trio@idis.UUCP (04/11/85)
A while back, I said: >>Tactical Nuclear Devices are out of the question; how do you keep from >>injuring an innocent bystander? :-) :-) And then, nyssa@abnji.UUCP (James C. Armstrong, Jnr.) said: >Well, Ole Dinnsy said that there was no such thing as an innocent bystander. >If you disagree with him, we'll be around looking for you! >-- >James C. Armstrong, Jnr. ihnp4!abnji!nyssa Oh SH*T! I see an old Sherman tank pulling up in front of my house now! Well Dinnsdale, I refuse to be victimized by criminals any longer. Since I feel my life is threatened, I have no choice but to defend myself and my home from your treachery, rape, pillage, and plunder (not to mention the tank treads on Mrs. Jones' yard). Suprise! I have a LAAW with your name on it (I did get a permit for it, even though it's classified by the Buereau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms as a destructive device, so I can carry it concealed). Then, I'm going to see if you prefer "flame-broiling" with my backpack-mounted flamethrower, spewing burning napalm all over your green monstrosity (which would possibly turn that Sherman tank of his into just that...a broiler). As another criminal falls to the valiant citizen who is protecting himself, the police show up to find out what happens. The next thing I find is myself hauled before a judge to defend what I did (I already decided that if I don't get off, I shall appeal to Judge Moriarty and the ***STUPID PEOPLE'S COURT***). Dinnsdale's family's lawyer (DF, for short): "Your honor, it seems that this crazed madman before you went after our sweet, lovable Dinnsdale for no apparent reason. Obviously, the man is prejudiced against those who drive around in tanks. I beg the court to consider the loss to this family (as they shake down the baliff). Judge: Well, why did you do it? Plaintiff: It was quite justifiable. Why, hell, the scum had a tank cannon aimed right at me and I had no opportunity to retreat. I, exercising my rights to bear arms and to protect myself, did so. As you can see, I only used the amount of force necessary to protect myself. The police can't be everywhere. How is one to survive and not be a criminal's victim in this society without the means to protect himself? DF Lawyer: If the situation was so bad, why didn't you call the police? Plaintiff: With a tank cannon staring me in the face? I LEAVE IT UP TO THE OTHER READERS TO DECIDE THE OUTCOME OF THIS SITUATION (AND PERHAPS WRITE SOMETHING WITTIER). (p.s. Please no crap about gun control and other impossibilities) -- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- Nick Trio -If you don't like the answer, Grad Student - Sociology don't ask the question- U. of Pittsburgh ...{decvax, ihnp4, duke}!mcnc!idis!trio ---All of these views are mine and no one else's. So What?---
nyssa@abnji.UUCP (nyssa of traken) (04/12/85)
>A while back, I said: >>>Tactical Nuclear Devices are out of the question; how do you keep from >>>injuring an innocent bystander? :-) :-) > >And then, nyssa@abnji.UUCP (James C. Armstrong, Jnr.) said: >>Well, Ole Dinnsy said that there was no such thing as an innocent bystander. >>If you disagree with him, we'll be around looking for you! >>-- >>James C. Armstrong, Jnr. ihnp4!abnji!nyssa > > >Oh SH*T! I see an old Sherman tank pulling up in front of my house now! Dinsdale Pirhana is a supporter of the Great British Tank makers, and only uses Centurion tanks. So that last visitor is not one of our lot. >Well Dinnsdale, I refuse to be victimized by criminals any longer. Since I >feel my life is threatened, I have no choice but to defend myself and my home >from your treachery, rape, pillage, and plunder (not to mention the tank >treads on Mrs. Jones' yard). I think you sincerely misunderstand the nature of our organization. We do not rape, pillage, or plunder, we are not treacherous. We keep the streets clean of hedgehogs and other threats to society. As society benefits, we just pass on our costs to the people benefited. >Suprise! I have a LAAW with your name on it (I did get a permit for it, even >though it's classified by the Buereau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms as a >destructive device, so I can carry it concealed). Then, I'm going to see >if you prefer "flame-broiling" with my backpack-mounted flamethrower, spewing >burning napalm all over your green monstrosity (which would possibly turn that >Sherman tank of his into just that...a broiler). Now, now. Childish threats like that mean we will have to nail your head to the floor. >As another criminal falls to the valiant citizen who is protecting himself, >the police show up to find out what happens. Show up? It can't be us. The Cheif constable's the one with the tactical nuclear weapon. > The next thing I find is myself >hauled before a judge to defend what I did (I already decided that if I don't >get off, I shall appeal to Judge Moriarty and the ***STUPID PEOPLE'S >COURT***). > >Dinnsdale's family's lawyer (DF, for short): "Your honor, it seems that this > crazed madman before you went after our sweet, > lovable Dinnsdale for no apparent reason. > Obviously, the man is prejudiced against > those who drive around in tanks. I beg the > court to consider the loss to this family > (as they shake down the baliff). > >Judge: Well, why did you do it? > >Plaintiff: It was quite justifiable. Why, hell, the scum had a tank cannon Objection! Use of the word "scum" could prejudice the jury! Judge: Sustained. > aimed right at me and I had no opportunity to > retreat. I, exercising my rights to bear arms > and to protect myself, did so. As you can see, I > only used the amount of force necessary to protect > myself. The police can't be everywhere. How is one > to survive and not be a criminal's victim in this > society without the means to protect himself? > >DF Lawyer: If the situation was so bad, why didn't you call the police? > >Plaintiff: With a tank cannon staring me in the face? DF Lawyer: Doug assures me that if the tank cannon had been staring you in the face, you wouldn't be here. We request the case be decided in our favour, the Plaintiff is clearly lying. Judge: I decide in favour of the Pirhanas. > > > >I LEAVE IT UP TO THE OTHER READERS TO DECIDE THE OUTCOME OF THIS SITUATION >(AND PERHAPS WRITE SOMETHING WITTIER). That's Doug's department. He uses all the weapons... -- Nyssa of Traken, now employed at Terminus Hospital, Inc. ihnp4!abnji!nyssa The cameras are still on, let the show begin! I want to hear them scream, until I'm deaf with pleasure! I want to see their limbs twist in excruciating pain! Ultimately, their blood must gush and flow through all the gutters of Varos!