denise@cca.UUCP (Denise Higgins) (03/04/85)
Glad you asked! And since I have had a number of requests for
more information, I'm going to post this reply for the benefit
of those that may be interested but somewhat reluctant.
Marriage Encounter (ME) evolved on or around Valentine's Day in
1981. Primarily, this organization was established in response
to a need for a support group for good or potentially good
marriages. These days, it is sometimes difficult to find a role
model for a good marriage. What resulted was an immense interest
and this organization has every right to claim its successes.
Incidentally, in this short period of time, it has grown to be
international--quite relieving to know that wherever you may be or
wherever you may move, there is a Marriage Encounter group close by.
The Marriage Encounter weekend is a non-denominational weekend
shared with your spouse only. Sure, other couples are on this
weekend but you are encouraged to concentrate all of your thoughts
and discussion with your spouse. Three married couples give short
presentations--it is quite intense and exhilarating! Following
the presentations, (which are the couples' own real life experiences--
touching and enlightening) you sequester to your room for quiet
discussion with your spouse. In this time, you truly come to know
your spouse. The gray areas in your lives are brought forth by
careful coordination of the questions (and presentations) given.
You actually begin to learn the techniques of dicussion. In ME
terms, this is referred to as dialogue. Quite frankly, we don't
have any social situation that teach or prepare us for communication
with each other. Communication difficulties account for almost all
of our current divorces. ME teaches both spouse the concept of
communication in a very straightforward, simple way. Moreover, both
learn the same techniques of communicaton, thereby making the
process of communication easier--allowing the two more time to con-
centrate on the real issues. The best part of the whole weekend
is learning this new tool. This new tool is portable and when used
frequently, results are spectacular.
This weekend didn't solve all our problems, but it did put us in
communication with each other. Our marriage counselor (yeah we
went that route once) could never do for us what this organization
has. We now have a sharing group that is an extension to the ME
weekend. Twice a month we come together in each other's house
(about 4-5 couples) to support and encourage each other. These
people are only a phone call away when help or words of support are
needed. Hearing that others have been through some of our emotional
difficulties, hearing their solutions (or that the have no apparent
solutions) bring us closer to the underlying problem. Once we are
aware of the underlying problem, solutions are worked out together.
Sometimes it just takes hearing that others are in the same situation
to reassure one that it's not so insurmountable. Before we were
introduced to ME, we could not approach family or friends with some
of our difficulties, keeping them to ourselves just intensified the
situation. So, I guess you can see just how valuable it is to have
our sharing group.
The cost is VERY minimal (especially considering the resulting value).
The organization will even waive the fee for anyone with financial
concerns, but I'm sure you'll agree with me that by the end of the
weekend you'll want to make a contribution to keep this thing going
for other couples to learn and enjoy. Babysitting is also arranged
(other ME couples provide this free service) if necessary.
There is really no way to express or describe a Marriage Encounter
weekend to someone who has never experienced one before--you'll just
have to find out for yourself. With the overwhelming success of the
Marriage Encounter, there now exists an "Engaged Encounter", same
basic principles.
Since Marriage Encounter is international, if you provide me with
your city and state, I can give you a local phone number and
address of a Marriage Encounter couple in your area.
The next step could make all the difference in the world.
Keep smiling,
Denisewoods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods) (03/13/85)
I would like to second Denise's enthusiastic recommendation. I have not participated in ME in particular (I have never been married), but I have done an awareness training course (Lifespring(tm)) which uses some of the same techniques described here, except that it concentrates on you personally instead of your relationship with a spouse, as ME does. I cannot recommend this type of thing highly enough. I have been able to develop a whole new attitude about me and my life as a result of *my* experience with Lifespring, and I'm 10 times happier than I was previously. I enjoy sharing this experience with people since it was so impactful for me. > The gray areas in your lives are brought forth by > careful coordination of the questions (and presentations) given. > You actually begin to learn the techniques of dicussion. In ME > terms, this is referred to as dialogue. Quite frankly, we don't > have any social situation that teach or prepare us for communication > with each other. And we will never learn to communicate by having a counselor or therapist explain why we are having difficulty. The only way to learn is to do it. It's rather like riding a bike; you can read about it until you are blue in the face and you won't learn how to ride a bike. The only way you learn to ride is to *experience* riding a bike. And when you learn something through experience, you never forget it. You could hop on that bike years later and still know how to ride. Do you remember even half of the crap you learned in high school (apologies to Paul Simon for stealing his line)? The reason you don't is because you learned it solely through an *intellectual* process rather than an *experiential* one. Things learned intellectually tend to fade with time, while things learned through experience tend to stay with you forever. > Our marriage counselor (yeah we went that route once) could never do for us > what this organization has. Based on my own experience, this is not surprising. Marriage counselors offer intellectual therapy. ME offers experiential training. I suggest the latter is thousands of times more effective. > We now have a sharing group that is an extension to the ME > weekend....Hearing that others have been through some of our emotional > difficulties, hearing their solutions (or that the have no apparent > solutions) bring us closer to the underlying problem. Once we are > aware of the underlying problem, solutions are worked out together. > Sometimes it just takes hearing that others are in the same situation > to reassure one that it's not so insurmountable. This also matches my experience. Sharing groups are invaluable. I had a lot of personal difficulties that I was unwilling to share with even my closest friends because I feared their disapproval, or that they would think I was weird, different, or screwed up. During the Lifespring course I shared some of these things, and guess what? Half the people there shared most of my concerns. It really *does* help to see that lots of others are in the same boat and have similar concerns. The support level there was unbelievable. I'd also like to second the notion that becoming aware of the underlying problem is 9/10ths of the solution. As soon as I saw that *I* was at cause of my difficulties and that *I* could take action to correct them, it was easy. In my own case, I always had trouble with women. It turned out that the underlying cause was that I believed very strongly that women didn't like me, and devoted a lot of my energy to proving it. As soon as I saw I was doing this, I chose to stop, and my love life has never been better (although I still haven't met my long- term goals in this area yet, but things take time) I never realized that I was so attached to that belief. I really wanted to be right, even to the point of sacrificing my happiness for it. I submit that this is not unusual; lots of people have negative beliefs about themselves that they want to be right about. The trouble is not that this is the case, but that they are not *aware* of it. Once you see that it's really a choice, it becomes trivial to deal with. Not only are the problems not insurmountable, but you are the cause of them, and therefore you are the solution as well. If this sounds oversimplified, it isn't. I've eliminated many of my "problems" this way, so I know. > The cost is VERY minimal (especially considering the resulting value). > The organization will even waive the fee for anyone with financial > concerns, but I'm sure you'll agree with me that by the end of the > weekend you'll want to make a contribution to keep this thing going > for other couples to learn and enjoy. Well, Lifespring is not quite that flexible about the money, but they *are* a profit-making corporation, so this isn't surprising. What they *do* have, however, is a money-back guarantee. The course costs $400, which ain't pocket change, but to me, the value I got out of it is immeasurable in monetary terms. What could be more valuable than having my life work the way I want it to? And, if you aren't satisfied that the course was well worth the $400, you can have $350 back just by asking for it (about 2-5% of those who take the course ask for and recieve a refund). > There is really no way to express or describe a Marriage Encounter > weekend to someone who has never experienced one before--you'll just > have to find out for yourself. Ditto for Lifespring. Since the course is experiential, there's no way to fully describe it in intellectual terms. I can't tell you how to ride a bike. > The next step could make all the difference in the world. Ditto again. If anyone would like more information, feel free to write. Needless to say, I love talking about it. Hugs to all, --Greg -- {ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!noao | harpo!seismo | ihnp4!noao} !hao!woods CSNET: woods@NCAR ARPA: woods%ncar@CSNET-RELAY "Please don't dominate the rap Jack, if you got nothing new to say..."