plw@drutx.UUCP (KerrPL) (12/28/84)
Jeff Sonntag says >Don't forget the type of people who were so badly hurt when their relationship >ended that they felt great pain whenever they saw their ex-SO again for months >after the breakup. > It's hard to be friends with someone when you still end up crying on your >pillow whenever you think of them. > I've found that it's only those relationships which were NOT very deep >which still allowed us to be friends afterward. I have found that I have been able to keep my friendships with my serious ex_SO for more than the ones who were "NOT very deep". The latter were the ones who didn't have that much in common with me. After the first attraction was over, so was our so-called romance. The serious ones and I were able to keep friends. The chances of meeting up with them were too great. On the most part both have mutual friends, favorite restaurant, or what not. Meeting up with the ex-SO the first time after the break-up is the hardest. Speak to the person. Remember that the other one is as uncomfortable as you are. My daughter, age 12, is trying to do the same thing for her "First Love". Her and her "boyfriend" have had their first puppy love. She was like Jeff, "Crying in her pillow", with all of the questions of "Why". The only advise I gave her, to Jeff if it helps, and anyone else who feels the hurt. When you love someone, why think of the pain only? There were a lot of good, tender moments. Have the same wishes of a good life for the person. If anything a good romance isn't anything to throw out the window. There was growth for each of you. Shouldn't stunt the growth with hurt feelings. It is OK to cry, to feel sad, to cry in your pillow. Then come up out of it and grow some more. My first real love taught me love and how to let go after two years of serious dating. My second taught me how to love and not destroy the love. My third, and now husband, has growth in our marriage. Each one I loved dearly, each one in their time. Patti Kerr
dae@psuvax1.UUCP (Daemon) (12/30/84)
Patti Kerr (sympathetically) writes: > My daughter, age 12, is trying to do the same thing for her "First > Love". Her and her "boyfriend" have had their first puppy love. ^^^^^ Perhaps you, in your more experienced position, can see some aspects of her relationship that were "puppy." I'm sure she can't. It's perhaps better to take her relationships as she sees them, rather than how you think they will work out. Sorry if I'm being overly picky; the article as a whole was very valuable. -- \ / \/ \ / From the furnace of Daemon ( ...{psuvax1,gondor,shire}!dae ) \/ (814) 237-1901 "I will have no covenants but proximities" [Emerson] When the going gets tough, the weird turn pro.