MW9@PSUVM.BITNET (03/12/86)
Has anyone heard of a recording (ie: radio, not tv) of a bit
called Star Drek? I used to hear it a lot on the Dr. Demento
show (a radio show featuring weird/funny songs/sketches), but
I've forgotten who did the piece and haven't been able to locate
a copy. It really was a very funny piece of satire with things
like Jim falling in love with a beautiful girl in a red convertible
on the planet Schwartz, the computer announcing that there's a plot
twist approaching the ship at warp speed, and horrible weapons
like giant space wedgies. Well, anyone remember it?
"Space. It's really, really big. You may think it's a long walk
down to the chemist's, but that's just beans compared to space."
-------
Michael S. Weiss
The Pennsylvania State University
MW9@PSUVM.BITNET
<* The opinions expressed by me do not reflect those held *>
<* by my school nor those of my employer. (If I had one.) *>
terryl@tekcrl.UUCP (03/13/86)
In article <4528MW9@PSUVM>, MW9@PSUVM.BITNET writes: > > > Has anyone heard of a recording (ie: radio, not tv) of a bit > called Star Drek? I used to hear it a lot on the Dr. Demento > show (a radio show featuring weird/funny songs/sketches), but > I've forgotten who did the piece and haven't been able to locate > a copy. It really was a very funny piece of satire with things > like Jim falling in love with a beautiful girl in a red convertible > on the planet Schwartz, the computer announcing that there's a plot > twist approaching the ship at warp speed, and horrible weapons > like giant space wedgies. Well, anyone remember it? > > "Space. It's really, really big. You may think it's a long walk > down to the chemist's, but that's just beans compared to space." Yes, absolutely funny. It was done by Bobby "Boris" Picket(sp?), who also did the song "Monster Mash". However, that wasn't a beautiful girl Jim fell in love with on the Planet Schwartz, it was a sailor, who had a very male-sounding voice. "I'm a doctor, not a script writer!!!"
boyajian@akov68.DEC (JERRY BOYAJIAN) (03/14/86)
> From: psuvm.bitnet!mw9 (Michael S. Weiss) > Has anyone heard of a recording (ie: radio, not tv) of a bit > called Star Drek? I used to hear it a lot on the Dr. Demento > show (a radio show featuring weird/funny songs/sketches), but > I've forgotten who did the piece and haven't been able to locate > a copy. I don't know if its the same thing, but I recall hearing some parody of ST on radio. The only bit I remember was dialog somewhat like this: Kirk: "Uhura, hail the Klingon ship." Uhura: "HEY! KLINGONS!" --- jayembee (Jerry Boyajian, DEC, Acton-Nagog, MA) UUCP: {decvax|ihnp4|allegra|ucbvax|...} !decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-akov68!boyajian ARPA: boyajian%akov68.DEC@DECWRL.DEC.COM
brianu@inmet.UUCP (03/17/86)
>> like Jim falling in love with a beautiful girl in a red convertible >> on the planet Schwartz, the computer announcing that there's a plot > > Yes, absolutely funny. It was done by Bobby "Boris" Picket(sp?), >who also did the song "Monster Mash". However, that wasn't a beautiful >girl Jim fell in love with on the Planet Schwartz, it was a sailor, who >had a very male-sounding voice. No, the first poster had it right. The first thing the girl said was "Hello sailor" to the captain. ==================================================================== Gen: And do you mean to say that you would deliberately rob me of these the sole remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of life unfriended, unprotected, and alone? Pirate: Well, yes; that's the idea. Brian Utterback Intermetrics Inc. 733 Concord Ave. Cambridge MA. 02138. (617) 661-1840 UUCP: {cca!ima,ihnp4}!inmet!brianu Life: UCLA!PCS!Telos!Cray!I**2
scott@hou2g.UUCP (Mr. Berry) (03/18/86)
I remember another recording I'd heard called "The Trouble with Klingons" which was essentially dialogue from "Tribbles" rearranged to add some humor. It was actually very good. Picture (sic) this-- (Ag. Secretary) Barris: "Kirk, this station is SWARMING with Klingons!!" McCoy: "..and from my observations, they're bisexual, reproducing at will" Barris: "..and I'm gonna be there to enjoy EVERY minute of it!" Or the following-- Spock: "They consume our supplies, and give us nothing." Uhura: "That's not true Mr. Spock; they give us love." Kirk: "I know, but REALLY..." [Something about the Tribbles and Kirk] McCoy: "..and I like them, MORE than I like you." Spock: "Captain, I am forced to agree with the doctor." Kirk: "I know, but REALLY..." Scotty: "Laddie--Doon't ya think ya shoold...rephrase that?" Well, you get the idea. ========================================= "Laddie--Doon't ya think ya shoold...rephrase that?" Scott J. Berry ihnp4!hou2g!scott
ugmarkj@sunybcs.UUCP (Mark D. Johnson) (03/20/86)
> Has anyone heard of a recording (ie: radio, not tv) of a bit > called Star Drek? I used to hear it a lot on the Dr. Demento > show (a radio show featuring weird/funny songs/sketches), but > I've forgotten who did the piece and haven't been able to locate > a copy. It really was a very funny piece of satire with things > like Jim falling in love with a beautiful girl in a red convertible > on the planet Schwartz, the computer announcing that there's a plot > twist approaching the ship at warp speed, and horrible weapons > like giant space wedgies. Well, anyone remember it? Submitted for your approval: a transcript of Star Drek! -------- (Familar Star Trek theme music begins) SPACE - The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship *BOOBYPRIZE*. Its five year mission - to sell T-shirts, toy phasers, plastic communicators, and anything else we can think of. To seek out new life in old plots and complications. To boldly go where EVERYONE HAS GONE BEFORE! (Music Surge) S T A R D R E K ! JERK: Captain's log, stardate 6935.2. We are in orbit around planet Shwartz. SNOTT: Engineering to Captain Jerk! Engineering to Captain Jerk!! JERK: Jerk here, what is it Snotty? SNOTT: Captain, the warp drive mechanisms are generating excess antimatter. The pods are overloadin now, if it continues at this rate, I canna be responsible for the safety of the ship! JERK: Don't have a spaz, Snotty. SNOTT: Ach, but the whole ship's gonna blow itself to pieces, Jim! JERK: I WANT ANSWERS MISTER! SNOTT: Well, I tried shovin a weiner in the warp drive, but it dinna do a bit of good. By the by, would ya have a wee bit of mustard up on the bridge? JERK: Mr. Schlock? SCHLOCK: No mustard, Captain. JERK: Analysis, Schlock? SCHLOCK: It would appear that Lieutenant Snott is about to eat a weiner without mustard. JERK: As always, you logic is impeccable, Mr. Schlock. However, I *was* referring to the emergency in the ship's warp drive. SCHLOCK: I would say that the program is at too early a stage to permit solving any serious difficulties, Jim. JERK: Recommendation? SCHLOCK: Suggest you wait for further plot complication before undertaking corrective measures. JERK: Logical, Mr. Schlock. Perfectly logical. Dr. McCoy? McCOY: I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A SCRIPTWRITER! COMPUTER: WARNING! This is a plot complication! WARNING! This is a plot complication! WARNING! This is a plot complication! SCHLOCK: Plot complication showing up on ship's sensors now, Captain. I am switching to visual... JERK: What is it, Mr. Schlock? SCHLOCK: Computer data coming in now, Captain. It's just what we need -- a colossal negative space wedgie of great power coming right at us at warp speed. JERK: Uh, Mr. Lulu, commence evasive action! LULU: Yaas, Ceptain Jehrk. SCHLOCK: Evasive action ineffective, Captain. The wedgie is turning with us and closing rapidly. Estimated time of impact approximately 16.9 seconds. 15... JERK: Bridge to Engineering! SCHLOCK: 14... 13... SNOTT: Snott here, Captain. SCHLOCK: 12... 11... JERK: What's not there, Snotty? SCHLOCK: 10... 9... SNOTT: I said, SNOTT HERE, CAPTAIN! SCHLOCK: 8... 7... JERK: Snotty, give me full power! Get us out of here fast! SCHLOCK: 6... 5... SNOTT: Ach, I canna do it. The toilets have backed up into the warp drive! It will take time to make repairs! SCHLOCK: 4... 3... JERK: Time? Mr. Schlock? SCHLOCK: 2... 1... WIPEOUT! * C R A S H * * B O O M * * S P L A T * SCHLOCK: Readings are off the scale, Captain! I have not encountered this phenomenon before. JERK: Damage report! Lieutenant Manura? MANURA: We're holding out here; we really took a schelackin' out there! SCHLOCK: Fascinating. JERK: What is it, Mr. Schlock? SCHLOCK: The force seems to have passed though us, and entered the surface of the planet Shwartz. Yet, tricorder readings fail to indicate any such energy from the planet. JERK: Opinion, Mr. Schlock? SCHLOCK: Insufficient data, Captain. JERK: Into the elevator, Mr. Schlock! Let's beam down to the planet's surface so I can find an alien to fall in love with before the program is over! SCHLOCK: You usually do. JERK: Ain't I somethin'! Uh, Mr. Lulu, you've got the conn. LULU: Thehnk yeew, Ceptain Jherk! (PFFFT! The door opens...) JERK: Elevator, transporter room. ELEVATOR: I'm fine, how are you? JERK: ELEVATOR, I SAID TRANSPORTER ROOM! ELEVATOR: I'm fine, how are you? JERK: Oh, forget it! Elevator to Engineering! Beam us down from here, Snotty! SNOTT: Ay ay, Captain! You are locked on coordinance now. JERK: Energize, Mr. Snott. (Standard transporter noises, fade to city traffic noises in background) SCHLOCK: Remarkable! There is no record of any such civilization as this on the planet Shwartz. JERK: Look, Schlock! Here comes a car... feast your Vulcan squinties on that driver! (Car screaches to a stop) SCHLOCK: Far out, Captain Jerk. GIRL: Want a lift, sailor? JERK: As a matter of fact, I do. I'll say 'goodbye' here, Mr. Schlock. Now you will have what you always wanted -- command of the BOOBYPRIZE! SCHLOCK: And you will have what you always wanted... JERK: What's that, Mr. Schlock? SCHLOCK: A bleached blond in red convertable on planet Shwartz. JERK: Ain't I somethin'! Well, say 'bye-bye' to Starfleet command for me, and I will see you on 'Hollywood Squares'! SCHLOCK: Bye-bye, Jim. (Sound of car driving off) SCHLOCK: I thought he would never go. (Sound of communicator opening) SCHLOCK: Schlock to BOOBYPRIZE! SNOTT: Snott here, Mr. Schlock. SCHLOCK: What's not there, Lieutenant Snott? SNOTT: I said, SNOTT HERE, MISTER SCHLOCK! SCHLOCK: That's CAPTAIN Schlock. SNOTT: Ay? SCHLOCK: Make it ONE to beam up! (Music surge) The End. -- /\ Mark D. Johnson SUNY/Buffalo Computer Science //\\ \\// UUCP: {decvax,dual,rocksanne,watmath,rocksvax}!sunybcs!ugmarkj \/ CSnet: ugmarkj@buffalo, ARPAnet: ugmarkj%buffalo@CSNET-RELAY "...a dimension between stupidity and substance, between science and superficiality, a place we call... The Usenet Zone"