arndt@lymph.DEC (01/25/85)
[Formerly Leon's Army/Navy Surplus]
Attention executives!! Are you tired of the boredom and safety of modern
business travel? Do you daydream about crossing the plains in a covered
wagon? Fightin' Indians?? Well, dream no more. Leave the limo ride
uptown to the wimps and let Subway Outfitters put you in the high risk,
high adventure travel scene. On the New York Subways!
Come in today for a personal outfitting by Capt. Billy 'fire for effect' Jones.
Yes, true believers, lock and load! Here is a typical ensemble configured by
Capt.Billy:
Cotton-poplin jungle fatigues with long sleves, your blood type
embroidered over your right pocket and OKAY PEN over your left, canvas leggings
laced midway up the calves, shoelaces on the side and leggings covering
soft-soled jungle boots. STABO rings with ordinary pistol belt, the snap links
sturdy enough for chopper lift-out, freeing the arms for firing during dustup.
First-aid gear carried forward. Small gas mask worn over the left chest and
a sheathed Randall fighting knife worn upside down, cutting edge outward, on
the chest strap near the neck. A can of albumin blood-expander, a rubber
IV tube in the shirt pocket, along with your standard piano wire for garroting
and three one-quart canteens carried behind. Army-issue Seiko watch. Radio
URC-68. In one hand a Swedish K-gun, plus a sawed-off M-79 grenade launcher
with snap-link through the trigger guard and an antipersonal round in the
chamber. (flashback, flashback) Of course, a Hi-Standard .22 with silencer
in a canvas pocket at the back of your rucksack.
With your purchase comes three weeks of weapons training from Capt. Billy.
You may have seen his adds in S.O.F. Capt. Billy was with an OPS-35 SOG
group in the Nam. "When I kill, the only thing I feel is recoil!", joshes
Capt. Billy. Be hard core! Join a few good men riding the New York subways.
Arrive fresh for work in the morning with the smell of cordite in your nose.
"These kids today" says Capt. Billy, "They think it's a real rush to lie with
their head on a railroad tie, sucking on weed, watchin' the fast approach of
the mail express on a clear night." "Wait till their first taste of
'rock and roll' with some gooks, er, I mean goons tryin' to kill 'em for $5.
pocket money." "Why, I remember a time up across the fence . . . ."
So we leave Capt. Billy till you come in to see him in prison, er, person.
For the less flamboyant traveler we suggest a lovely little Browning 9mm.
"Like a brick through a plate glass window." We have removed the rear
adjustable sights and painted the front end with Day-Glo. All distances
will no doubt be within thirty to fifty feet and the front sight can be
put "on target" in a matter of seconds, - all fourteen rounds.
"Damn, If only I had had a Browning." says Bernhard Goetz. Imagine fooling
around with a .38!
As an extra added service to our customers we have, as close as your radio
call sign, a flock of lawers trained in self defense cases, bail bondsmen,
and should you let Capt. Billy down - a flying first aid squad.
Remember our motto: "We aim to please, you aim too."
SO COME ON DOWN!!!