todd@scirtp.UUCP (Todd Jones) (09/03/85)
We Toddists believe that religious views should not be banned from public schools. Since Toddists, as taxpayers, support public schools we feel that our views should be offered. We feel the exclusion of ideas in public schools directly abridges our freedom to worship without governmental interference. Here are our major tenets: 1. Creation of the World A giant midget in a gorilla suit engaged in battle with a pterodactyl with a hot pink mohawk and mismatching argyles. As they battled, stray pieces of dirt, sweat and pterodactyl excrement gathered in a mass that became our planet. 2. Origins of Life A interplanetary marketing mogul decided to market a new brand of toothpaste that would combined the benefits of mouthwash, breath freshener and a particle-beam ICBM interceptor. She decided earth would make the ideal market- place for her new product, except it was devoid of life. She applied for a permit with the Bureau of Lifeform Generation. They gave her a petri dish full of humanoids, but she spilled them before she could get to earth, so she constructed a bunch of self-replicating androids and let them loose on earth. 3. Chemistry We Toddists believe there is only one element, stuff. Stuff makes up everything. There is one substance that is not made of stuff: anti-stuff. Don't mix the two! 4. Mathematics The highest number that actually exists is 142. There are no numbers higher than 142. Not even irrational numbers. 5. Human Reproduction Women become pregnant when they are visited in the night by small gnomes wearing Air Jordan sneakers. The gnomes secrete expensive imported yogurt into women's jewelry boxes. 6. All Other Sciences there are no other sciences. Teaching them infringes on our right to have our views fairly expressed. These are the views of the Toddists (actually the Toddist, but I'll be recruiting members soon at your local airport) We feel we have a right to have these views taught along side the Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, Moonie, Morman, and Secular Humanist views. I hope everyone now sees the importance of feedom of religious propagandizing in public schools. But there is no need to stop here! You can think of YOUR own religion and demand it's taught too! What a wonderful, free nation we live in. ||||||| || || [ O-O ] Todd Jones \ ^ / {decvax,akgua}!mcnc!rti-sel!scirtp!todd | ~ | |___| SCI Systems Inc. doesn't necessarily agree with Todd.
ps@celerity.UUCP (Pat Shanahan) (09/05/85)
> We Toddists believe that religious views should not be > banned from public schools. ...(statement of basic Toddist beliefs) > These are the views of the Toddists (actually the Toddist, > but I'll be recruiting members soon at your local airport) ... > > ||||||| > || || > [ O-O ] Todd Jones > \ ^ / {decvax,akgua}!mcnc!rti-sel!scirtp!todd > | ~ | > |___| SCI Systems Inc. doesn't necessarily agree with Todd. Since Toddism seems at least as sensible as any other religion, and it certainly sounds better to be able to refer to "the Toddists" rather than "the Toddist", I hereby announce my conversion to Toddism. I join in the call for full, free teaching of Toddism in all public schools. -- ps (Pat Shanahan) uucp : {decvax!ucbvax || ihnp4 || philabs}!sdcsvax!celerity!ps arpa : sdcsvax!celerity!ps@nosc
helmsoid@scirtp.UUCP (the helmsoid) (09/11/85)
> > We Toddists believe that religious views should not be > > banned from public schools. You mean *Christian views* should not be banned from public schools, fella! >> ...(statement of basic Toddist beliefs) > > > These are the views of the Toddists (actually the Toddist, > > but I'll be recruiting members soon at your local airport) > ... > > > > ||||||| > > || || > > [ O-O ] Todd Jones > > \ ^ / {decvax,akgua}!mcnc!rti-sel!scirtp!todd > > | ~ | > > |___| SCI Systems Inc. doesn't necessarily agree with Todd. > > Since Toddism seems at least as sensible as any other religion, and it > certainly sounds better to be able to refer to "the Toddists" rather than > "the Toddist", I hereby announce my conversion to Toddism. I join in the > call for full, free teaching of Toddism in all public schools. All you damn preverted commernist homersexshals'll burn in Hell! You can't disguise your Godless atheism!! I'll sniff yer rotten carcass out and send some of my boys to getcha! Now if I can only find that sicko, Todd Jones, who started this redickless attack on ma freedom to indoctrinate 'merican youth, I'll show him a thing or two about tolerance!! Anyone who can provide me with information regarding this here Jones fellow can consider themselves a blue blooded citizen of the greatest country in the world! > ps > (Pat Shanahan) > uucp : {decvax!ucbvax || ihnp4 || philabs}!sdcsvax!celerity!ps > arpa : sdcsvax!celerity!ps@nosc Our boys will come for you soon, ya damn pinko! -Jeshee These are the views held by all right-thinking 'mericans. If these views ain't held by an individual or organization, they must be Godless commernist agitators and will be dealt with appropriately. Amen. {decvax,akgua}!mcnc!rti-sel!scirtp!helmsoid