hagouel@ittvax.UUCP (Jack Hagouel) (02/05/85)
Greg Skinner writes:
--------------------
... 10-20 years ago, married couples seemed
to be more willing to work things out. Nowadays, I guess with the women's
liberation movement and other changing attitudes there's less pressure from
family, friends, and society at large to keep a marriage working.
Chuq responds:
--------------
Greg, I don't know if you realize what you said, but this is an extremely
insulting comment to many groups, including divorced people, 'liberated'
women (whatever that is) and most other people.
. . .
... women are now more able to survive
on their own.
. . .
Societal and religious pressures were also strong inhibitors. There were
many, many marriages out there that would have been better off if they had
been dissolved but weren't. 20 years ago I'd probably still be married and
miserable. Now, I'm single and working towards a better situation.
My view:
--------
Having read Greg's article I had difficulty uderstanding why Chuq reacted
strongly and negatively. Comparison of the excerpts above seems to
indicate that they're both in agreement, at least in general terms.
Since I have not been through marriage or divorce, I guess I missed
the subtlety.
Nevertheless, it is difficult to deny the statistics which indicate that
one marriage in two (in certain areas) fails. Surely, with that many
people affected marriage cannot remain in people's mind as a permanent
bond. Of course there are people that still hold on to this value. I
would expect that one broken marriage would reinforce the participant's
desire for permanence next time, but no. Statistically, you are more
likely to get a divorce if you already had one.
Women's "liberation" may have a lot to do with this. So do contemporary
religious values, and our nomadic nature, i.e. job related mobility.
The discussion on long distance relations is an indication of that
problem.
What can be done to reverse the trend? If marriage does not work should
we abolish it? Will it go away by itself?
--
Jack Hagouel
..!ittvax!hagouel (203) 929-7341tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee) (02/08/85)
>-------- >Having read Greg's article I had difficulty uderstanding why Chuq reacted >strongly and negatively. Comparison of the excerpts above seems to >indicate that they're both in agreement, at least in general terms. >Since I have not been through marriage or divorce, I guess I missed >the subtlety. > >Nevertheless, it is difficult to deny the statistics which indicate that >one marriage in two (in certain areas) fails. Surely, with that many >people affected marriage cannot remain in people's mind as a permanent >bond. Of course there are people that still hold on to this value. I >would expect that one broken marriage would reinforce the participant's >desire for permanence next time, but no. Statistically, you are more >likely to get a divorce if you already had one. > I think that Chuq's reaction to Greg's remarks could be predicted from your discussion above. For me (and I sense for Chuq too, but please excuse me if I'm wrong) one of the hardest parts of divorce is breaking this bond that we looked at as being permanent. I do still hold onto the value of marrige being permanent. I tend to be sensitive to someone saying I don't. There is implied in what I say a guilt feeling caused by getting a divorce. This isn't quite the right way to put it, but I am dissappointed, and I'm disappointed in myself. But I'd just as soon critisize myself and not let someone else do it. Peter Barbee decvax-+-uw-beaver-+ ihnp4--+ allegra-+ ucbvax----lbl-csam-+--fluke!tron sun-+ ssc-vax-+ :
bvd@hou2b.UUCP (W.VANDUSEN) (02/08/85)
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