diegob@cca.UUCP (Diego Gonzalez) (01/08/85)
I'd like to comment that in forming a significant relationship with a co-worker, the same principles apply as in other situations. Honesty, maturity, and sincerity are perhaps more noticeable when lacked, but the dynamics are otherwise little different. For those of us who have lived in relatively large and impersonal communities, courting and advanced involvements with associates at the workplace seem full of dangers. (Amidst the 19th century attitudes of some working environments, I'm sure some of those dangers are very real.) People living in small tightly-knit towns and those dating within religious or social organizations, however, will ordinarily feel the kinds of pressures mentioned in some of the other responses. It is especially important that in forming a relationship with a workmate that one proceeds with caution (not that it isn't in most other circumstances). One should be reasonably secure that your SO will observe basic respects and discretions. There is no intrinsic reason why a relationship which fails to become a mutual loving and living arrangement must lead to discomfort when the two see one another during work or socially. A mature person should, I think, accept the fact that not all "going out" is going to lead to mutual satisfaction or a long term intimate relationship. It would be honest to admit that before, during, and after "seeing" someone. In other words, if I am attracted to someone who works for my company I should not hesitate to ask that person for a date. I should be ready to appreciate that person's desire to remain "low key" around work. I should be ready to accept that differences in goals, interests, and personalities may make us an unsuitable couple. I should be ready to accept that sex in the relationship is not a guarantee of permanence (I would like to believe that we are beyond the "sexual favors" ways of thinking). We are going to get to know each other more deeply. No matter what the results of this initial "familiarization", I should expect to behave with a degree of cultivation. If the relationship has been treated with civility all along, I think that the two people can live and work in proximity without pangs and discomfort. If they have not acted openly and honestly, I think there can be a lot of problems. When there's a "you" that you keep hidden from others, you may just not want someone around work that also may know that self. But if there's a part of you like that, maybe you should have it seen to before committing to any serious relationship.
jwp@sdchema.UUCP (John Pierce) (01/12/85)
The first principle of good management:
Don't screw the hired help.
John Pierce, Chemistry, UC San Diego
{sdcsvax,decvax}!sdchema!jwp