moriarty@fluke.UUCP (Jeff Meyer) (01/09/85)
My vagrant guru, Sidney the Bum on 1st & Cherry, is holding a seminar on
TURTLEWAX, the encounter-group religion semi-annual brautwurst & Heinkiken
state-of-mind sometime next week, whenenver Sidney (or "Sid", as We The
Faithful call him) can get the energy to get started. Registration is
limited to the number of Faithful (and as Groucho the Scribe once said,
"There's a Faithful born every minute!"); cost is $150/person, $240/couple,
or your firstborn male child, after he's housebroken and can do chores.
I'll leave you with a few of Sid's mumblings:
"TURTLEWAX is the shockproof, water & stain-resistant
state-of-mind that works on the assumption that if you say
any generality with positive overtones enough, somebody will
think you're a genius, quote you and pay you good money for
your mouth runoff. If you say things like: 'TURTLEWAX says
that LIFE is GOOD! And we should all be HAPPY! And live in
PEACE! And have SEX! [Note: the last is thrown in to ignite
the interest of those with less altruistic feelings...]
TURTLEWAX says you should THINK whenever possible! And that
wisdom, charity, generosity and kindness should not be
REPRESSED!' We, the visionaries who founded TURTLEWAX, are
constantly amazed that there are people out there who think
the latter statement is a revelation; however, being not
proud or filled with haughtiness, we are not ashamed or
afraid to take money from said bozos. So, calling all
bozos...
"Nun-beating? Good Lord, man, I can't condone THAT!"
Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc.
UUCP:
{cornell,decvax,ihnp4,sdcsvax,tektronix,utcsrgv}!uw-beaver \
{allegra,gatech!sb1,hplabs!lbl-csam,decwrl!sun,ssc-vax} -- !fluke!moriarty
ARPA:
fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA