kalpin@utecfc.UUCP (Jordan E Kalpin) (03/02/86)
I have been reading the book "The World of Startrek" by David Gerrold and I
came across a small section that I found really funny. I don't like
posting other people's stuff to the net but since the book is out of print
I will make an exception...Hope you enjoy it!
OPEN QUOTE
A "formula" story is the pat story, the easy story, the one that gets written
by the book. It's a compilation of all the tried and true tricks. It's six
devices in search of a plot. It's a hero-vs-villain story. It's generally a
waste of time.
With Startrek, it might work something like this:
The Enterprise approaches a planet. Something happens. Anything. Kirk, Spock
and McCoy get captured by six foot green women in steel brassieres. They take
away the spacemen's communicators because they offend the computer-god that
these women worship.
Meanwhile, Scotty discovers that he's having trouble with the doubletalk
generator, and he can't fix it-the Enterprise will shrivel into a prune in two
hours unless something is done immediately. But Scotty can't get in touch
with the Captain...
Of course, he can't...Kirk, Spock and McCoy have been brought before the high
priest of the cosmic computer, who decides that they are unfit to live. All
except the Vulcan, who has interesting ears. She puts Spock into a mind
zapping machine which leaves him quoting poetry (17-syllable Japanese haiku
verses) for the next two acts. McCoy can't do a damn thing for him, "I'm a
doctor, not a critic!" Meanwhile, it's been more than two hours since Kirk's
last piece of ass and he starts getting twitchy. McCoy can't do anything for
him either. So Kirk seduces the cute priestess--there always is at least one.
On the ship, sparks fly from Chekov's control panel and everybody falls out
of their chairs. Uhura tries opening the hailing frequencies and when she
can't, admits to being frightened. Scotty figures only fifteen minutes are
left. Already the crew members are starting to get wrinkled as the starship
begins "prunifying."
Down on the planet, Kirk, Spock and McCoy are being held in the dungeon--why
is it always a dungeon?--until the girl he has seduced decides that she has
never been laid so good in her life and discards all of her years-long training
and lifetime-held beliefs to recue him, conviently remembering to bring him
his communicator and phaser. Abruptly, Spock reveals how hard he has been
working to hide his emotions and then snaps back to normal. Thinking
logically, he and Kirk then drive the cosmic computer crazy with illogic-
naturally, it can't cope; its designers never having been as smart as our
Earthmen--and it shorts out all its fuses and releases the Enterprise, just
in time for the last commercial. For a tag, the seduced priestess promises
Kirk that she will work to build a new civilization on her planet--just for
Kirk--one where women's lib and steel brassieres will be illegal.
Sound familiar?
It should. It's a compendium of all the bad plot devices that ever wore out
their welcome on too many Star Trek episodes.
END QUOTE
I thought that this was really funny and I hope that everyone else did. I
suppose having been a fan for so long, I never really looked at ST in this
way...I was too busy enjoying myself.
Sorry it anyone didn't agree or objected to me posting this. Just to be safe
I will again mention that the above quote is from:
"The World of Star Trek" by David Gerrold (DelRey/Ballantine)
I think the book is out of print but if it is not someone let me know. Also,
if anyone knows how or where to get the Star Trek Concordance I would also
appreciate some E-mail. Someone here in Toronto said it is also out of print.
Live long and prosper....
Jordan Kalpin
University of Toronto
Mechanical Engineering
kalpin@utecfc.UUCPknudsen@ihwpt.UUCP (mike knudsen) (03/06/86)
> I have been reading the book "The World of Startrek" by David Gerrold and I > OPEN QUOTE > A "formula" story is the pat story, the easy story, the one that gets written > by the book. It's a compilation of all the tried and true tricks. It's six > With Startrek, it might work something like this: [the story] > END QUOTE > > I thought that this was really funny and I hope that everyone else did. I > suppose having been a fan for so long, I never really looked at ST in this > way...I was too busy enjoying myself. > > Sorry it anyone didn't agree or objected to me posting this. Just to be safe > I will again mention that the above quote is from: > "The World of Star Trek" by David Gerrold (DelRey/Ballantine) > > I think the book is out of print but if it is not someone let me know. Also, > > Jordan Kalpin > kalpin@utecfc.UUCP Well, I laughed out loud the first time I read that in the book. It's just a few months since I got the book (paperback) in a local bookstore chain (Crown Books), so I bet it's still in print. Gerrold points out that alost every episode has to provide an excuse why the transporter can't be used to just beam Kirk et al out of danger; loss of communicators is the most overworked method. Gerrold makes some more controversial points: that much of the special effects could have been replaced by better writing, that less violent solutions could have been found in many episodes, etc. Lots of top-class literary criticism. This book is well worth its price. A chapter is devoted to each of the first three movies, and the analysis of the first film is especially sensitive (but then I'm one of the minority who think the first movie is great). mike k
rjnoe@riccb.UUCP (Roger J. Noe) (03/08/86)
> This book is well worth its price. A chapter is devoted to each > of the first three movies, and the analysis of the first film > is especially sensitive (but then I'm one of the minority who > think the first movie is great). > > mike k Count me in that minority. And I wanted to note that the second edition of Gerrold's book is in print; the first edition came out somewhere around 1971, I think. -- Roger Noe ihnp4!riccb!rjnoe
wheel@utastro.UUCP (Craig Wheeler) (03/08/86)
On a local bulletin board, someone calling himself "the captain" posted this
humorous startrek takeoff...a different perspective, yet agonizingly familiar:
-----------------
The Generic Star Trek-
Episode Title: We've gone here before
The starship Enterprise is orbiting a planet which looks just like Earth
but is completely cloudless...
SPOCK: Captain, I'm picking up a strange ion cloud.. Fascinating..An energy
never before encountered.
KIRK: I want a complete scan. Mr. Sulu, extend orbit to 20,000 kilometers.
SULU: Aye, Sir.
SPOCK: Captain, the cloud is closing on us at high speed.. I believe it
may be a completely unknown form of life.
KIRK: We can't be too sure.. RED ALERT
(The cloud envelopes the ship.)
KIRK: Scotty, get us out of here!
SCOTTY: Sir, the bypass is barely holding. She might explode. Really, she
just might.
KIRK: Warp six!
SPOCK: The cloud seems to have made mental contact with (some worthless,
insignificant lieutenant - fill in name).
KIRK: Use the mind meld.
(Spock mind melds.)
SPOCK: (CLOUD:) You must be destroyed!
KIRK: Ready phasers.. point blank range!
SCOTTY: Captain, the engines are goin' to blow.. I mean it! Really, I do!
I'm not jokin'. Me littl' darlin's are goin' to explode..
(Kirk ignores Scotty.)
MC COY: Jim, you can't fire the phasers. It might kill (insert name here)!
KIRK: I can't risk the ship, even if it kills everyone on board.. I can't
let the Enterprise be destroyed.. I love her, I really do.. She's
a beautiful woman, the only one I haven't been able to fool around
with.
Fire phasers!
CHEKOV: Phasers fired, sir. Direct hit!
SPOCK: The cloud is destroyed!
MC COY: I hope you can live with yourself, Jim!
SCOTTY: Captain, I saved the engines! I (bypassed, over-rode, kicked, cursed)
the (emergency circuits, anti-matter flow, dilithium crystals,
steam engine)! She'll need (real time multiplied by four) (hours, days,
years) of repair time at a (starbase, spacedock, Fast Lube).
KIRK: Uhura, contact (Star Fleet, starbase 4, President Reagan) and tell
them (we'll be late delivering the medicine, to go jump in a
black hole, to send four pizzas with everything.)
SPOCK: But that's illogical.
EVERYONE: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...
The end.
---------------------------------------
Hope you enjoyed it!
(the "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..." by everyone at the end is PRICELESS!
Its a wonder Jay Leno hasnt attacked the ridiculous "everyone-has-a-
good-chuckle-at-the-end standard, overused by TV lately, it fits in
with his TV material perfectly!)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-daver@sci.UUCP (Dave Rickel) (03/09/86)
More akin to the transporter breakdowns. Recently, one of our PBS stations has been airing a british "sf" (term is a bit dubious--there is less science in the series than in Star Trek (or even Dr. Who). For instance, they seem to have no idea of what a galaxy is) series called Blakes 7. They also have a transporter (called, in this case, a teleporter). People who are supposed to be beamed up or down must wear teleporter bracelets. It is a bit disappointing to find out that the british can't write any better than the americans--in every other episode (rough statistics) the crew beams down, gets conked over the head, and has their teleport bracelets removed. I remember wondering when I saw the third or fourth show (when they introduced the teleporter) how they were going to avoid the Star Trek transporter problem. The answer, of course, is that they weren't--they were going to discover the problem (and the same cheap solutions) for themselves. What makes the thing even more annoying is that neither the intelligent nor the paranoid crewperson has taken the obvious step of bringing along a backup (say worn around the ankle inside their flashy boots) (and noone ever thinks of bringing along a backup weapon, but i guess that would be cheating). In a similar vein, the only time i remember the Enterprise personnel being intelligent and bringing along a backup locator facility was in the Nazi episode (Patterns of Force?), and, of course, they weren't used for that, but to make a silly laser to blast the lock out of the cell. By the was, has anyone bothered calculating how much energy was produced by the laser? I think its power source was a 40 watt or thereabouts bulb. It was intercepting maybe 1% of that--a .4 watt laser? call it 400 mW. Sounds a bit more impressive. How long would it take a 400 mW laser to cut through a link on a pair of handcuffs, or to cut through a lock? It would seem that the beam would have to be much more concentrated than it was shown--less than .01 mm in diameter, at a guess. Probably much less. Hmm. I seem to remember something about a laser beacon in a different show. Sound familiar? Of course, it didn't work. david rickel
tom@utcsri.UUCP (Tom Nadas) (03/10/86)
I'm part of that minority that loves ST-TMP, too. The reissue of
Gerrold's book is from Bluejay.
Robert J. Sawyer
in Toronto
c/o
--
Tom Nadas
UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tom
CSNET: tom@torontoph@wucec2.UUCP (03/10/86)
In article <755@ihwpt.UUCP> knudsen@ihwpt.UUCP (mike knudsen) writes: >> "The World of Star Trek" by David Gerrold (DelRey/Ballantine) >> >> I think the book is out of print but if it is not someone let me know. Also, > > It's just a few months since I got the book (paperback) >in a local bookstore chain (Crown Books), so I bet it's still >in print. There have been two editions of THE WORLD OF STAR TREK; the first was written in 1973 and is (as far as I know) out of print, while the second came out in 1984 about the same time as ST3:TSFS did. It is indeed an excellent reference for Trek fans; I am about to post some information from it concerning two topics that have been discussed here recently. First, regarding STAR TREK Adventure-style computer games, a quote (remember that this information is now almost two years out of date; no small thing in this field): "The most sophisticated and complex STAR TREK computer game of all is STAR TREK Colossus. It took Dr. Phillip E. Bailey more than two years to write, and it is obviously a labor of love; the game fills two floppy disks, and the rules fill a third. The documentation includes a detailed set of blueprints for the Enterprise, and a complete crew and equipment list. The player is not only responsible for moving his characters throughout the ship--putting out fires, delivering dilithium crystals to replace broken ones, etc.--at the same time, he must do battle with a Klingon battlecruiser that is stalking the Enterprise. The game also produces a variety of rather startling graphics; using only the alphanumeric characters of a standard video terminal, the program displays long, medium, and close-range scanning views of the Klingon battlecruiser-- approaching, retreating, flanking, and even exploding, should the player be skilled enough to outfight the Klingon commander. (There are several different battlecruisers and captains. Your computer will give you the appropriate identifications when the ship shows up on the screen.) There are also starbases for refueling, repair and replacements of injured or deceased crew.[*] (When the real Enterprise is finally, built, this will be the simulator they'll train Kirk and Spock on.) ---------------------------------------------------------------- [*]I was so upset when I accidentally killed Dr. McCoy that I haven't played the game since." Second, on the matter of scripts existing for episodes which were not produced because of the cancellation: NBC commissioned only half a season's worth of episodes right from the start of the third year; there would have been no scripts waiting around to be filmed when the series was cancelled. On the other hand, David mentions some story ideas which were actually pursued as far a script form, but not so far as to be actually produced. De Forest Kelley, for example, wanted to do a story in which McCoy (a Southerner) and Uhura were trapped on a planet on which the blacks were the masters and the whites were the slaves. Sorry to have gone on for so long. Thanks for listening. --pH /* * "You Klingon bastards, you've killed my son. You Klingon * bastards, you've KILLED my SON! You Klingon bastards--you've * killed . . . my son . . ." */
mnw@trwrba.UUCP (Michael N. Washington) (03/11/86)
In article <645@riccb.UUCP> rjnoe@riccb.UUCP (Roger J. Noe) writes: >> This book is well worth its price. A chapter is devoted to each >> of the first three movies, and the analysis of the first film >> is especially sensitive (but then I'm one of the minority who >> think the first movie is great). >> >> mike k > >Count me in that minority. And I wanted to note that the second edition >of Gerrold's book is in print; the first edition came out somewhere around >1971, I think. >-- >Roger Noe ihnp4!riccb!rjnoe You can count me in on that minority also. In watching the movie again, I liked it. If I had produced it, I may have changed a few things such as the ending, but that doesn't matter. I liked ST:TMP. "Live Long and Prosper!" Michael N. Washington TRW E&DS Redondo Beach, Ca. 90278 {ucbvax,decvax,hplabs}!trwrb!trwrba!mnw
trudel@topaz.RUTGERS.EDU (Jonathan D.) (03/12/86)
(the "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..." by everyone at the end is PRICELESS!
Its a wonder Jay Leno hasnt attacked the ridiculous "everyone-has-a-
good-chuckle-at-the-end standard, overused by TV lately, it fits in
with his TV material perfectly!)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
But, one thing that he HAS done is complain about the 'Evil Twin' theory
that all bad tv shows (st? Naah:-) have to have some sort of episode where
one of the main characters has to have an evil twin emerge from somewhere
and try to ruin the character. Trek has violated this not oce, but TWICE!!!
The episodes are 'Mirror, Mirror' and 'The Enemy Within'.
Anothger good joke he did that involving Star Trek was back when the
Ringling Brothers' Circus was showing off that 'unicorn' animal. He
really couldn't believe it. "What are they gonna show off next, live
Klingon prisoners???" Priceless.
--
Jonathan D. Trudel arpa: trudel@blue.rutgers.edu
uucp:{seismo,allegra,ihnp4}!topaz!blue!trudel
Personally, I like my flying brains dark and evil.rtm@cbosgd.UUCP (Randy Murray) (03/13/86)
In article <1911@trwrba.UUCP>, mnw@trwrba.UUCP (Michael N. Washington) writes: > >> (but then I'm one of the minority who > >> think the first movie is great). > >> > >> mike k > > > >Count me in that minority. And I wanted to note that the second edition > >of Gerrold's book is in print; the first edition came out somewhere around > >1971, I think. > >-- > >Roger Noe ihnp4!riccb!rjnoe > > You can count me in on that minority also. In watching the movie again, > I liked it. If I had produced it, I may have changed a few things such > as the ending, but that doesn't matter. I liked ST:TMP. > > "Live Long and Prosper!" > > Michael N. Washington > TRW E&DS Redondo Beach, Ca. 90278 > > {ucbvax,decvax,hplabs}!trwrb!trwrba!mnw Count me in too! When ST:TMP came out I was so starved for ST that my college buddies had to physically restrain me outside the theatre. When the first drumroll sounded and the title flashed on the screen I reached down and ripped the arm off the theatre seat. Now that's what I call enthusiasm! One of my buddies took it with him and it is now apart of my ST collection. R. Murray "Oh no, not again."
mae@aplvax.UUCP (Mary Anne Espenshade) (03/14/86)
Some Blake's 7 / Star Trek questions from David Rickel: > I remember wondering when I saw the third or > fourth show (when they introduced the teleporter) how they were going to > avoid the Star Trek transporter problem. The answer, of course, is that > they weren't--they were going to discover the problem (and the same cheap > solutions) for themselves. Terry Nation specifically copied some things from Star Trek, one of his favorite shows - look in particular at the logo in the opening credits, unfortunately that doesn't mean he copied the best features. > (and noone ever thinks of bringing along a backup weapon, but i guess that > would be cheating). Not only would it be cheating, Zen (the sentient computer controlling the ship) won't allow it. If someone holding a weapon attempts to pick up another one, the second is red hot to that person, but anyone without a weapon can pick it up. -- Mary Anne Espenshade ...!{allegra, seismo}!umcp-cs!aplcen!aplvax!mae