john@hp-pcd.UUCP (john) (05/24/85)
Captains log:stardate 2345.6
The Entreprise was passing through sector omega 5 when a strange space ship
suddenly appeared in our path.
Kirk: Spock, what is it?
Spock: Unknown Captain. It appears to resemble a large, sleek running shoe.
Uhuara: Receiving a message Captain.
Kirk: What is it?
Uhuara: They are demanding that we send them our entire supply of cheese
crackers and avocado dip or else face the consequences.
Kirk: They sound dangerous, Checkov, fire photon torpedos.
Checkov: Photon torpedoes away sir.......CAPTAIN!!! the photon torpedoes have
changed into a sperm whale and a bowl of petunias.
Kirk: Impossible!
Spock: No Jim, just highly improbable.
Kirk: Analysis Spock.
Spock: Sensors picked up a large artifically generated improbability field
of at least 10,000 to 1 against.
Kirk: Can we fight that?
Spock: The largest field that we can generate is the 9 to 1 against that
occurs whenever someone notices that red shirted crewmen are the
only ones ever to get killed on this ship. I suggest that we start
packing the avocado dip.
Kirk: No way Spock, that dip is critical to the colonization attempt on
Fenster VI. If we don't deliver it the Klingons will take over that
that section of the neutral zone. Scotty, get us out of here.
Scott: I canna do it capt'n. Something has taken over control of our engines
Spock: The intruder seems to have a computer with a brain the size of a
planet. It has talked our ships computer into shutting down all
systems except the Drink synthesizer in the ships galley.
McCoy comes running into the bridge as the transporter thanks him for making
a simple door very happy
McCoy Jim!! Half of the galley staff is dead. They all seem to have had
their brains smashed out with a gold brick wrapped with a slice of
lemon.
Kirk: How was that possible?
McCoy: They all happened to wear red shirts today.
Kirk: Spock?
Spock: Sorry captain, thats only a probability of 147 to 1 against.
Kirk: Well we have to do something, how many life forms are on that ship?
Sulu: Thats hard to say captain. Sensors show four life forms but five
sources of organic inteligence. Its like one of them has two heads.
Spock: Jim, another improbabilty field approaching FAST!!
(To be continued)
hplabs!hp-pcd!john