scooby@ihopa.UUCP (Scott Mitzel) (01/22/85)
** Replace this article with your favorite pathetic football team ** I'm not sure of the source of this information, but if it's true, look for the Minnesota Vikings to return to the top of the NFC Central Division. With a schedule like this and the return of Bud Grant, they should be able to play about .500, which is always in the running in their division. MINNESOTA VIKINGS FOOTBALL SCHEDULE FOR 1985 September 8 ----------------------- Bloomington Jr. High 15 ----------------------- Cub Scout Troop #101 22 ----------------------- Minnesota Blind Academy 29 ----------------------- Spanish-American War Vets October 6 ----------------------- Crippled Childrens Home 13 ----------------------- St. Cloud Home for Wayward Girls 20 ----------------------- Girl Scout Troop #69 27 ----------------------- Minnesota VD Clinic Post #3 November 3 ----------------------- Minneapolis Boys Choir 10 ----------------------- Korean War Amputees 17 ----------------------- VA Hospital Polio Patients 25 -----(Monday Night)---- Utopia Gay Boys RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR 1) When playing the polio patients, the Vikings must not disconnect their leg braces. 2) When playing the girl scouts, the Vikings must not eat their cookies. 3) When playing the Blind Academy, the Vikings must not hide the football under their jerseys. 4) When playing the Korean War Amputees, the Vikings must not file any protests about players with one leg being harder to tackle. RULES THE SAME AS LAST YEAR 1) A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal, for all you Viking fans that have never seen one) is still worth 21 points. 2) The Vikings will be allowed 27 men on the field at all times. 3) The Vikings will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time during the course of the game. 4) The Vikings will be allowed 20 time-outs as opposed to 3 for the other teams. 5) The Vikings will be awarded a first down with each gain of 3 yards or more. I'll admit the Girl Scouts, the Spanish-American War Vets, and the Polio Patients could be tough competition, but the rest of the schedule shouldn't provide too much trouble. If they can win those games, look for the Vikes to be in Super Bowl XX. -- Scott Mitzel ..!ihnp4!ihopa!scooby AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL.