scooby@ihopa.UUCP (Scott Mitzel) (01/22/85)
** Replace this article with your favorite pathetic football team **
I'm not sure of the source of this information, but if it's true,
look for the Minnesota Vikings to return to the top of the NFC
Central Division. With a schedule like this and the return of
Bud Grant, they should be able to play about .500, which is always
in the running in their division.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS FOOTBALL SCHEDULE FOR 1985
September 8 ----------------------- Bloomington Jr. High
15 ----------------------- Cub Scout Troop #101
22 ----------------------- Minnesota Blind Academy
29 ----------------------- Spanish-American War Vets
October 6 ----------------------- Crippled Childrens Home
13 ----------------------- St. Cloud Home for Wayward Girls
20 ----------------------- Girl Scout Troop #69
27 ----------------------- Minnesota VD Clinic Post #3
November 3 ----------------------- Minneapolis Boys Choir
10 ----------------------- Korean War Amputees
17 ----------------------- VA Hospital Polio Patients
25 -----(Monday Night)---- Utopia Gay Boys
RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR
1) When playing the polio patients, the Vikings must not
disconnect their leg braces.
2) When playing the girl scouts, the Vikings must not eat their
cookies.
3) When playing the Blind Academy, the Vikings must not hide the
football under their jerseys.
4) When playing the Korean War Amputees, the Vikings must not file
any protests about players with one leg being harder to tackle.
RULES THE SAME AS LAST YEAR
1) A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal,
for all you Viking fans that have never seen one) is still
worth 21 points.
2) The Vikings will be allowed 27 men on the field at all times.
3) The Vikings will be allowed to substitute with band members at
any time during the course of the game.
4) The Vikings will be allowed 20 time-outs as opposed to 3 for
the other teams.
5) The Vikings will be awarded a first down with each gain of
3 yards or more.
I'll admit the Girl Scouts, the Spanish-American War Vets, and the
Polio Patients could be tough competition, but the rest of the
schedule shouldn't provide too much trouble. If they can win
those games, look for the Vikes to be in Super Bowl XX.
--
Scott Mitzel
..!ihnp4!ihopa!scooby
AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL.