bzf@psuvm.UUCP (04/01/85)
A friend of mine at Carnegie-Mellon sent me the following list of "lesser
known" computer languages:
Basic, Fortran, Cobol . . . These programming languages are well-known
and (more or less) well-loved throughout the computer industry. There
are numerous other languages, however, that are less well-known yet
still have ardent devotees. In fact, these little-known languages
generally have the most fanatic admirers. For those who wish to know
more about these obscure languages - and why they are obscure - I
present the following catalog.
SIMPLE
SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Mono-purpose Programming
Linguistic Environment. This language, developed at the Hanover
College for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible
to write code with errors in it. The statements are therefore
confined to BEGIN, END, and STOP. No matter how you arrange the
statements, you can't make a syntax error.
Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. thus they achieve the
results of programs written in other languages without the tedious,
frustrating process of testing and debugging.
SLOBOL
SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they
compile, SLOBOL commpilers allow you to take a trip to Bolivia to pick
up the coffee. Forty-three programmers are known to have died of
boredom sitting at their terminal while waiting for a SLOBOL program
to compile. Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but
infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.
VALGOL (With special thanks to Dan and Betsy "Moon Unit" Pfau)
From its modest beginnings in southern California's San Fernando
Valley, VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the
industry.
VALGOL commands include REALLY, LIKE, WELL, and Y$KNOW. Variables are
assigned with the =LIKE and =TOTALLY operators. Other operators
include the "CALIFORNIA BOOLEANS": FERSURE and NOWAY. Repititions of
code are handled in FOR-SURE loops. Here is a sample VALGOL program:
14 LIKE, Y$KNOW (I MEAN) START
%% IF
PI A =LIKE BITCHEN AND
01 B =LIKE TUBULAR AND
9 C =LIKE GRODY**MAX
4K (FERSURE)**2
18 THEN
4I FOR I=LIKE 1 TO OH MAYBE 100
86 DO WAH + (DITTY**2)
9 BARF(I) =TOTALY GROSS(OUT)
-17 SURE
1F LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM
? REALLY
$$ LIKE TOTALLY (Y*KNOW)
VALGOL is characterized by its unfriendly error messages. For
example, when the user makes a syntax error, the interpreter displays
the message, GAG ME WITH A SPOON!
LAIDBACK
Historically, VALGOL is a derivative of LAIDBACK, which was developed
at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi, Mellowness, and
Computer Programming, as an alternative to the more intense atmosphere
in nearby Silicon Valley.
The center was ideal for programmers who liked to soak in hot tubs
while they worked. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there
for long, since the center outlawed pizza and RC Cola in favor of
bean curd and Perrier.
Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a
gentle and nonthreatening language. For example, LAIDBACK responded
to syntax errors with the message, SORRY MAN, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT.
SARTRE
Named after the late existential philosopher. SARTRE is an extremely
unstructured language. Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they
just are there. Thus, SARTRE programs are left to define their own
functions. SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed and
are no fun at parties.
FIFTH
FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types
refer to quantity. The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and
JIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM, and
BLOTTO. commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY,
CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH, and WHATEVERSAROUND.
The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and
financial status of its users. Commands in the ELITE dialect include
VSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH
and RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers
who end up using the language.
C-
This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he
submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C-
is best described as a "Low-level" programming language. In fact, the
language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code
statements to execute a given task. In this respect, it is very
similar to COBOL.
LITHP
This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the abscence
of an "s" in its character set. Programmers and users must
substitute "TH". LITHP is thaid to be utheful in prothething lithtths.
DOGO
Developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Obedience Training. DOGO
heralds a new era of computer-literate pets. DOGO commands include
SIT, STAY, HEEL, and ROLL OVER. An innovatve feature of DOGO is
"PUPPY GRAPHICS", in which a cmall cocker spaniel leaves a deposit as
he travels across the screen.
--------
=========================================================================
I would be interested in hearing from anyone who can report on any other
little known languages in use out there.
============================================================================
Dave Bealer BZF @ PSUVM (Bitnet)
Student Operator/Consultant
PSU/Capitol Campus Computer Center
============================================================================krs@amdahl.UUCP (Kris Stephens) (04/03/85)
> A friend of mine at Carnegie-Mellon sent me the following list of "lesser > known" computer languages: ... > > I would be interested in hearing from anyone who can report on any other > little known languages in use out there. > > ============================================================================ > Dave Bealer BZF @ PSUVM (Bitnet) Okay, Dave... Maybe It's Time for 'MAYBEBOL' ENTROPY: The amount by which a system differs from its ideal state. The Second Law of Thermodynamics can be interpreted as saying "Entropy always increases with time". This means that as soon as a perfect system is achieved, it starts to deteriorate. This may be understandable in mechanical systems where moving parts are subject to wear and tear. But what is not so evident is that the concept of entropy applies to logical, or software, systems also. It is no secret that 60% to 80% of every programming dollar is spent on combatting entropy -- that is, maintaining existing systems. If you are involved with any commercial systems, think of how often programmers have to code changes upon changes to that "ideal" system. Why is this always the case? Is there any way to get around this problem? Let's examine the situation. Many times the people requesting a new computer system (the users) cannot define their needs precisely. Often, they are not sure what they want or how to deal with certain situations. Many ambiguous features are left in systems with the idea, "We'll deal with that problem when we get to it." Programs and programming languages require exact and unambiguous definitions to function effectively; solving an unknown or ambiguous problem is next to impossible with today's programming languages. As I see it, there are two possible solutions to this problem. Solution #1: Carefully and objectively resolve the system design to achieve an exact problem definition. Response: Who are you kidding? Face it, people have been trying to do this since day one and no one has succeeded yet. Every time they get close, entropy sets in. This leaves us with the second solution: Solution#2: Change the programming language. Why not? We're trying to use rigidly defined programming languages structured along exact lines to provide predictable and consistent results. This obviously does not reflect real-life applications at all. To handle modern complex situations, a more flexible language is needed -- a language to procrastinate and deliver the silicon equivalent of a shrug. After much research, deep thought and trial and error, I have come up with the outline of an innovative programming language which I call the Multiply Analytic Yet Basically Evasive Bull-Oriented Language, or MAYBEBOL. The following are some of MAYBEBOL's more attractive features. IF ... THEN ... MAYBE. An eloquent concrete admission of indecision, this statement is the heart and soul of MAYBEBOL. DO SOMETHING. When those unforeseen situations occur, the user is on sabbatical in Africa and the project is due tomorrow, the DO SOMETHING statement just might help you hit that deadline. Example: IF ADD-CHG-DEL- CODE = PIZZA DO SOMETHING. Ideally, no one should have any idea just what might be done. (Some more adventurous souls may wish to set up a pool and bet on the outcome.) GO SOMEWHERE. Where? I don't know, do you? ON ERROR conditions. The ON ERROR statement would have two possible formats: 1) ON ERROR GENERATE EXCUSE. Everyone knows excuses are more important than results. 2) ON ERROR FORGET ABOUT IT. Self-explanatory. In each of the ON ERROR conditions, control will be returned to the main program by means of the GO SOMEWHERE statement. GENERATE x REPORTS. X is an integer from 1 to 32. Users always demand reports. They take these reports and place them carefully in multicolored binders. These binders are then stacked on the shelf, giving the users a place to store their dust collections. Since no one ever looks at these reports, a great deal of time and effort can be saved by generating them randomly. COIN. A built-in subroutine, COIN will return a character value or "HEADS" or "TAILS." This can be very useful when making decisions. GUESS. The programmer doesn't know what to do, the user doesn't know what to do, nobody knows what to do, so why not? PRETEND. As in "IF BAD-DATA THEN PRETEND." SEARCH table-name. The SEARCH statement will consecutively search a table in memory. Note that it is illegal to supply what to search for. If somehow a match is found, set the ERROR condition (see ON ERROR). LOOP FOREVER. A great time saver for the programmer. Instead of having to subconsciously invent subtle and hardto-find infinite loops, he may now declare them explictly. DIVIDE x BY ZERO. Same concept as LOOP FOREVER. The above statement and philosophy will be the basis for MAYBEBOL. As time permits, I will attempt to complete the language design. This task should be much easier to accomplish than it may appear. You see, just the bare-bones version of MAYBEBOL provides an excellent medium for the computer-aided design of the rest of the language. Just think of all the delightful treasures of illogic waiting to be discovered! Now, if I can just get this machine out of this LOOP FOREVER statement... By Joey Robichaux. Robichaux is a computer analyst for Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge. Copied without permission from COMPUTERWORLD February 2, 1981. -- Kris Stephens (408-746-6047) {whatever}!amdahl!krs [The opinions expressed above are mine, solely, and do not ] [necessarily reflect the opinions or policies of Amdahl Corp. ]
will@anasazi.UUCP (Will Fuller) (04/03/85)
This is dedicated to the brave men that go down to the chips in C. PORKTRAN PORKTRAN - This language developed at Iowa State University uses statements rejected by other compilers. It is most noted for its PIG-LET assignments and HERESUEYSUEY subroutine calls. The language is excellant at finding roots (indeed any mounted tapes must have a Root Protect Ring installed to disable PORKTRAN from damaging data). The unkosher language has no syntax errors and compiler output is sold by the pound. Even a novice PORKTRAN programmer can bring home the bacon. CSIC CSIC - this language borrows the best features of BASIC and C. Its only data type is float, and I/O buffers require frequent flushing. One undesireable side effect is that even the hardiest of computers will dump their core. Compiler output is best redirected over a rail when running on a DEC.
g-frank@gumby.UUCP (04/04/85)
There is a little-known language called CLITHP, combining the best
features of C and LISP.
Programs in this language consist entirely of parentheses and curly braces.
--
Dan Frank
Q: What's the difference between an Apple MacIntosh
and an Etch-A-Sketch?
A: You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.jsdy@hadron.UUCP (Joseph S. D. Yao) (04/16/85)
> SIMPLE > SLOBOL > VALGOL > LAIDBACK > SARTRE > FIFTH > C- > LITHP > DOGO > I would be interested in hearing from anyone who can report on any other > little known languages in use out there. This article (maybe a longer version) appeared in the Software Engineering Notes at about the same time as this newsnote. The SEN often has SENsational or SENful articles like this, and even occasionally some that make SENse ... ;-) Joe Yao hadron!jsdy@seismo.{ARPA,UUCP}