dkl@usl.UUCP (Dwayne K. Lanclos) (05/13/85)
Let's suppose that the Big E has gone back in time and runs across the
Death Star. Now, Kirk & Co. don't know that the Death Star packs a wallop
or that it is necessarily evil. So Kirk has Uhura open hailing frequencies.
Now, Tarkin and Vader have watched the approach of the Enterprise and think
it would make a fine addition to their battleship collection. When Uhura
dials up, Tarkin tells Kirk to come on over for coffee & doughnuts.
Kirk surprises Tarkin by beaming over with Spock and McCoy, leaving Scotty
in charge. Tarkin promptly places Kirk & co. under arrest and demands the
Enterprise in exchange for their lives. Of course, Scotty refuses. So
Tarkin has a tractor beam thrown at the Enterprise. Scotty uses all warp
power to prevent the Enterprise from being sucked in, not realizing that
the Big E could make a mess of things if Tarkin & Co. were ever successful
in vacuuming it in their airlock.
Things are apparently at a standoff. Vader uses the Force on Kirk. "You
will bend to my will, wimp," he breathes. "That's Mister Wimp to you,
buster." Spock, of course, is immune and McCoy is just too illogical.
So they get thrown in the brig.
Now Jimmy realizes he can't seduce a Storm Trooper guard being as there
are no real women in the Empire. (Leia's in the brig, also, by the way.
Seducing her will not help them escape, but it does help pass the time.)
Spock uses his telepathy-thru-the-wall trick to convince a Storm Trooper
(after all, they're only drones) that they've escaped. When he enters
their cell, Kirk gives him a karate chop (breaking his hand on the armor).
Spock tries the neck pinch, but that won't work either. So it depends
on Bones's armor-piercing hypo to inject the Trooper with instant knockout
drops.
Kirk (who hand has been healed by Doc Bones) steals the uniform (because
it's naturally his size). They locate the tractor beam factory and free
the Enterprise, retrieving their phasers along the way. Vader is notified
of their escape and comes looking for them.
Meanwhile, as the Enterprise moves out of the now deactivated tractor
beam, Tarkin launches the Death Star's planet-wrecker laser at the Big E.
Now, since the Enterprise could withstand hits from Nomad's planet-destroying
rays, the Death Star's blasts should be just as easily deflected. (Actually,
the Big E only needs to survive one such blast since Scotty's at least
intelligent enough to keep the Enterprise on the Death Star's blind side.)
The Death Star's shields prevent photon torpedos or phasers from doing
the Death Star any damage and also prevent Kirk & Co. from being rescued.
Standoff again.
Darth Vader is breathing hot and heavy on their trail. He catches up
with Kirk. "Now at last," he breathes, "you will face the power of the
Force." Vader activates his light saber and prepares for battle.
But Kirk has seen Raiders of the Lost Ark, so he just says, "Eat lead,
sucker," and blasts Vader with his phaser set to kill.
Tarkin decides TIE fighters to be ineffectual against the Enterprise (he's
seen the results of the Enterprise vs. Galactica fight). Therefore, he
launches a few of his Imperial Star Destroyers. To do so, he has to drop
the shields. Scotty has Chekov scan for the only Vulcan on board the
Death Star and has the transporter room beam up him and the two humans
around him. Once Kirk & co. are safely aboard, Scotty zaps the Death
Star with a couple of photon torps before the shields can be raised.
(C'mon these torps ARE matter/anti-matter after all.)
Oh, yes, Leia was freed by Kirk and threw her arms around him as he
started to de-materialize (since she had seen "The Enterprise Incident"
and knew what to do when that hum starts). After McCoy makes a crude
joke about "getting Leia'd", the Big E flies off in search of her
missing brother.
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Come to the shell for answers.
dwayne & tony
{akgua, ut-sally}!usl!dkl