richardt@orstcs.UUCP (richardt) (08/08/85)
s yet another in my continuing series of public informayion messages, I offer the following: The place to find Tom Lehrer songs is the book "Too Many Songs By Tom Lehrer (With Not Enough Drawings by Ronald Searle)." It's put out by Pantheon Books, New York, and is copyright 1981. According to Who's Who '82, T.L. also did two more songbooks as well as 5 records. In any case; If you were to look in "Too many songs...," you would find songs such as these: "We will all go together when we go", Tom Lehrer, (C) 1959 When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o'later, Those you love will do the same for you. And you may have though it tragic, Not to mention other adjectives, To think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.) No more ashes, no more sackloth, And armband made of blackcloth Will someday nevermore adorn a sleev. For if the bomb that drops on you Gets your friends and neighbors too, There'll be nobody left behind to greive. And we will all go together when we go, What a comforting fact that is to know. Universal bereavement, An inspiring achievement, Yes, we all will go together when we go. We will all go together when we go, All suffused with an incandescent glow. No one will have the endurance, To collect on his insurance, Lloyd's of London will be loaded when they go. We will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes bye and bye. There will be no misery, When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we all will fry together when we fry. Down by the old maelstrom, There'll be a storm before the calm. And we will all bake together when we bake, There'll be nobody present at the wake. With complete participation, In that grand incineration, Nearly three billion hunks of well done steak. We will all char together when we char, And let there be no moaning of the bar. Just sing out a Te Deum When you see that I.C.B.M., And the party will be "come-as-you-are." We will all burn together when we burn. There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn. When it's time for the fallout, And Saint Peter calls us all out, We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn. You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas. Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dolla's. And we will all go together when we go, Ev'ry Hottentot and ev'ry Eskimo, When the air becomes uranious, We will all go simultaneous, Yes, we all will go together When we all go together, Yes, we all will go together when we go. "So Long Mom (a song for world war III)", T.L., (C) 1965 So Long, Mom, I'm off to drop the bomb, So don't wait up for me, But while you swelter, Down there in your shelter, You can see me On your T.V. While we're attacking frontally, Watch Brinkally and Huntally, Describing contrapuntally The cities we have lost. No need for you to miss a minute of the agonizing holocaust. Little Johnny Jones he was a U.S. pilot, And no shrinking vi'let was he. He was mighty proud when World War Three was declared, He wasn't scared, No siree! And this is what he said on His way to Armaggedon: So long, Mom, I'm off to drop the bomb, So don't wait up for me, But though I may roam, I'll come back to my home, Although it may be A pile of debris. Remember, Mommy, I'm off to get a commie, So send me a salami, And try to smile somehow. I'll look for you when the war is over, An hour and a half from now! "Who's Next," T.L., (C) 1965 First we got the bomb, and that was good, 'Cause we love peace and motherhood. Then Russia got the bomb, but that's okay, 'Cause the balance of power's maintained that way. Who's next? Then France got the bomb, but don't you grieve, 'Cause they're on our side (I believe). China got the bomb, but have no fears, 'Cause they can't wipe us out for at least five years. Who's next? Japan will have its own device, Transitorized at half the price. South Africa wants two, that's right: One for the black and one for the white. Who's next? Egypt's gonna get one to, Just to use on you know who. So Israel's getting tense, Wants one in self-defense. "The Lord's our shepard," says the psalm, But just in case -- we better get a bomb. Who's next? Luxembourg is next to go, And (who knows?) maybe Monaco. We'll try to stay serene and calm When Alabama gets the bomb. Who's next? Who's next? Who's next? Who's next? Let it be noted that Tom Lehrer has left this line of work, and is now living down in California and often feels "like a resident of Pompeii who has been asked for some humorous comments on lava." 'Nuff said. orstcs!richardt "This .signature file randomized at random intervals"