, he didn't lie, because to lie is to speak an un- truth, and there was no statement of truth in the those vows I quoted above, just promises. But, how is one supposed to feel after one has broken the prom- ises of the marriage vows. It doesn't really matter if you are or aren't a Christian -- what matters is how you reconcile the breaking of your vows with yourself and your former spouse. I guess I'm rambling a bit, but I'd like to get feedback from anybody who feels like commenting on how to cope with divorce, whether or not people should get divorced, and how to save your marriage even if it looks like it can't be saved. ... Chuq relates his experiences with the net and how they have helped him ... I am glad to hear that you feel so good about the net and all the people who comprise it. I have made some friends myself on the net so I can relate to what he is saying. Thanks for your article Chuq, and keep up the good work -- some of us out there (me for one) appreciate all you've done. -- Baby tie your hair back in a long white bow ... Meet me in the field, behind the dynamo ... Greg Skinner (gregbo) {allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo
jfp@gatech.UUCP (John Passafiume) (12/22/84)
> > From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuqui[The Time Traveller]) > > > Two years ago was the crisis in faith, last year was the crisis in > > conscience. Last christmas I became unmarried. Becoming unmarried involves > > many things, not the least of which is taking all of the vows you made > > before your God and saying 'Remember all those things I said? Never > > mind...' In other words, you lied. 'Until death do you part...' well, I'm > > alive, and she's alive, and we are parted. You make a promise to yourself, > > to her, and to God, and then you break your promise. You have to reconcile > > yourself to these failed vows, and learn to move forward. The hardest part > > is not the act of divorce, the splitup, or the ending, it is the realization > > that you can lie with the best of intentions, you can lie without even > > knowing it. Worse is knowing that, because you are human, you will lie > > again, because you are human. You aren't perfect, you will break vows, and > > there isn't a lot you can do about it. That knowledge hurts. > > This raises something which I have been thinking about over the last few > months -- marriage and divorce. (No, I'm not getting married, or divorced :-) > This concerns how one should feel after getting a divorce. The vows say, "for > richer and for poorer, for better and for worse, till death do you part". Not > till divorce do you part. Chuq raises an important point when he says that he > felt he was being dishonest with God because he did not live up to the vows he > spoke when he was married. > > My gut reaction is that no, he didn't lie, because to lie is to speak an un- > truth, and there was no statement of truth in the those vows I quoted above, > just promises. But, how is one supposed to feel after one has broken the prom- > ises of the marriage vows. It doesn't really matter if you are or aren't a > Christian -- what matters is how you reconcile the breaking of your vows with > yourself and your former spouse. > > I guess I'm rambling a bit, but I'd like to get feedback from anybody who feels > like commenting on how to cope with divorce, whether or not people should get > divorced, and how to save your marriage even if it looks like it can't be > saved. > > ... Chuq relates his experiences with the net and how they have helped him ... > > I am glad to hear that you feel so good about the net and all the people who > comprise it. I have made some friends myself on the net so I can relate to > what he is saying. Thanks for your article Chuq, and keep up the good work -- > some of us out there (me for one) appreciate all you've done. > -- > Baby tie your hair back in a long white bow ... > Meet me in the field, behind the dynamo ... > > Greg Skinner (gregbo) > {allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo I am a new arrival to this group and was truly touched by the comments on marriage and its difficulties. I guess that one issue is that a lot of us enter the married condition with a rather naive view of the world. I don't think any of us ever realize the amount of give and take that goes on, and the fact that you really have to give up part of yourself to succeed as two. My bride and I have been married for 24 years and have had our good and bad times -- every now and then I realize that we have to keep working at it and it is a real job -- other factors such as children (the raising of), job conditions (for both partners), and a host of other things will tend to keep you hopping. I am sure that there comes a time for a lot of folks when they both simply decide that it just isn't worth it -- particularly if the act of trying to save a marriage is more harmful to both parties than a divorce would be. My wife and I have three daughters -- ages 18, 21, and 22 and both of us spend a lot of time worrying about the choices our girls will make for lasting relationships. How do you know if you have a lot in common with a person, and if ten years from now you will still have anything in common. I guess the bottom line is that it is a fundamental part of the human condition. *** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE *** -- John Passafiume School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332 CSNet: JFP @ GATech ARPA: JFP.GATech @ CSNet-Relay uucp: ...!{akgua,allegra,rlgvax,sb1,unmvax,ulysses,ut-sally}!gatech!jfp